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Thought i got it right this time !!!!

PostPosted: Sun Mar 30, 2003 6:40 pm
by tigger
Hi i am a 40 yr old woman and i had some real bad experiences with men over the yrs, well almost two yrs ago i met a great guy on the net and for the first yr we had a real good relationship tho it was hard as we had a 300 mile distance between us but he used to visit me every other w/end and come to me for the odd week and me to him . Well after doing this for a year i gave up everything my home, family, friends etc and moved to be with him and we moved in together i knew it was gonna be difficult for him as he had never had a seroius relationship before also he had never lived in the real world as had always lived at home with his parents so i knew this was going to be a big step for him also he became a stepfather so i do understand it wasnt easy for him (by the way he's 29)
Anyway we get on great most of time i love him so much and he tells me he loves me he makes me feel good about myself ( as through past exp[eriences i had no self esteem) i cant really fault him execept for 1 thing he goes out with his mates every other sat that i dont have a prob wiv but what i do have aprob with is him going to the nightclub as i dont understand why he would want to go i know he would never cheat but i still hate him going we almost split other week over this but we sat and had a talk and sorted it or so i thought anyway last night he went out as usual i didnt get upset beforehand ( i norm do ) and i decided to try and stay calm this time i got ready and dressed nice for him and waited up till 1.00 am ...after that i got myself really upset ..he came home at bout 2.30am i left for work this a.m and left hm a note saying how i felt i got back as tried to explain i dont like him going nightclub and cant see y he wants to go ..he sed he only goes to have a bit extra time to drinks and to see his mates and he cant see why i have aprob with this i need to know if im the one being silly as i love him so much and dont want to lose him by doing something i may regret later as i havent lived here very long ai havent got anyone to talk to which doesnt help .[/b]

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2003 10:15 am
by X_Smiler_X
Hi Tigger,
What you have to understand is that your 29 year old boyfriend is younger than you, and he is gonna want to go out and enjoy himself still, he's still young!
You have to look on the good side too tho, hun - at least he is spending the majority of his time with you!
I can see where you are coming from tho, because my ex used to go out with his mates every Saturday night, I admit I didn't like it, but I lived to put up with it, because I knew i was gonna see him through the week :D
Dont worry, and good luck!

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2003 11:01 am
by tigger
Thanx smiler i know at the end of day he does love me but im a very insecure person due to a very bad past. And as havent made any friends as i dont go out i got no-one to talk to which dont help. He always says sorry for upsetting me and tells me how much he loves me but i know it'll happen again mayb if i could get over my insecurities it would help but im finding it very difficult but thanx for your reply it helps to talk to someone.

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2003 8:25 pm
by Kit
Hi tigger,

I was in a similar situation with you, I'm 22 and my husband in 27, when we first met, I used to go out to night clubs every week, my husband didn't like it at all!

We used to fight about it all the time, and my opinion was "why the hell shouldn't I go?" Just because he didn't want to that shouldn't have stopped me.

In the end we came to an agreement that, if I wanted to go to a nightclub we would go together. However we don't go out much at all now, as we have a young son, but if we do, and I want to go to a nightclub he'll come with me.

How about trying that? next time he wants to go out, just ask him if he doesn't mind, you'd like to meet up with him at the nightclub. You never know it could be fun.

PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2003 10:42 pm
by tigger
Thanx for your views Kit maybe this is where the age gap only ever matters i have been with him on the very odd occasion but i cant say i liked it much , you pay money to get in a place that takes ages to get a drink also the people in there especially the girls seem sooo young makes me feel even older !!
I know he wouldnt cheat on me and he feels the need to go out with his mates as he has lost so many mates that have got with a girl or got married and never come out so i understand but its the nightclub that hurts the most. Aprt from this we get on so well so i guess i got to put up with it as its the only failt he has which cant be bad i guess.
If my past hadnt been as bad then maybe it wouldnt matter.
Im so glad i found this site as mot having anyone to talk to doesnt help.
Thanks Tigger[/b]

PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2003 9:37 am
by X_Smiler_X
I hope my advice helped hun Tigger. And I hope it's going ok!
Smiler xx