Is He Really Straight?

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Is he really straight?

YES- Most Definately STRAIGHT (Straight as the M1)
0
No votes
NO - Definaely NOT. Straight Hetrosexual men do not have sex with other men, even for money
1
6%
He MIGHT be. He is probably confused over his own sexuality and does not want to admit it because he feels ashemed
2
11%
NO - He is Bi Sexual
2
11%
NO - He IS Gay. Straight hetrosexual men do not have sex with other men even for money
1
6%
He is a STRAIGHT Hetrosexual Male Prostitue.
9
50%
Not really sure. I would need to know more about him before I could submit a vote
3
17%
 
Total votes : 18

Is He Really Straight?

Postby LincsGayMan46 » Sat Aug 12, 2006 11:17 am

Hello everyone. I am new to this Forum and I found it by googling the question: 'Is My Friend Gay?'

This is a question I would like to put to you in the hope that you can offer me some advise. So is my friend really straight, or is he gay?

I am a 46 year old gay man. For the past four years I have being seeing this guy who is now 31. he 'claims' that he is straight, and he does have a female partner to whom he is engaged to. He also has two young children from a previous relationship. However, we have had intimate sexual relations with each other on several occasions. He allows me to fondle him and kiss him, although not on his lips. Sometimes he only allows me to touch him from his waist down, but other times I can touch him anywhere. In the past there was an occassion where he more or less threw himself on me in the toilets of a well know supermarket and he was french kissing me and allowing me to fondle his private parts. Surely 'straight' men do not do that?

He is a bit of a 'control freak' in that he likes to dominate me and he often abuses me both verbally and sometimes physically. However, I like him so much I just cannot bring myself to tell him I want to end it. The other thing I should mention is that he likes to take large amounts of money from me otherwise he will not agree to meet up with me and I only see him once a month. Since I have met him he has had almost £20.000 out of me, and now he wants me to sell my house and name him as my Sole Beneficiary in my Will. I am expected to buy him 'gifts' like trainers and clothes.

That is not really my problem, although of course it is still a problem, but I am just so confused. I am not aware of any normal straight hetrosexual guy who is willing to have intimate sexual intercourse with another man. I know I am gay...100%. But is he? Or is he doing it simply because he is getting money from me? Would a straight man have sex with a gay man just for the money? If so, does that not make him nothing more than a male prostitute? He has often mentioned that he is only in this for the money, but I don't pay much attention to that because I love him so much.

I have even told him I think I am in love with him, but yesterday when we last met and I told him that, he said "You are not in love with me, just with the fantasies that I can provide you with. You only lust after me". Is he right? I am so confused.

This is starting to cut me up now. In order to be with him for a few hours, which can range from six to twelve hours, I have to drive 40 miles to collect him, 40 miles back to my home, 40 miles to take him home and then 40 miles to drive myself home. And everytime I drop him off back home, I start to get tearful and often end up crying as I drive home.

It has now got to the stage where I simply have no money left. he took £600 off of me yesterday which was all of my wages basically, and now I am not going to be able to pay my utility bills this month. I feel I am in a right mess, but what can I do? I am sure I love this guy, but there can be nothing more between us because he insists he is straight and I just don't see how he can be. Surely at the very least he is bisexual? But could he indeed be gay?

In the past, not long after we first met he told me that as a small child he was sexually abused by his father, and he said he actually liked it. He is into reading stories about Incest. Could this have something to do with it?

I'm sorry this has been a bit of a long post, but I really would appreciate any advise, help and assistance anyone can give me please? I'm now at the end of my tether and I simply do not know where to go from here. My better side is telling me to tell him I want to end it all, but the other side of me is telling me to carry on.

In a cafe on a recent visit, he could see that I was concerned about something, and he actually said to me: "You are going to dump me, arn't you?". I thought that was a very strange thing for a 'straight' man to ask a gay man.

We do speak on line via Windows Live Messenger, but when he signs in I cannot message him until he makes contact with me first. Plus, although we do text each other, however I am limited as to when I can text him. He sets certain 'texting curfew' times in which I am and am not allowed to text him. All this is because he might be with his girlfriend, and although I know her name, when he is in my company he only refers to her as 'H'.

Yesterday he said that I needed to sell my home and move closer to him because it is becoming increasingly difficult for him to 'make up stories' to explain his dissapearance for that day, so he is lying to his partner who from what I can gather has no idea that I exist, or that her fiancee is having sex with a middle aged gay man.

So, Is My Friend Gay? (or at the very least bisexual...surely he is not straight?)

Gary
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Postby Rogue » Sat Aug 12, 2006 9:03 pm

Gay or not, this man is not your friend! He is abusing you, cheating on his wife, and sounds like a horrible person. If a friend of yours was being treated like this what would you tell them? End it now. He's just using you. You have no future with this man. He's going to get everything he can out of you and break your heart in the process. Take control and end this yourself before he hurts you more.
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Postby LincsGayMan46 » Sat Aug 12, 2006 9:59 pm

Rogue wrote:Gay or not, this man is not your friend! He is abusing you, cheating on his wife, and sounds like a horrible person. If a friend of yours was being treated like this what would you tell them? End it now. He's just using you. You have no future with this man. He's going to get everything he can out of you and break your heart in the process. Take control and end this yourself before he hurts you more.


Hello. Thank you for taking the time to reply. Please forgive my spelling ot typing errors if there are any as I am still crying about this.

I understand what you are saying, and I am putting some words to paper to think about how I am going to go about this. But forgive me, you never mentioned in your reply....do you think he is really straight? Sorry I said 'wife' in my original posting but I edited that to 'patner' as he is not actually married, just engaged at the moment.....and engagement that has lasted for as long as I have also known him.

My heart is already breaking and I just do not know how much more I can take....but these feelings I have for him are so strong, it is just not easy, does that make sense? How do you tell someone you love, or think you love you don't want to see them anymore? Even if they are using and abusing you, which he is doing to me.
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Postby Rogue » Sat Aug 12, 2006 11:28 pm

OK, simple answer, he's not straight. A straight man would not engage in a prolonged sexual affair with a man. It's possible that he's ashamed of his sexuality so is denying it to himself.

I'm sorry that this is hurting you so much. What is it about him that you love? Honestly think about it. I can't see a single redeeming feature about this man in what you have said. It sounds to me like you are infaituated with him. What does he offer you? He doesn't give you love or respect. Really consider what you are getting out of this relationship. There are wonderful men out there who are not ashamed of being gay, who would be with you publicly, share their life with you and treat you the way you desire. Wouldn't you rather have that? If so then you really need to cling to that dream of what you want from a relationship and find the strength to tell this man that it's over.
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Postby lidopig » Sat Aug 12, 2006 11:42 pm

Your "friend" is a male prostitute,many of whom are straight,as are rent boys.I suspect he is probably heterosexual as he won't let you kiss him.I'm afraid he'll tell you all sorts of stories to get more money out of you.When he's bled you dry,he'll drop you like a stone,and if you chase after him,he'll probably get nasty with you.I'm sorry to be so straight(!) with you,but I think you need frank,no nonsense advice.He's found an easy touch with you.Do you think if he had real feelings for you he would keep taking money off you?This guy sounds like he's got a psychopathic personality to me,and I strongly advise you to leave him well alone.He'll come after you of course,because his tax free income has disappeared.Don't listen to a word.Tell him you've taken advice from the police.This is not a bad idea,why not run it past the police? they won't be shocked and will probably be quite sympathetic.They might even have a quiet "word" with him.
Please,please give him up before he ruins your life completely.There are NICE gay men out there looking for relationships,who will treat you with the friendship and respect you deserve.
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Postby Laurajane » Sat Aug 12, 2006 11:56 pm

I don't think the question we should be asking here is not whether he is gay or not, that goes down to the bottom of the things that you should be thinking of. Major alarm bells are ringing in my head right now about the way this guy is treating you. Gay or not- this relationship is purely one sided and purely unhealthy.

I actually believe that you have got your head screwed on the right way because you seem pretty clued up about the possible reasons behind his behaviour but hes messing with your head and confusing your thoughts about what you feel for him. Putting it simply and i do not wish to be harsh- anybody who loved someone or cared about them would not put someone they supposedly loved through this emotional cycle of what i call pain. He is completely in control of whats going on- and because of the way you feel about him you are letting him do it.

You seem like a nice guy whos trapped because you love him you do these things but whether he was abused or not its no justification for what he is doing to you now. It sounds to me like he needs help especially about what you said about the abuse and his controlling ways.

You need to be strong and cut ties with this man- that or lay down the law with him otherwise i see no way forward. You do not owe him anything- my jaw nearly hit the floor when you said how much money you had given him.

What does this man give to you- any promise of a future? Anything at all?

You deserve so much more than you are getting right now and whatever he is- one things for certain he does not deserve you or the love that you give him.
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Postby LincsGayMan46 » Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:47 pm

Thank you for the replies so far posted. I really do appreciate them.

I think the problem that I have which is preventing me from cutting all ties with him and telling him it is over, is that I simply cannot believe that he is straight. I think I maybe clinging onto some faint hope that he will finally admit that he has feelings for me because he is gay, or at bisexual and that he will want to be with me and not her. But then pigs might fly.

I'm just so confused inside, not with my own sexuality but with his. It is heartbreaking sometimes, the way he treats me I mean. I often go weeks without hearing from him either by text, ot msn or email. And that is so painful.

Laurajane wrote:What does this man give to you- any promise of a future? Anything at all?


Rogue wrote:What does he offer you? He doesn't give you love or respect
.

OK, without going into too much detail, as it is somewhat embarrasing for me to do so, I am into certain 'fetishes' and he can fulfil those fetishes for me. But I have to pay of course, and the only thing he has offered me is that he will contine to fulfil my fantasies and turn them into realities as long as the money keeps coming. But the thing is when we first met, it was simply a matter of the odd 'gift' here and there and a few quid here and there, but over the years these demands from him, and that is what they are, have gradually increased to the point that I am now working solely to provide for him. The money he had from me the other day was ALL of my wages basically

Maybe I am going crazy, or mad? Do I need to see a 'shrink'? I simply cannot afford to keep this up anymore as I have come home this evening and my phone has been restircted to free calls only, 999 calls and incoming calls. My electricity will be the next to be cut off as I owe almost £400 on that, and yet I still give him money because I cannot bare the thought of not seeing him anymore, even though I know deep down inside that I should tell him it is over, and from reading your very helpful replies above, I know this even more now.

But I still feel that I HAVE to know one way or the other if he is really straight?
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Postby Moose » Sun Aug 13, 2006 10:00 pm

LincsGayMan46 wrote: I think the problem that I have which is preventing me from cutting all ties with him and telling him it is over, is that I simply cannot believe that he, (I'm going to refer to him as 'S') is straight.

LincsGayMan46 wrote: But I still feel that I HAVE to know one way or the other if he is really straight?

But what difference does it make? Would you continue to let him treat you like this if you knew he was gay or bi? Look at your life: you're going to end up getting evicted or getting your home repossessed, being listed as a bad debtor, and not being able to do anything except live for the times he needs money and decides to come and see you. I know it's never ever easy to let someone you love go, but you have a massive incentive here: your independence and, well, your life, in short.
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Postby LincsGayMan46 » Sun Aug 13, 2006 10:12 pm

Moose wrote:
LincsGayMan46 wrote: I think the problem that I have which is preventing me from cutting all ties with him and telling him it is over, is that I simply cannot believe that he is straight.

LincsGayMan46 wrote: But I still feel that I HAVE to know one way or the other if he is really straight?

But what difference does it make? Would you continue to let him treat you like this if you knew he was gay or bi? Look at your life: you're going to end up getting evicted or getting your home repossessed, being listed as a bad debtor, and not being able to do anything except live for the times he needs money and decides to come and see you. I know it's never ever easy to let someone you love go, but you have a massive incentive here: your independence and, well, your life, in short.


I doubt I will end up being evicted as I own my own home outright, it is not rented or mortgaged, so it cannot be repossed. (or can it?) Ok, I know that is no excuse. I'm also not sure I can answer your question, but I just feel if I knew if he really was gay, or bisexual, (or indeed straight)then it just might making cutting these ties from him a little easier. But then it again, it might not. But, and I cannot say why, I just HAVE to know. Maybe it is because I am confused over this...confused in as much as I do not know any straight, hetrosexual man who will have sex with another man. Sorry, I am going round in circles, but I am so depressed and upset over this I think I am trying to piece together a puzzle without seeing the lid, and when the final image is shown, I will have my answer I yearn for so much.

But that does not alter the fact that although I do not see how I can loose my home, I am going to loose my electricity, water, telephone and gas services very soon. Of that I feel certain. I cannot keep making up excuses to the Utility Companies like I have been doing. I have always paid my bills on time in the past,

Sorry, I don't mean to appear that I am not listening to you, as I am, but as you said, it is just so hard....if I can pluck up the courage to end it, it will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in all of my 46 years of life....and then I fear that I will harbour thoughts of failure and rejection.

Oh god what a mess [-o< :cry:
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Postby lidopig » Sun Aug 13, 2006 11:50 pm

I see you have chosen to ignore the advice that I gave you,and that's your prerogative.I will just reinforce Mooses wise comments in that what difference could it make whether he was gay or bisexual? You say it might make cutting your ties with this man easier.How?
With regard to losing your home,you ARE at risk.If you continue to be unable to pay your bills,these companies will seek judgement against you in court.They will be awarded the various amounts plus their costs.If the debts remain unpaid,they may decide to press for your bankruptcy.Your assets (your home) can then be sold by law to repay your debts.This is a last case scenario,but possible.
It seems to me that you are in denial about the whole situation,and are really looking still for someone to say that this relationship is healthy,when it is anything but.It's very hard to confront,but we'd all rather you swam than sank.
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Postby LincsGayMan46 » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:46 am

lidopig wrote:I see you have chosen to ignore the advice that I gave you,and that's your prerogative


Hello, and thanks once again for your reply. I don't think it is a case that I am ignoring your advice, for which I am appreciative. I think maybe I am indeed holding out in the faint hope that someone may reply with a more, how can I put this without sounding that I am ungrateful which I am not, well positive comments. Of course, I do not believe that is likely to happen as I know you are all correct.

But just how do you tell someone that you have been seeing for almost five years that you want to end it all? The comments above about my home etc have now made me think a little more clearly, as all I have left in effect is my home. Everything else has gone basically. I am simply so depressed over this that maybe I am not really thinking as straight as I thought I was. I know the best thing to do is to end it and sooner rather than later, but it is how I am going to feel once I have done that that is now worrying me.

Even though he has abused me, and he has abused me verbally AND physically, and virtually bled me dry (as someone has already mentioned), and shows no love for me, I know I love him and I will miss him so badly, I am fearful that I may sink even deeper into depression than the level I am already in now.

Maybe I should not be thinking about his sexuality, but I just cannot help myself. Maybe I am more confused than what he is.....if indeed he is? Of course if he is nothing more than a Male Prostitute, then clearly he is not confused and knows exactkley what he is doing. Who are all these text messages he receives from? Does he have more gay men on the go? Is he seeing another girl behind his fiancee's back? Is any of this really important to my situation? I just don't know, but hopefully you can see the turmoil I am going through. And turmoil it is.

I know I need to pluck up the courage and be strong and say right thats it, I've had enough, you either show me a little more respect and offer me a little more, and stop taking the money or its over. Why should I have to pay for friendship? Or simply say its over. But I just don't seem able to do that. and that is what is really getting me down I guess. I know the best thing to do is to end it, and the replies I have already received only go to reinforce that belief, but for reasons I guess I am not really sure of, or don't want to listen to? I just don't seem to be able to bring myself to do it.

Ok, so lets get to the nitty gritty then and cut the rubbish....just how would you suggest I do it? Wait until I see him again in four weeks time? Send him an email? Or simply ignore all his emails and text messages....ie just blank him? If I do that, I am certain he will come down to see me even though he is on a driving ban at the moment, he will come down to see me and ask what is going on.....and I am sure if that were to happen, I will simply apologise and say I did not know what I was thinking, and then I am right back to square one.

Then again, he might not. But as he is not working at the moment, he will, as someone has pointed out, suddenly loose his only source of income and then what happens? I do not think he will turn nasty towards me, ie assualt me, because he has already said he is not prepared to do time for, and forgive me for this, a faggot....that is what he calls me all the time incidentally, but will he just simply accept what I want and leave it at that? Is he likely to contact me again after some time?

Anyway, please forgive me, I am just so upset, mixed up and depressed over this entire matter I just have to 'talk' to people about it.
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Postby Someday... » Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:59 am

MAN..this guy is NO GOOD...u gotta just let it go....
i can understand how much u want ot be with him...but u just can't keep going on like this...u've got to just release ur self from this guy...
hope u make the right choice...
p.s. he's definitely not straight !!!!!!!! :o
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Postby LincsGayMan46 » Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:12 am

Someday... wrote:MAN..this guy is NO GOOD...u gotta just let it go....
i can understand how much u want ot be with him...but u just can't keep going on like this...u've got to just release ur self from this guy...
hope u make the right choice...
p.s. he's definitely not straight !!!!!!!! :o


Hello. But just how do I do that? I'm sorry to sound so naive, but what is the best way to do it, and how am I likely to feel once I have done it? How will I cope?

Sorry, just as a matter of interest, those of you who have so far said he is not straight, can I ask, with all due respect, are you straight guys yourselves? I think hearing this from real genuine straights guys, or indeed straight females is a help.

But yes, its true, despite all the nasty things he has done to me, and the name calling etc, I still love him.... #-o
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Heya

Postby Redshift » Mon Aug 14, 2006 10:56 am

Okay,

As Someday... said you need to let him go you will just drive yourself insain! I am straight, and I don't thing a straight guys would actually lets anouther guys finddle.....with...... its not realy the idea of being straight.

You need to let him go! you need to do this face to face though otherwise if you let him down via txt or phone if you see him it will probally be more orcward!

Second he is definetly using you! Phisically abusing you...Verbaly as well, sorry but I would'nt call that a relationship or even somthing that came out of a dogs bum! If you realy love him you are just going to hurt him if his wife and children find out about you and him, and it will hurt both of you! Probally more him though so if I was you I would let him go mate, it will all end in tears both ways!
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Postby Laurajane » Mon Aug 14, 2006 1:11 pm

im really sorry but no one will come back with positive comments- there is absolutely no positives in this relationship- its purely one sided- you give he takes. You pay him its not right. Whether he's gay/straight or whatever he is using you and that itself is low- how can you feel anything for him just because he fulfils your fetishes. There are plenty of gay men who would do this in an equal healthy relationship. Its easier said than done breaking ties with him but how otherwise can you resolve this- its just going to keep going on until you are strong enough to drop him.
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