Is He Really Straight?

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Is he really straight?

YES- Most Definately STRAIGHT (Straight as the M1)
0
No votes
NO - Definaely NOT. Straight Hetrosexual men do not have sex with other men, even for money
1
6%
He MIGHT be. He is probably confused over his own sexuality and does not want to admit it because he feels ashemed
2
11%
NO - He is Bi Sexual
2
11%
NO - He IS Gay. Straight hetrosexual men do not have sex with other men even for money
1
6%
He is a STRAIGHT Hetrosexual Male Prostitue.
9
50%
Not really sure. I would need to know more about him before I could submit a vote
3
17%
 
Total votes : 18

Postby lidopig » Thu Aug 17, 2006 3:53 pm

Something is not right though, because I have still not heard from him all week. And I WOULD have received at least one text message from him on Monday, but it is now Thursday and still no contact. I cannot believe he himself has simply decided to end it without saying anything. He likes my money too much. How will he pay for his "nice new expensive trainers" as he puts it, and his drugs money etc?

1) Maybe he reads Problem Pages [-o< or
2) He's found a more lucrative,easier source of money.
3) Perhaps he's been arrested for scamming someone else.
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Postby LincsGayMan46 » Thu Aug 17, 2006 4:24 pm

Moose wrote:Do you work full time yourself? What do you do in the evenings?

Hello once again. Ok, let me try an answer some of the questions you have just asked me.

Yes, I do work. I used to work within the Emergency Ambulance Service, but in 1999, when I was 38 years old, I suffered a heart attack and had to undergo major Heart By Pass surgery. This put an end to my career with the Ambulance Service and I had to take early Ill Health Retirement. That meant I was unable to maintain the repayments on my mortgage, and so I had to sell up and move away from my place of birth to purchase a property in an area that I could afford without having to continue with a mortgage.

I was out of work for maybe two years, but then I got a job as a Carer with a Residential Home for the Elderly, where I now work Full Time on a Shift Rota Basis. I cover shifts from 7am until 8pm. I am contracted to work 38 hours per week, but the contract is only a guide really, as I often work a lot more than that. Sometimes as many as 60 hours per week. That is the nature of this type of work, but also because all the time I am working and caring for others, I am not thinking about him. My mind is on my job. Only when I stop for a tea break do I start to think about him once more and get tearful, and in fact another member of staff saw me weeping the other day, and it was a bit embarrasing.

Moose wrote:you're broke, your self esteem is very low, and you're hanging on for something that isn't going to happen


Yes, I AM broke. I own my own home with no mortgage or rent to pay, but I cannot spend bricks and mortar. And, yes, my self esteem is VERY low. These days I can leave plates and pots and pans etc for many days before I wash them up, and that is just not like me. Same as hoovering....my home can go several weeks before I feel inclined to get the Dyson out.

In my spare time at home, I tend to sit at home alone, and my only contact then with the outside world, is my PC, and participating in various on line Forums like this one. I simply cannot afford to go out. Well, if he was not getting my money I could of course. My total monthly income with my wages and pension combined is around £1.100.00, but after I give him money and pay what bills I can, I am left with around £100, sometimes not even that to see me through the month. This is why my major Utility Bills are creeping up and not getting paid.

lidopig wrote:Maybe he reads Problem Pages
I really hope he does not, because he will certainly recognise himself in this thread if he reads the Problems Page Forum!! :oops: He will definately recognise me. God only knows how he will react if he should stumble upon this forum and read this thread!!!
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Postby cmancini » Mon Aug 21, 2006 5:06 pm

Hi, I hope I can give you some more advise, being a new pair of eyes as it were (for the record i am a straight female)
When you say if people were gay they might understand more, I disagree, as dating men can be just as confusing as apparently one in six men are bi, so the chances are...........ahem anyway to answer your question.
I do not think this man is straight, BUT it sounds as though he is seriously homophobic and messed up (due to his past)
he seems to get off on punishing you perhaps because he hates himself ?
You mention having a fetish, reading between the lines i think you (or he) likes to be dominated, not in a healthy way and that's why you think you have to hold onto him?
If there are sites on the web where fetishists can meet there must be LOADS of sites on the web where you can arrange to meet people with similar views as yourself for free (i'm sure whatever you're into someone else has been there lol) no person on this earth is that special you need to take so much abuse (unless that is your fetish :oops: ) but I dont mean to sound harsh when i say this:_

OH MY GOD READING THIS IS LIKE WATCHING A CAR CRASH!!!!

you really HAVE to pull yourself together. are you that weak for this man you are comparing yourself to someone lets say, a woman who has been with a man for 30 years, had his three children then just when she reaches old age he leaves her for his mistress he's known for five minutes!!! and not being bitter, i'm young etc but trying to give you an example so you can put this into perspective.

You have NEVER had a relationship with this man, be he straight, gay, bi, tri, oh my, blah blah. He is a fantasy, an obsession, you really really need to see someone professional. What you are putting yourself through is not normal. And it's all so pointless. Sorry I do not mean to trivulise (cant spell it) what you are going through but only you can put an end to this.
You must really think low of yourself. At the very least you should give yourself a month to get out there, meet other people. You say you have no money but dont you get it, you would if you stopped giving it away to that low life ponse, scumbag, evil loser.

phew, sorry had to get that off my chest. You sound like a nice man, you have replied polietly every time and people are only keeping with this post as we all would, i believe, like you to see sense and get on with your life.

Leave you with this last thought, predictable though it is........

If someone hurts you once it is their fault, if they hurt you twice it is yours!!!
Do NOT make me go crazy on you by reading you making any more excuses for your errational behavior. Sorry to sound harsh but we've all been hurt, let down etc but that is life. MOVE ON


edited by all_apologies for a potentially offensive reference
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Postby lidopig » Mon Aug 21, 2006 11:39 pm

You say that you are broke,but own your own home and have no mortgage or rent to pay and you can't spend bricks and mortar.I've got news for you(although I'm sure you already know)Didn't this man suggest you sell your house in order to be nearer to him? Buy a smaller place I'll bet,release a bit of cash for HIM.Hasn't he suggested an equity release loan on your present house? that suggestion can't be far away.As long as you have capital,there are always ways of releasing its value.Your "friend" knows this,and if/when he makes contact again,and you can't pay him cash,he'll start thinking along those lines.
In my very first contribution to this thread I mentioned all the decent,honest gay people out there....go get yourself one :D
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Postby LincsGayMan46 » Tue Aug 22, 2006 12:26 am

lidopig wrote:You say that you are broke,but own your own home and have no mortgage or rent to pay and you can't spend bricks and mortar.I've got news for you(although I'm sure you already know)Didn't this man suggest you sell your house in order to be nearer to him? Buy a smaller place I'll bet,release a bit of cash for HIM.Hasn't he suggested an equity release loan on your present house? that suggestion can't be far away.As long as you have capital,there are always ways of releasing its value.Your "friend" knows this,and if/when he makes contact again,and you can't pay him cash,he'll start thinking along those lines.
In my very first contribution to this thread I mentioned all the decent,honest gay people out there....go get yourself one :D


Actually, I had overlooked that bit. He has already made suggestions to me along those lines.

He even once asked me to take out a loan using my property as whatever you call it, (sorry cannot think of the term), but I refused, and although he was irate at the the time, that idea seemns to have ben forgotten, but yes, he has suggested I move so that I can make a profit on the sale of my existing property.

cmancini wrote:You mention having a fetish, reading between the lines i think you (or he) likes to be dominated
I did not want to go into too much detail about the fetishes, but I cannot deny that yes, I do like to be dominated a bit....WHY....I have no idea. But as you have replied with a very helpful post, I am now willing to 'let it all out' so to speak, as I appreciate people cannot help me if I do not tell them the 'Whole Story'.

cmancini wrote:He is a fantasy, an obsession, you really really need to see someone professional


I am sure you are correct. I feel it is more an obsession than anything else, well perhaps I was not admitting it to myself before I posted on here and started to receive all this amazing help. And YES, I feel I need to speak to a professional of some sort...but just WHO might that be?

Please can you advise me?
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Postby lidopig » Tue Aug 22, 2006 8:57 am

With regard to the professional help you need.Make an appointment with your GP,talk to him/her about your problems,and they will refer you to the appropriate specialist as they deem necessary.Good luck.
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Postby cmancini » Tue Aug 22, 2006 10:51 am

Hi again Lincs man

I can understand if you don't have a sympathetic doctor, but if you look on the web i'm sure there are support groups similar to the samaritans for gay people. You would be able to confide to them in confidence and I'm sure they would advise you what to do from here. They will probably be a lot less squeamish than you think regarding any type of fetish and anything you say they have probably heard a hundred times before!

But to be honest I dont really think this is a gay or straight issue, its more to do with one person controlling you. It's not really even about "him" but you as for some reason, something happened in your past to make you think that one person can hold so much power over you. Of course there is nothing wrong with consenting adults play acting domination but you have allowed it to spill over outside of the bedroom as it were into real life. And he is using this to his advantage. Be honest, if you had a friend who took this abuse you would be horrified and rightly worried about them.

If you get help seeing that in fact he is a cowardly bully who preys on people you might start seeing him in the light he deserves.
I do not know about obsessions as such but I have gone out with men in the past who I suppose I knew deep down wasn't giving me what I deserved, but they had something I couldn't put my finger on, but I'm talking being let down occasionally or taken for granted, not physically abused or sucked dry financially. You have to learn to separate the two and reallise that while it may be dangerous and exciting, therefore giving you the thrill you crave, you can learn to focus on something more beneficial to you. You just dont know what that is yet.

I just hate the thought of someone so nasty out there, taking advantage of your fixation, and I think its time you started to get angry. Tell yourself he must be laughing behind your back, spending your hard earned money on others and calling you a mug for putting up with such bad treatment.

Dont even think about selling your house, and/or putting him in your will. Get as far away from this man as possible and if he gets nasty or threatens to tell people who will come out worse? Let him come to your works address, do you not know where he works?
I take it your work know you are gay? What's he gonna say if he turns up, that you wont pay him anymore?!! Do you realise how ridiculous that sounds. He hasn't got a leg to stand on and I really think he is calliing your bluff. BE STRONG you are halfway there, be proud of yourself and tell yourself you will not put up with this anymore.
Let him sponge off someone else and be their problem.

take care mate
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Postby LincsGayMan46 » Tue Aug 22, 2006 9:05 pm

cmancini wrote:Hi again Lincs man

I can understand if you don't have a sympathetic doctor, but if you look on the web i'm sure there are support groups similar to the samaritans for gay people. You would be able to confide to them in confidence and I'm sure they would advise you what to do from here. They will probably be a lot less squeamish than you think regarding any type of fetish and anything you say they have probably heard a hundred times before!

But to be honest I dont really think this is a gay or straight issue, its more to do with one person controlling you. It's not really even about "him" but you as for some reason, something happened in your past to make you think that one person can hold so much power over you. Of course there is nothing wrong with consenting adults play acting domination but you have allowed it to spill over outside of the bedroom as it were into real life. And he is using this to his advantage. Be honest, if you had a friend who took this abuse you would be horrified and rightly worried about them.

If you get help seeing that in fact he is a cowardly bully who preys on people you might start seeing him in the light he deserves.
I do not know about obsessions as such but I have gone out with men in the past who I suppose I knew deep down wasn't giving me what I deserved, but they had something I couldn't put my finger on, but I'm talking being let down occasionally or taken for granted, not physically abused or sucked dry financially. You have to learn to separate the two and reallise that while it may be dangerous and exciting, therefore giving you the thrill you crave, you can learn to focus on something more beneficial to you. You just dont know what that is yet.

I just hate the thought of someone so nasty out there, taking advantage of your fixation, and I think its time you started to get angry. Tell yourself he must be laughing behind your back, spending your hard earned money on others and calling you a mug for putting up with such bad treatment.

Dont even think about selling your house, and/or putting him in your will. Get as far away from this man as possible and if he gets nasty or threatens to tell people who will come out worse? Let him come to your works address, do you not know where he works?
I take it your work know you are gay? What's he gonna say if he turns up, that you wont pay him anymore?!! Do you realise how ridiculous that sounds. He hasn't got a leg to stand on and I really think he is calliing your bluff. BE STRONG you are halfway there, be proud of yourself and tell yourself you will not put up with this anymore.
Let him sponge off someone else and be their problem.

take care mate


Oh my god thank you so much for that extremely helpful reply. I do believe I am beginning to put this into some sort of perspective now. I need to read and re read your reply above a few more times yet and then I can respond accordingly, so please bare withj me and once again, many thanks.

I really appreciate the time you have taken to post such a lengthy and very helpful reply.
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Postby cmancini » Fri Aug 25, 2006 12:09 pm

No problem, glad to be of help!
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Postby LincsGayMan46 » Sat Aug 26, 2006 12:51 pm

An Update.

I spoke with him on line last night and he has told me that all future meetings will be on a Saturday, as he is now working full time. BUT, as his girlfriend finishes work at 4pm on Saturdays, he would have to leave my home at 3pm. He does not get here until nearly 11am, so that would mean I would only get to see him for around four, five hours at the most, once every four weeks.

He said it is becoming increasingly difficult for him to see me without him getting found out....and last night he actually said that "If it comes to me having to make a choice between getting caught or getting out of our arrangement, (HIS word) you know which I will choose". There has never been a problem in the past five years that I have been seeing him, so why now all of a sudden does he feel that he may get found out. I mean IF he did get found out, I am sure 'she' would be totally devasted and dump him, but then what might he do to me? He has said he would kill me if he lost his partner as a result of anything I said or did. And this is now starting to scare me a bit. He has got a bit of a temper, but it only tends to rear its ugly head when he has been drinking or smoking Pot, or both.

Reading between the lines, I think he may be 'under the thumb' so to speak. But I guess that is neither here nor there in as far as my part this 'relationship' is concerned. The point is, I am now even more mixed up than ever before. I know I need to end this, and I am trying to compose an email to him to tell him that it is simply not worth carrying on for just five hours a month of his time. Not when I have to make a 160 mile round trip to collect him from his home, bring him back to mine, take him home again and then drive myself home. And thats it for the next four weeks!

I did mention the money thing to him, and he said the money was not the deciding factor here, his relationship with his partner over ruled everything else. He is not prepared, or so it would seem, to risk losing his partner over me. So maybe I should just tell him to forget me then as he cannot have both of us.
But as someone has mentioned above, am I in a 'relationship' with this man? I guess in my dreams I was hoping I was, but in reality I don't think I can be. So just what IS it that I have with this man?

I just don't see why now, after almost five years of meeting up once a month for something like ten to twelve hours, (sometimes even longer) without any problems and now all of a sudden, it has become "too stressful" for him. He clearly does not want to get found out, and I guess I can understand that, but why is this an issue now? Why has it not bothered him over the past five years? In the past there has never been a problem. He was always able to make up some excuse for his actions and whereabouts that day when he was in fact with me. But now, something has changed, and he seems paranoid that he is about to be found out.

By telling me the 'visits' will now only be for around five hours, is he hoping that I am going to tell him I want to end it? But if that were the case, why did he send me a text message saying that HE would be the one to decide if we end it or not as I did not have a choice.

He mentioned again about me selling my home to be closer to him so that our meetings (this is what he calls it each time I see him...a "meeting"....sometimes he refers to it as a "visit") could continue as they have been, ie for at least ten hours each time. He says if I was closer to him, he can get home much quicker if there was an 'emergency' as he tells his partner he is only 'working' around the corner when in fact he is with me in my home forty+ miles away from where he lives.

He actually said last night, that his meetings with me were now a "serious problem" for him. Is he running out of excuses? Does she suspect something? Has he made a decision over his true sexuality? Does he feel 'dirty' now knowing he has slept with me...another man? Or does he now feel guilty over the way he has treated me? Or for that matter, does he feel guilty for the way he is deceiving her? WHY is it now all of a sudden a "serious problem" ???????

I've got to tell him its over have'nt I?
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Postby Moose » Sun Aug 27, 2006 7:44 pm

LincsGayMan46 wrote: I mean IF he did get found out, I am sure 'she' would be totally devasted and dump him, but then what might he do to me? He has said he would kill me if he lost his partner as a result of anything I said or did. And this is now starting to scare me a bit. He has got a bit of a temper, but it only tends to rear its ugly head when he has been drinking or smoking Pot, or both.

He might be angry if he gets found out, but he told you himself that he wouldn't get sent down for you. Anyway, if/when you finish it, you're not planning to tell his partner or anything: if he loses her, it will be his fault.

LincsGayMan46 wrote:I did mention the money thing to him, and he said the money was not the deciding factor here, his relationship with his partner over ruled everything else. He is not prepared, or so it would seem, to risk losing his partner over me. So maybe I should just tell him to forget me then as he cannot have both of us.

Yes! Definitely.

LincsGayMan46 wrote:But as someone has mentioned above, am I in a 'relationship' with this man? I guess in my dreams I was hoping I was, but in reality I don't think I can be. So just what IS it that I have with this man?
As he has said, it's an "arrangement" that you're not gaining from.

LincsGayMan46 wrote:I just don't see why now, after almost five years of meeting up once a month for something like ten to twelve hours, (sometimes even longer) without any problems and now all of a sudden, it has become "too stressful" for him. He clearly does not want to get found out, and I guess I can understand that, but why is this an issue now? Why has it not bothered him over the past five years? In the past there has never been a problem. He was always able to make up some excuse for his actions and whereabouts that day when he was in fact with me. But now, something has changed, and he seems paranoid that he is about to be found out.

Maybe his partner is onto him, maybe he can sense you're at the end of your tether, maybe he feels he's going to get found out, maybe he can sense the money is drying up, maybe another guy is providing more for him..... could be anything, but you will get over your broken heart, and once you've finished with him for good, you can get on with your life. He'll struggle.

LincsGayMan46 wrote:I've got to tell him its over have'nt I?

YES!!! Email, text, phone, on MSN, just do it. Because I don't think he will, while he knows he can still get money from you.
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Postby LincsGayMan46 » Sun Aug 27, 2006 8:51 pm

Thank you Moose. With each reply that I get I am building up the confidence, no the courage to tell him I have had enough. I just cannot bare the thought of continunig with this if I am only going to see him for as little as four hours once a month.

Please believe me folks, I AM listening to what you are all telling me. And I thank you ALL for taking up your valuable time to offer me the advise you have all done. This is not easy for me as I hope you will all appreciate. I fear what I will feel when I know it is all over and I will never set eyes on him again. But deep down inside I am now beginning to realise this has just GOT to end.

I have been composing an email, as although that is probably the coward's way out, I think I can say in an email what I don't think I can say to him face to face.
I think he WILL miss the money, although I am certain he will never admit to that. But he does not want to lose his partner, so I believe he will be prepared to sacrifice his "tax free income" (as someone point it), in order to 'save' his relationship with his partner.

SOMETHING has clearly happened though, for him to be so paranoid about being found out now as it has NEVER bothered him in the past. Well, maybe it has but he has never mentioned it to me.

I'll write a bit more a bit later as, please forgive me folks, but I am crying at the moment and I'm making lots of typo and spelling errors.........
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Postby JayJay » Mon Aug 28, 2006 9:14 pm

He will miss the money, probably quite alot, but lets stop focusing on him right now and look at this from your point. You'll enjoy it! :) you'll be able to pay your bills, lose the worries about your house, and youll be able to be back in control of YOU. How great is that gonna feel, eh?

This is a very good thing. You should be happy, and looking forward to this, Ive read everything so far, and i remember you writing somewhere that you'd not be able to bear the feeling of a broken heart. When youre down, positive things help you spring back. Cutting all strings with this fella, in my opinion, will make you alot happier than you have been in the last five years, combined. If that isnt something to put a nice ol' grin across your face, then i dont know what can! :D

(and if i may say so myself, you sound more confident)

This guy has victimised you, by his doings and your own. But i reckon that the life that was cheated out from you over the last 5 years, you'll get back in no time, and the next 5 years of your life will be fantastic.

next step is just that darn 'SEND' button instead of that 'DRAFTS' button - keep us informed.
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Postby LincsGayMan46 » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:57 pm

JayJay wrote:He will miss the money, probably quite alot, but lets stop focusing on him right now and look at this from your point. You'll enjoy it! :) you'll be able to pay your bills, lose the worries about your house, and youll be able to be back in control of YOU. How great is that gonna feel, eh?

This is a very good thing. You should be happy, and looking forward to this, Ive read everything so far, and i remember you writing somewhere that you'd not be able to bear the feeling of a broken heart. When youre down, positive things help you spring back. Cutting all strings with this fella, in my opinion, will make you alot happier than you have been in the last five years, combined. If that isnt something to put a nice ol' grin across your face, then i dont know what can! :D

(and if i may say so myself, you sound more confident)

This guy has victimised you, by his doings and your own. But i reckon that the life that was cheated out from you over the last 5 years, you'll get back in no time, and the next 5 years of your life will be fantastic.

next step is just that darn 'SEND' button instead of that 'DRAFTS' button - keep us informed.


Thank you for that. It really is very much appreciated. I do feel that I am getting a little bit more confident about this now, but only thanks to the very helpful replies that I have received from you kind and wonderful people.

I never looked at it from the point of view of being a 'Victim' before. But I guess that makes sense. Well, sort of. Is it possible you could spare some time to elaborate on what you mean by "this guy has victimised you, by his doings and your own". Especially the lat bit. I'm not really sure I understand what you mean. sorry.
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Postby cmancini » Wed Aug 30, 2006 10:22 am

Hi
I think JayJay means that it takes two and that you are allowing this man to control your life. Of course you are a victim, BUT it's of your own doing. You do have a choice. I think you know what the right thing to do is. It will be hard to cut yourself off at first, but have you ever tried it? You may be suprised how liberating it feels, and you can start by having more respect for yourself and not be at this mans bec and call.
I have to say, in your ealier post where you said he wants you to move nearer to you. This is just a ploy whereby you will sell your house and have equity to spend on him. He is probably pulling away from you now, making excuses as he senses you "rebelling" and getting stronger.
You asked why he was cutting time with you. It's because he wants to see how far he can push you, to still exert some power over you as he doesn't like you questioning his way. Your right, what's the point driving all that way for a few hours once a month. If you're still willing to do that then he knows he's won. Dont let him. No-one is that special, even if he was a nicer person, let alone repulsive.
Good Luck
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