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Should I or shouldn't I?

PostPosted: Sat May 24, 2003 3:20 pm
by Lorelei
I have just broken up with my boyfriend of well over a year, mainly because I want to be single. I missed my freedom, and when we broke up, I felt relieved and back to my usual self. HOWEVER, are things ever that simple. I made a new male friend who's three years younger than me and he's been showering me with attention. It's been great because I haven't had to feel lonely, I still get goodnight text messages, etc. He's seeing a Spanish girl so I didn't have to worry about getting involved with him, but now she's going back to Spain tomorrow and he wants an answer about what's going on with me and him. I know I like him, I feel sick with butterflies in my stomach when I'm about to meet him and we get on so well BUT the problems are: 1. I don't want to lose my newfound freedom so soon. 2. I think some of my friends would be horrified that I'd go out with someone so soon after breaking up with my old boyfriend, who everyone loved. 3. HE'S YOUNGER THAN ME and I have a HUGE problem with it. So, my instincts tell me to stay friends with him and tell him that I don't want to get involved right now but what if I miss my chance and end up really regretting what might have been? AAARRRGGGHHH!!! :oops:

PostPosted: Sat May 24, 2003 9:49 pm
by Aldo
Seems like you don't want to get involved. Maybe that is your answer already. But the what ifs! Again, what about this spanish girl? She is leaving and he is already looking for a replacement? Does this sound like a guy who wants a full relationship? Maybe he is after a short term relationship, this way you will regain your single life freedom again.

Tough one really tough. I don't think age should matter, but then I am a bit unsure exactly how old you and this guy is. If you are not ready then don't. Also don't let your friends influence you on this, it is your life.

PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2003 3:15 am
by Lorelei
Thanks, Aldo! I am 22, he's 19... both of our birthdays are very soon, so within a month, he'll be 20, I'll be 23. Obviously, he's not looking for the relationship of his life and if I only had to deal with him, I wouldn't be so scared of the whole commitment thing because we could just have a fling and understand each other, but I am still scared of my friends because some of them do not wish me well, I think, and would like to see me do anything that they could turn against me... I know that sounds strange and slightly psychotic but you have no idea how much some people LOVED my old boyfriend!
Do you think that I could ask him to keep it a secret if we got together? As you say, the whole ' Spanish girl' thing indicates that he's as flakey, if not more so, than me, so... I just don't know what to do. It's all MAD!!!!

PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2003 10:09 pm
by Aldo
I would not go into the relationship. You think too much on what your friends would say, also you for one are not ready for a relationship, even if this is a "fling". You wil end up getting hurt at some point. He is unstable and anyone could come along and take his eye....not that I am saying you are unattractive, but that is how flings work. (not an expert but a common sense guess).

Keeping it a secret would be possible, but secrets especially like this one would generally leak out, and I think your friends would be even more annoyed at you.

Bottom line, little return HIGH risk.

sorry for being so blunt.

PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2003 12:17 am
by Lorelei
Thanks again, I think I was very freaked out about it all when I wrote down the problem because he had tried to make me answer the 'are we going to get together or not?' question the night before, but we talked since and he's realised that we shouldn't risk all that hassle and that we should just be friends and, in time, when all the ex stuff has blown over, if something happens, fine, if not, fine too. Anyway, I think my problem is pretty much solved this time, so that's that!xxx