How to begin...or End?

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How to begin...or End?

Postby Lost » Fri Apr 11, 2003 9:37 pm

I apologise for coming to this page to try and get this weight off my shoulders, but I have nowhere else to turn and I don't know what to do.
I guess the best place to start is at the beginning.

I met a great looking woman when I was on a blind date, we kept meeting each other and I fell madly in love with her, she has a child to a previous relationship which I didn't mind, her previous boyfriend used to beat her so over the years I built her confidence back up, told her how great looking she is bought her nice things got her to wear dresses again I did everything I could to make her happy, I tried to learn from my parents mistakes my dad when he was young was overly possessive of my mother he didn't even let her go to one of the kids school plays in fear of her meeting someone, this led to my mother divorcing my father after 15 years of marriage, though my father had mellowed out over the years and started given her space and a life of her own it was too little to late.
So I never put any boundaries on my girlfriend I encouraged her to go back to college, if she wanted to go out anywhere I let her, when we first met she only liked going to bingo and stuff with a few of her friends and she was always by my side on nights out.
We had a daughter not two years ago this I felt is where everything started to change , Though she loved our daughter I found that I started having to do everything even though I was working at the time, she claimed to be constantly exhausted and never heard our daughter wake up at night so I was always the one to get out of bed and feed her, then changing the babies nappies turned her stomach so I was the one who always had to do that.
Soon after I was made redundant from my job, I started a new job at another place but I was always turning up late due to my lack of sleep, I had to get up with the kids in the morning feed them the struggle to get my gf out of bed just so that I could go to work, they fired me after three months working there.
I managed to get another job as a civil servant my gf was adamant she wanted a job, I said I had no worries providing it didn't cause any problems with the job I had now, two weeks into being a civil servant I had to quit my job, my gf had found herself a job working shifts so there wasn't anyone to mind the baby through the day and get up with the kids etc, so I opted to stay at home and mind them.
It just seems to be going from bad to worse, she has her new job and her new friends and it's as if she has lost any care for me and the family she has at home, I admit her hours change but it's no more than 8 hours a day, but here I am like a permanent babysitter I feed the kids get them up in the morning get them dressed the eldest who isn't mine I get him off to school, I look after my daughter though the day do the housework, pick the eldest up from school do the kids tea's then get them to bed, I don't get any help what so ever from my gf, if she works a late she will stay in bed until at least 1 am then get dressed go to work, if she works an early she will come home snap at the kids a few times for being noisy and go on the internet to talk to a friend from work.
She is acting as if she is a single woman again, everytime I used to go out when I worked I would always offer her to come with me, yet when she go's out I never get asked if I want to come, it turns out all of her friends from work are male she claims she's "one of the lads" rumours are spreading around her workplace that she is having an affair in truth I don't believe it since she tells me everything that happens at work and she tells me of the rumours, the rumours have now spread as far to my family now they all believe she is having one too, I know that she isn't...
But things bother me, my mother managed to get me a job working with her bf she picked the eldest up from work while my sister would mind my daughter through the day everything wads going great apart from my family felt they were having the lemonade taken out of them since I was still the one who had to pick the kids up after finishing work everyday, my gf came home early one day claiming to be sick, rather than call past my sisters and pick up our daughter she went straight home and onto the internet.
Just last night my gf went out with her friends from work and this one time she said pity you can't come as she walked through the door, I decided to try my best to go out managed to find a babysitter got dressed and turned up to surprise her, the way she is with other men even in front of my disturbs me, it's like all she can do is flirt, yet she says "this is how we are at work we're just messing around"
One of her friends a male I might add jumped up and said "how about a **** job" my gf said here! and kneeled in front of him, this was right in front of me no she didn't actually touch him but the girl sat next to me looked at me in shock and opened her mouth in a wide O, I pointed out I didn't like the way she acted I was answered with "well if you don't like the way I act just go home"
I stayed with her everything seemed fine until we actually got home, then as soon as we walked through the door I started being accused of following her and a massive row started out.
I just don't know what to do's like if I try to talk to her and explain I don't like anything about how she acts she immediately starts screaming at me "fine I won't have any friends, I won't go out" one time she actually grabbed our daughter out of my arms and told me to leave then rushed the kids upstairs and locked herself in a room with them.
I feel like a lodger who baby-sits all of the time and occasional has *** with the home owner which I will add has drastically reduced since our daughter was born.
My friend who I knew since I was 5 years old told me I've changed said I am always miserable and to leave my family say the same thing, everyone is telling me to leave the girl as I'd be better off without her, yet the sad fact is I love her to bits they don't see how she makes me feel but at the same time she's hurting me....even know I feel like I am writing her up in a bad light, but I can't explain how she makes me happy ...
I love our daughter and her son who is calling me dad, I've been with her for five years now, everyone tells me to leave but how can I, if I do she won't be able to work the kids will starve..the debts are already building up...
And I can't do anything about it, I have said why don't you find another job so we work around each others hours and have the weekends to ourselves but nope she wants to stay where she is with her friends...
I know that she Loves me I can see it in her how she acts around me and I love her, but I'm being taken for granted...and I'm reaching the end of the sisters worried sick she'll find me hanging from the rafters one day this being from how miserable she thinks I am...
I don't know what to do, I don't even know why I'm posting this on your boards I guess I need to talk to someone who I feel isn't biased.
I talked to one of her friends while out the other night from what he says all she ever talks about at work is me and everyone knows she is out of bounds but that doesn't excuse how she acts ..I don't know ..I'm just so damn tired of it all I just want to wrap myself up and go to sleep.

I'm sorry for babbling on for so long and thank you to those who read this thread.

Thank you for letting me get it out.
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Postby Kit » Fri Apr 11, 2003 10:43 pm

Awww hun, it sounds like you're having a rough time of it.

My husband, is a househusband as he was made redundant just after our son was born, and it was easier for me to go back to full time work and him stay at home, so i see what he's like at the end of the day and totally understand how you feel.

However, I'd like to feel, that I don't take advantage of my husband the way your wife is to you. I constantly ask him if he's happy and if he wants to go back to work then we'd sort something out. The last thing I want is for him to get that fed up with it all and turn round and say that's it I've had enough.

It sounds like you really do love you're wife, and I'm sorry she treats you the way she does, but hun, you really need to try and sit down and talk to her again. Explain that you think you do too much and that you need help from time to time. If you feel she won't listen then try writing her a letter. i used to do that with my husband if I thought we couldn't sort things out without us arguing.

At least that way, she can read your letter and "hear" what you have to say without being able to cut you off and scream at you. Chin up hun, I'm sure things will turn out for the best.
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