Where to start....

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Where to start....

Postby IckleBlackRose » Fri May 23, 2003 9:14 pm

Ive talked to people online for quite a while Now,But there is this one guy that i really like on the net,i can never get him out my head,I dont think hes really clicked onto the fact that im crazy about him,He knows i like him.But doesnt really have a clue HOW i feel.
Problem is,Hes 25,Im 16. :roll:
This really bothers Him.at heart i think its not what he would feel about my age,Its what hes friends would say. :(
For a while now ive cut myself,And have felt very depressed,But ever since ive started to speak to him,I feel happy.When he rings my heart pounds :oops: eventually he wants to meet me,and i really want to meet him,But im so scared,There is all these things going threw my head,Things that might happen,Things that i want to happen.. i really just dont know what to do. :(
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Postby Lorelei » Sat May 24, 2003 3:07 pm

I'm 22 now, but when I was about 16 I had boyfriends who were about the same age as the guy you met on the internet, and so did many of my friends. It probably seems like a huge age difference to him because he hasn't met you and he's thinking of the age rather than the person. As soon as he meets you, if you get on and it's meant to be, he'll realise you're not a child and accept you as a romantic possibility. But please stop cutting yourself. My friends and I used to do that and, from experience, I have to say, if you tell him about cutting yourself, he might think it's 'teenage angst' and that you're immature and then you might ruin your chances! So, don't do that, meet him and be yourself and good luck!
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Postby Lorelei » Sun May 25, 2003 2:30 pm

By the way, if you do arrange to meet him, make sure it's in a safe public place because you never really know who you're meeting on the internet! xxx
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Postby IckleBlackRose » Sun May 25, 2003 7:17 pm

hehe thanks for your help,im def gonna meet him in a safe place,i trust him alot,but still got to be sure. Cheers xxxx
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Postby primalsurfer » Sat May 31, 2003 11:16 pm

Hmm a tricky one :wink:

Age is just a number in some respects, then again at times it can be important.

Like Lorie says meet him in person and take it from there, internet relationships can be notorious for dissintegrating when you meet in person, but take heart some times they do work out to be something unique and special.

It's also hard to gauge from text and possibly telephone calls the true essense of a person, the benefit of face to face meetings and sometimes the curse is body language and facial expressions, mannerisms etc that complete the picture of a person.

From a male perspective on the age gap issue... it seems for the female that her peers accept it and it's no big deal, however for the older guy it's a slightly different story (I speak from experience as I have dated 2 younger girls in my 20's) the perception being that the girl is young and innocent and the older guy is just taking advantage, and it does become hard when you are out in public trying to have a good time and all you get are dissaproving looks from strangers and also when friends you have known for years start to take the lemonade out of you. It is hard to deal with and if you haven't experienced it you wont be able to comprehend just how tough it can be.

He also has probably noticed how crazy you are about him, you've more than likely dropped a hint or two along the way or told him explicitly. A life lesson about males, we don't usually express our feelings too well. Give him a chance he might just surprise you.

Cutting yourself, well everyone deals with things in their own way, cutting yourself seems to be your outlet, however it's not the most constructive outlet. Please don't cut yourself again, it may seem to help now but think of life 20 years down the track and how you will fell about any scarring that may result, also what will it do to your current self confidence? talk to your guy about your problems you never know he might be a good listener and maybe able to give you some advice or at least help to make you smile :D

Take things day by day step by step, let your head drift into the clouds but keep your feet firmly on the ground. Stay positive, try not to think of the "what if's" and above all keep your expectations realistic.

The age gap might turn out to be nothing when you meet him, then again he might smell real bad :lol: or have an annoying habbit :roll: take things as they come and try not to stress :o too much.

good luck
Primal Surfer

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"Don't be glum, be like a glo-worm, it's never glum cause the sun shines out of it's bum"
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Postby IckleBlackRose » Mon Jun 02, 2003 10:07 am

Thanks For the advice,Tis really sweet of ya :P
i can see where your coming from with that,
You say to talk to him about problems etc etc but when i do talk to him,hes really sweet about stuff,But i feel like im boring him,i mean who would want to listen to me ramberling on :-?
He really is the sweetest thou :D little things he does that mean so much to me,im easly pleased you see lol
I know that he may get problems from hes friends,family and all that,But deep down shouldnt he know the truth? and shouldnt that be enough? :cry:
I find it hard to understand Men as it is lol I dont think it helps i keep putting my foot in it always saying he sounds like an Australien ( hes from NZ you see lol )
Thing is thou,I dont see how i can make him understand,Yes im 16,But that doesnt mean i act it,I mean hes young compared to some guys ive been with.
I really want to prove to him im not your normal 16 yr old. But its hard when my parents put restrictions on me.
Its all to confusing,and as for him suprising me,lol i doubt that very much lol

Cheers xxxxxx
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Postby primalsurfer » Mon Jun 02, 2003 4:29 pm

No worries, glad my perls of wisdom can be of assistance to you

mmm think outside the square, you need to take in alternative perspetives on the situation.

He'll porabably tell you if you are boring him, maybe he's just a really good listener, getting selfconcious about talking to him at length may be detramential.

Have you told your friends? if so what reaction did you get? Think of it in terms of your friends, if one of them met a guy and dumped you and the rest of her friends for the boyfriend you'd all be a little miffed wouldn't you?. Friends provide an independent view not swayed by any feelings sometimes it's worth listening to and othertimes it's best ignored....

you find it hard to understand men... we're simple beings, try living in our shoes for a day, women are very complex beings ......

Eeek hasseling him about being an aussie when he's a kiwi, you're lucky he's still talking to you, trans-tasman rivalry is not a thing to toy with...

you may be mature for your age but you are still 16, he has 10 years on you like it or not there are vast differences in the experience you both have. There's certain things that go with being 16 such as parental restrictions that you just can't escape.

good luck
Primal Surfer

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"Don't be glum, be like a glo-worm, it's never glum cause the sun shines out of it's bum"
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Postby IckleBlackRose » Wed Jun 04, 2003 12:33 pm

"my perls of wisdom " confident arnt ya lol
Well,
You say he would probably tell me if i was boring him,but he seems to sweet to do that,and yet to Polite!
I told my friends a few days ago,some took it well,some didnt,I think some of them kind of expect it from me,Knowing i prefer older men,MOST of them are mature lol
You seem to think you know everything so answer this - why is it men are hard to understand?? Be soooooooo much easier if he opened up to me a little bit :roll: .Somehow i think he thinks im going to hurt him.i hate it when hes down,i never know what to say,I spose thats just me in general.
its strange because i miss him so much when i dont speak to him,he really does mean alot to me,sad eh.
Hopefully you can help me with this one Mr know it all. lol :P
Take Care
P xxxx
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Postby primalsurfer » Fri Jun 06, 2003 12:59 pm

I thought confidence was supposed to be an attractive quailty?

Anyhow yes I am confident.... I don't claim to know it all as somone else always has more experience in one area or another but what I do know I know well, and it hasn't steered me wrong so far :wink:

Well if he's too sweet and polite to tell you you are boring then he's probably a really nice guy, and maybe you can take that as a sign that he likes you because he listens to what you say and doesn't find it boring.

Men aren't hard to understand, we like sex, we think about it often, we like sleep, we like to be well fed, we like women (well some of us do), we like our egos pandered to, we like to feel in control...... simple

Have you said/done anything that might give him the idea that you'll hurt him? It's hard in any relationship if someone does something to hurt you and it usualy makes you more cautious in future relationships.

What happens when you are down, what things do you take comfort in from him? What does he do to make you smile? We usually give out what we'd like to receive, try giving to him what he gives to you.

Sounds like you are pretty hung up on him, and that's not such a sad thing. Enjoy it :wink:
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"Don't be glum, be like a glo-worm, it's never glum cause the sun shines out of it's bum"
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