confused as to what to do

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confused as to what to do

Postby Charlie2 » Sat Jun 28, 2003 3:08 pm

I`ve been with my partner for 9 yrs, we have a seven y/o son. The past couple of years things have changed, and not for the better.It all came to a head a few months ago when he was made unemployed, He sits around the house all day doing nothing, i understand that i need to give him time to get over the fact that he wont work again..but it has got to the stage where he is taking it out on me and our son, constantly shouting,the other night while in one of his moods he got right up into my face ,shouting at me i really thought he was going to hit me......i cant let me son continue to grow up in a relationshipe like this, but he loves his dad and i know it would tear him apart we were to leave, but i feel i dont have a choice.. I am so so confused as to what to do
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Postby Lorelei » Sun Jun 29, 2003 11:29 am

Well, first of all, you haven't mentioned whether or not YOU love your partner. If you're just staying for the sake of your son, admirable as that may be, I can't see the situation getting any better because it will take a lot of love to sort this out. If you really believe that you and your partner should be together for each other as much as your child, you need to talk to him urgently. If you think he might get mad and end up shouting at you again, perhaps you should write him a letter. Tell him you love him, you want a happy family and you would do anything to achieve that but that he also needs to make the effort. Tell him that you understand how he must be feeling and that you support him but essentially, it's not your fault OR your son's fault that he lost his job, that he needs to stop wallowing in self pity and that you all need to be there for each other, in a loving, understanding and, most importantly, peaceful and harmonious manner. Tell him that his recent behaviour scares you, that you don't want to leave but that you will not put up with the situation for much longer. Give him the letter, go out for the day with your son, give him time to read it and think about it and see what happens when you come home. If the reaction is bad, you probably should consider leaving, temporarily anyway, to give him time to sort himself out and realise what's important. If you've had so many good years together, I'm sure he will, and no matter what happens, ensure that your son can see him as often as he wants to. Spending regular quality time with an absent parent IS better for a child than living in a resentful and miserable situation, believe me. Good luck and I truly hope that everything works out.
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Postby Llisa » Mon Jun 30, 2003 4:41 am

Hi hun,
One thing that I have to add to Lorelei's message (it was excellent by the way...very good advice) - Never stay with someone for the sake of a child. In the long run, it's better for the child to be in a 'split' situation then be in the midst of a terrible, abusive home. And it sounds like that's what your home might turn into. To protect yourself and the child...I think it's best that you get out of there. ok? But seek professional help to...and I also suggest counselling.
Will be praying for you
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