Hi, I hope I can give you some more advise, being a new pair of eyes as it were (for the record i am a straight female)
When you say if people were gay they might understand more, I disagree, as dating men can be just as confusing as apparently one in six men are bi, so the chances are...........ahem anyway to answer your question.
I do not think this man is straight, BUT it sounds as though he is seriously homophobic and messed up (due to his past)
he seems to get off on punishing you perhaps because he hates himself ?
You mention having a fetish, reading between the lines i think you (or he) likes to be dominated, not in a healthy way and that's why you think you have to hold onto him?
If there are sites on the web where fetishists can meet there must be LOADS of sites on the web where you can arrange to meet people with similar views as yourself for free (i'm sure whatever you're into someone else has been there lol) no person on this earth is that special you need to take so much abuse (unless that is your fetish
) but I dont mean to sound harsh when i say this:_
OH MY GOD READING THIS IS LIKE WATCHING A CAR CRASH!!!!
you really HAVE to pull yourself together. are you that weak for this man you are comparing yourself to someone lets say, a woman who has been with a man for 30 years, had his three children then just when she reaches old age he leaves her for his mistress he's known for five minutes!!! and not being bitter, i'm young etc but trying to give you an example so you can put this into perspective.
You have NEVER had a relationship with this man, be he straight, gay, bi, tri, oh my, blah blah. He is a fantasy, an obsession, you really really need to see someone professional. What you are putting yourself through is not normal. And it's all so pointless. Sorry I do not mean to trivulise (cant spell it) what you are going through but only you can put an end to this.
You must really think low of yourself. At the very least you should give yourself a month to get out there, meet other people. You say you have no money but dont you get it, you would if you stopped giving it away to that low life ponse, scumbag, evil loser.
phew, sorry had to get that off my chest. You sound like a nice man, you have replied polietly every time and people are only keeping with this post as we all would, i believe, like you to see sense and get on with your life.
Leave you with this last thought, predictable though it is........
If someone hurts you once it is their fault, if they hurt you twice it is yours!!!
Do NOT make me go crazy on you by reading you making any more excuses for your errational behavior. Sorry to sound harsh but we've all been hurt, let down etc but that is life. MOVE ON
edited by all_apologies for a potentially offensive reference