confusion about the past

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confusion about the past

Postby bean_pole » Fri Jun 06, 2003 1:24 pm

hey every1 first time using anything like this so b nice to me! :roll: bit worried! well here goes...me and this guy went out together for a couple of months we were like chalk and cheese nad everyone was against us but we made it work out and began to really like eachother but things started to go wrong when he his past came back to haunt him...he cuts himself you see not scratches but full on deep penetration of the skin! anyway i didnt know how to help him and he didnt want to put me through his pain aswell so he finished it...i was really upset but we stayed friends...and last month he told me he loved me and that he wanted me back then he changed his mind saying he knew hed do it again (cutting himself) and he loved me to much to put me threw it...problem is i still love him and everywhere i look are memories...were still friends but its hard for me cos i see him cutting himself and he doesnt like talking about plus hes had lots of girlfriends after me he says its his way of getting me out of his head and to let him move on but it gets more and more difficult ...i dont know if i believe him and most of my friends are getting fed up with me talking about it...my best friend is also now telling not to even be friends with him!!! pls help me im so confused i still love this guy i hope all this makes sense :cry:
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Postby primalsurfer » Fri Jun 06, 2003 7:32 pm

well he needs help, everybody deals with stress and their problems in their own way, cutting youself is not the most contructive way to deal with your problems though, ask him whether he's considered how he will feel 10 - 20 years down the track when he see's all the scars he's making on his body.

He needs to deal with the issues that make him feel the need to cut himself, either through talking to you or a counsellor/doctor or other professional healthcare type person.

Good luck tryin g to get him help, some people wont accept help, and though you care about him if he will not accept your help you may be better off listening to your friends and move on?
Primal Surfer

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"Don't be glum, be like a glo-worm, it's never glum cause the sun shines out of it's bum"
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Postby midnite » Fri Jun 06, 2003 8:27 pm

i use to cut my self so i no what it is like.
it a way people try to get of rid pain,but it comes back so some people tend to hurt them selves again
as they find it is their only choice,
in my case no wanted to help me.
this may of happen to him.
in the past
people who hurt them selves are usally ashammed and ambrassed with them selves because of they hurt them selves.

he may not ask for help and may tend to reject it straight off,
i feel scared and lonely,
i sure that is how he feels as when out with different people after you,
so he may not of feel lonely,

i sugest just tell him that you be there for him as a friend.
i understand you love him and posabily wanta get back wid him,
he may not be ready for a relationship yet.
as he need help and understanding because of what is troble ing him.
your friends are just looking out for you,
about telling you to for get him, as they dont want you to be hurt again.
also because they dont fully understand what he is going through.

if you really care about him they to be surportive as a friend
dont put him down.
if he is going to get through this puting him down wont help.

i am sorry if i haven't been no help
all the best
let us no how it goes
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Postby bean_pole » Fri Jun 06, 2003 10:16 pm

hey thanx for the advice! hes already spoken to couensellors bout this whole thing before he said it took him ages to open up but he eventually did and it helped him for a while...your right i do wanna get back with him but im so scared he wont ever be ready for a relationship with me again as he has blamed his cutting on me once before! i dont think i can tell you how much that hurt my feelings! as for the scars he already has alot of them and his parents know all about his problems so do his friends only thing is his friends dont seem to tell him that what he is doing is wrong...he doesnt listen to me either because he says that i dont understand him! im so confused :( :o
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Postby primalsurfer » Sun Jun 08, 2003 6:07 pm

truely a difficult situation for you to be in.... :(

when he says you don't understand, tell him how can you because he wont open up to you and explain so you can understand, you haven't been through it yourself so you can't emapthise with him but you can sympathise and listen and support him.

Looking at problems from a different perspective can sometimes make visible different solutions, that's what friends are for they help us by providing that alternative perspective that may or may not help us to work through our problems, but it does show us that there are alternatives to our line of thought.

Don't let him blame you for cutting himself, it may seem cold but it's his problem not yours, you do not force him to do it he has a choice and presently he's making the choice to hurt himself, if he is blaming his problem on other people he needs to learnt to take responsibility for and control of his own life.

Good luck with trying to make him see sense, and if you can't keep in mind your own well being :wink:
Primal Surfer

"Only a surfer knows the feeling!"

"Don't be glum, be like a glo-worm, it's never glum cause the sun shines out of it's bum"
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