Jelousy

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Jelousy

Postby turner_s » Wed Jun 18, 2003 9:06 pm

Please stay with me on this I need to offload and have never done this before, and am feeling just a tad embarresed.

My problem is as follows I am so afraid my boyfriend is going to be unfaithfull to me that I am making myself ill with the thought of it.

I cant think of anythink else, it invaids my every thought, why do I feel like this.

He's never made any advance towards another girl the entire time I've known him, but yet im still paranoid.

He has friends who are girls and they all seem nice, but if I see him laughing totally innosently may I add, I become paranoid and have horrid dreams of them together.

I recently ruined a good night out and did my nut, because I became paranoid all because he left me to DJ for a hour. What is happening to my brain here.

This may all sound totally stupid to anyone that is reading this, so I suppose I should say a little about my self.

I'm 30 and ok with it, have recently left my husband (not for this bloke may I add), my husband cheated on me twice that I know about, threatened my physically and mentally for neally 10 years and then when I found the strenght to leave him last year found out he had been slowly over the years taking my name off everything, so the worst thing he did was in the end betray my trust totally in him.

Now this marraige was not as bad as it seems to all that may read, I had good years and I really did want it to work but as you've read above I knew it was a bad mistake to stay.

I love my new bloke to death, and want to stay with him, I want the wedding of my dreams, to have kids? the works.

He had the life I craved going out but not to excess, popular with his circle of friends everything, I never had this.

I wish I suppose I had a friend to talk to, but when I came out of the marriage I only had one and to cut a long story short she was jelous that I found love so quickly and dumped me. NICE.

He did have a long 5 year relationship before me and she dumped him, he has told me he loves her still but not enough to go back to her, he even said he name after we had finshed you know one night, but said this was because I had been going on about her all day.

I accepted this as I did to excess ask all the questions under the sun about her, and made my self sick with jelousy over nowt.

He's told me he loves me and want what I want marraige etc, and has never felt this way about a girl before.

He said he felt trapped and a little afraid of the severity of the relationship to start but was felling good now, so the main question is if you havent fallen asleep "Why do I feel jelous of this fine relationship, create arguments at the drop of a hat and try to ruin the love we feel for each other".

There enough, if you've been in this spot please advice me on what I should be thinking.


Sarah :(
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Postby slayer111 » Wed Jun 18, 2003 10:00 pm

Oh dear, you have had a rough ride, haven't you?

With everything that went on with your ex, it isn't surprising that you're worried about this new guy... I would suggest perhaps you should explain your fears to him, (Does he know about the problems with your ex?) and visit a guidance counsellor.

This guy does sound like he really likes you, and you really like him, and I only hope that everything works out for you... But you need help to get over your worries if that's to happen.

Good luck!
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Postby turner_s » Wed Jun 18, 2003 10:27 pm

Thanks for replying, I suppose I had a rough ride, but I try not to think too much about it.

I did feel a hundred times worse 6 months ago and tried to seek help then but thought maybe the councillor would laugh at me for having such stupid thoughts.

I speak to my partner all the time and he says the same as you, go talk to someone, but this is the bravest I can do at the mo.

I feel low tonight and want help and answers to something people may or may not be able to give? :cry:
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Postby spirit_uk » Thu Jun 19, 2003 2:06 pm

Reading what you were saying was like reading my own thoughts - a bit more coherant than my thoughts tend to be though!!

Im only 18 but I have had the same experience in mistrust with past boyfriends which is badly manifesting in my current relationship. My own thoughts about this (and maybe they are slightly true with you?) are that I love this guy so much and a part of me is almost expecting something to go wrong, expecting him to slip up some how and my jealous and occasional lack of trust and just my way of preparing for something to go wrong.

I sound like a basket case I know but when you've learnt from past relationships that you can only really trust yourself its incredibly hard letting all the jealously go.

The only way Im starting to get over it is to constantly say to myself that he's a great guy and if he ever cheated on me then he woudln't have been worth it anyway. That calms my mind sometimes!!! Then I also think that this is my problem, not anything to do with him, and to talk to my mates if I feel this way and not him because it will eventually cause problems.

If you don't feel you can turn to anyone else then you could email me if you ever need someone to blether to!! (elmac_uk@yahoo.co.uk)

Take care!
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Postby tammybligh » Mon Jun 23, 2003 3:57 pm

I know this may sound really harsh, but I think that if you continue to let jealousy get the better of you, you are going to ruin your relationship.
From what you've said, you don't seem to have a reason for not trusting this guy, so why not give him the benefit of the doubt.

I used to be a jealous person myself, so I do know what you're going through - the thing is, by not trusting your partner, you're letting the person who actually broke your trust win. What I mean is, they will have succeeded in preventing you from being truly happy - and no one has the right to do that to you.

Now, whenever I get into a new relationship, I start with a clean slate and try not to let my past bad relationships affect my new ones.

Why don't you try sitting down and telling your partner about your insecurities. At least then he'll have some sort of understanding about how you feel....
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