boyfriends mum arrrrggggghhhhhhh

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boyfriends mum arrrrggggghhhhhhh

Postby linda » Tue Jun 10, 2003 10:45 pm

hello everyone ive posted on hear a few times before and iam very impressed at the advice.

well ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years we was getting on fine untill just before xmas i cheated on him, i dint really cheat i just kissed a lad goodnite. i told my boyfriend because he sussed out that something was wrong.

i didnt do it to get back at my boyfriend i did it to get at his mum. to put it blunt i cant stand her i have lived in the same house as her for 3 years i have spoke to my boyfriend about moveing out and he says he will but then his mum starts going on that she wont be able to live with out him there cos she wont have any money. i only work part time at the mo so i know i need a full time job which im looking and ive got interview so fingers crossed im trying so hard to get on with his mum but i cant.
she is so nasty with me and when i tell my boyfriend he says "she is only jokeing" she has been jokeing for the past 3 years then.
before i used to clean the house for her and cook but i cant stand been around her at all i wont go down staires when she is home and my boyfriend has noticed that but him and his mum are close so im scared to say any thing to him cos he shouts at me if i say any thing about his mum.

i have spoke to my mum and she said we need to move out she has told me that it will never work living with the inlaws and it isent working.
but i no as soon as we start looking for a house (if he is ever aloud) she is gonna start kicking off and makeing him feel guilty.

please has anyone got any advice what i can do?
i love my boyfriend so much and i dont want to loose him but it is really getting me down now living hear and it is affecting our relationship because i never want to talk to him now and we always argue but it is because of his mum.
linda
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Postby Llisa » Wed Jun 11, 2003 3:48 am

HI hun,
Wow, living with your boyfriend's mother must be rough. I'm going to give you some adive you might or might not want to hear. Love...you got to deal with it. It sounds that she is very protective of her son, and doens't want to risk loosing him. You are a huge weight in the balances on the chances of her loosing him. Sorry doll, but believe it or not, you're the meaning in this equasion! I know it doesn't seem fair...but sometimes life deals us a really bad hand of cards. Try and remember that you're under this woman's roof, and therefor have some respect for her...even if you can't stand the woman. Do you pay rent? If not, try to give back by helping out again with cleaning the house and cooking...she might also see you as a burden. Another thing you might want to try is talking to your boyfriend again. Tell him how much you care for him, and also let him know how bad things are between you and his mother. I can imagine it must be hard for him to be in the middle. Try and move out as soon as possible...but in the meantime, try and make the best of a bad situation.
Will be praying for you
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Postby Mr.L » Wed Jun 11, 2003 11:05 am

make an effort with the mum and make sure ur really nice to her then when she starts 'joking' your boyfriend will realise that you dont deserve it at all and he could tell her.
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Postby crasygurl » Wed Jun 11, 2003 2:58 pm

first of all i think that you need to have a chat with his mother.

she may feel like you are trying to take her son away from her.
try and explain how much you love him,
and you are not trying to take him away from her.

you dont have like her,
but for the sake of your relationship you have got to try and get on with her.

she also seams to have a hold over your bf at the mo.

may be you and your bf should go on hoilday together,
you both get spend a bit of time together away from his mother and a chance for you both to talk about your realtionship.

or you could move out for a little while. explain you just need a bit of space, as you find it hard to get on with his mother. plus it upsets you.

wish u al de best
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thanks

Postby lindauk » Wed Jun 11, 2003 3:16 pm

thanks for all the advice :D
there is no way that i can talk to his mum and iam scared to talk to my boyfriend because its always the same stuff that comes out of his mouth.
we are thinking of going on holiday this year so i hope that we do but i know when we get back it will be back to normal again.
i spend most of my spare time at my mams but when we pull up outside the house i get horrible butterflys in my stomach it makes me feel sick.
i think i have avoided her too long now to start getting on with her. if i have to talk to her then i will but i wont go talk to her just for the sake of it.
we got engaged last valentines day and the day after she said so your still engaged and started laughting her head off like it was so funny, when i go out on a night my boyfriend picks me up and one night she said to me "is rob picking you up tonight" and i said "yes" then she said "you hope" she knows what she is doing and she is trying to lemonade me off so much that i will just tell my boyfriend to get lost and move out.
but why should i give her the satisfaction iam not gonna and thats that.
im not a very strong person so i let alot of people walk all over me but i think im gonna crack very soon. i layed in bed last night crying and my boyfriend asked me what was wrong and i said nothing.
thanks everyone for reading my post and i will keep you all updated:)
thanks again
linda xxx
(i had to changed my username cos i couldnt remember my pass word)
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me again

Postby lindauk » Wed Jun 11, 2003 3:25 pm

one of the resons she said she dosent want him to move out is because she dosent want to be left living with his dad , well im sorry but she married him thats her problem. she dosent treat her other kids like this. i just dont want to think that i have wasted 4 years of my life with rob if he knows all along that he will never move out. he is 26 this year and i know he will still be at home when he is 30.
she said to me the other day when are you and rob thinking of moveing out and i said hopefully end of this years she turned round and said ohhhhh i retire next month and i wont have much money i will have to cut back on loads of stuff trying to make me feel guilty but it dosent work with me it is her problem and thats thats.
i bet you all think im really nasty but im not ive never had to put up with this before from anyones parents. this all started when we got engaged and we started talking about moveing out and it has got worse since then.
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Postby crasygurl » Wed Jun 11, 2003 5:01 pm

it is clear that she doesnt want her son 2 move home.
i agree it is wrong and shouldnt use him as exuse becasue it looks like she is lonely and fed up with her parther.
have you u ever talked to his father.

how old is she.
in away it sounds that if she cant be happy no one else can.
have you asked her why is hates u.
i no you dont want to talk to her but this problem is going to carry on if u 2 dont sorta try 2 get on.
becasue she wont let her son move well it looks like 4 a long time.
so u are not going to 2 be happy if u are still there.
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Postby mr_bump » Thu Jun 12, 2003 8:37 pm

Obviously your bf and his mother are v.close, and if get on with her thats an added bonus - but if you genuinley feel you are doing nothing wrong sod her.

You should try and get a place with ur fella, or at least go away for a bit, my gf's family used to wind me up, but the worst thing is to grin and bear it - as long as ur bf understands that u are being reasonable im sure he'll understand when u disagree/answer back to his mother.

Good luck hun :D
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