Dumped and broken hearted

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Dumped and broken hearted

Postby paulg11 » Mon Jun 30, 2003 3:27 pm

i have never written to any problem pages before but i need your help or advice desperatly.
i have been with my grilfriend for 2 years and i am more in love with her now than ever.
a few months ago, we hit a rocky patch but things seemed to be fixed and we seemed to be the happiest we'd been in ages. we have never really fought or argued and things were brilliant untill 2days ago.
she is only 18 and i am 21 and recently she has been going out with her friends from college. i think this has made her feel she is missing out and 2 days ago, out of the blue, she told me that she didnt love me anymore and didnt want to be with me. she said that she has been trying to convice herself she did but she isnt going to anymore.
its as if she just woke up and decided this as there were no signs. i am heartbroken and i desperatly want her back.
she is my best friend and my lover and i cant be apart from her.
i've not eaten in nearly 3 days and i cant sleep.
she says she still wants to be my friend and last night, we talked and she opened up for the first time since she dropped this on me( untill then it was as if she was closing me out of her life)
ive spoken to her mum who says i should keep the friendship up and give her space but it is easier said than done.
i dont have anyone else to talk to as i dont really have any friends and find it impossible to share my feelings with my family- all who love her too. She has been there for me every day since we started going out and now i feel she has given up on us. ive sent her text messages but she doesnt reply. when i speak to her, she seem cold and emotionless and is sometimes hurfull, or sometimes doesnt answer the phone.


i have seriously thought about taking an overdose but i dont think i could go through with it.

she is my 1st love and i dont know how to get her back. i want to give her space but i cant just turn my emotions off and act as if i feel like her- i am more in love than ever.

she is perfect in every way and i dont want anyone else- no one would compare.

to make matters worse, i am going away on holiday for a month, in 2 days.
i am so miserable and dont know how i will be able to think of anything else.
im just going to worry shell go with someone else and this would destroy me more than i already feel.


i dont want to pressure her as i know it ll push her further away but i am so lost and want to speak to her.

reading the forums, time is the only way to make it heal, and if its meant to be then it will be, i just feel so gutted- i thought she was my soul mate

what should/can i do.

thanks
Paul
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Postby paulg11 » Mon Jun 30, 2003 3:40 pm

Bye the way, im no psycho when i said i wanted to OD. i just hurt so much and cant think of life without her.
when they said love hurts, i never knew how damn much
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Postby Lorelei » Mon Jun 30, 2003 5:53 pm

Oh, Paul, you're really hurting! There's nothing worse than rejection when the person who has left you is your whole life. I think we've all had moments where we wondered if there was any point in living without a loved one but please don't give up! You already said that you can see from reading other people's problems that time is a great healer. I know you don't believe it now but time really does heal all wounds.

First of all, you said you don't have any friends. You also sound like you're just resigned to this fact and don't plan to bother making any. If the only people in your life are your family, your ex and her family, how can you possibly know that nobody would compare to her? Only by getting out there and meeting people will you ever know that.

Secondly, you should think about the characteristics that make up your perfect woman. Your ex may have all of these but people always seem to forget the most important one: Shouldn't your perfect partner want you as much as you want them? Isn't that the most essential thing? And sorry to be harsh, but she obviously doesn't.

Maybe she needs space and will realise that she loves you after all, but there is a stronger possibility that she won't. You can't just MAKE her love you again because you love her. You can't keep ringing her and texting her and basically hounding her and trying to project your feelings on to her. That NEVER works. It will just ruin your own self- esteem and make her lose respect for you and any chance of friendship you have will be destroyed.

And the best way to get over her is to stop telling yourself she's perfect and nobody compares. Tell yourself that you really miss her because you have nobody else and you relationship was a comforting habit. You might not believe yourself at first, but keep telling yourself anything long enough and you'll start to believe it. And that will be step 1 to recovery.

Also, I think it's great that you're going on holiday. Enjoy your holiday and for goodness' sake make an effort to be sociable and meet some people. I know it's early days, but the situation is black and white, even if you can't see it. She rejected you. She doesn't answer the 'phone. It's over. You HAVE to stop torturing yourself and realise this. PLEASE try to move on. You sound like a lovely guy and I wish you the best of luck.xxx
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Postby paulg11 » Mon Jun 30, 2003 8:29 pm

thanks for the advice. what you said was exactly what i expected.
i am a nice guy and she is so lovely. its not that it is routine and im scarred of being alone, i was alone for 2 years before her, its just i dont want to be apart from her.
im hoping in the back of my mind that if i be there for her and support her, we can come through this. love like that surely doesnt just dissapear.
P
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Postby paulg11 » Tue Jul 01, 2003 12:03 am

well, lorelei, she said she would phone me tonight and come and see me tomorrow before i go away but she never phoned. i went to her house and tried to speak to her, after about 10 texts and 20 phone calls. her brother came out and told me just to give her space. it seems that she is going out of her way to be hurtfull. is this perhaps a reaction to give me signals, i.e, being mean so i give up?
anyway, it is so hard to take as i dont deserve to be treated like this.
i am actuallu starting to get over this although im still devastated but i know that time will hopefully heal and there are plenty more fish in the sea.
probably in some time, ill be looking back thinking what a fool of myself i made and have a laugh about it.

i also worry ill never be able to get someone as nice as my girlfriend. she is the nicest person ive been with and i may never be with someone as nice.

how do i cure my low self esteem?
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Postby tammybligh » Tue Jul 01, 2003 4:20 pm

I agree with everything that Lorelei has said. The greatest thing about loving someone is knowing that they love you back. I think that you are lucky in the sense that she has been upfront with you and told you how she feels. So many people plod on with relationships through fear of ending it. At least you know how she feels. She may change her mind, she may not - but that is something you have no control over.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to hurt you. Going to her house has probably freaked her out a little bit. She obviously needs some space, and if you think there's a chance you could salvage the relationship, you have to give her that. From what you've said, she doesn't sound like a malicious person.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but you really do have to try to move on. No one is worth putting your life on hold for. I believe very strongly that if you're truely meant to be with someone, then it will all come together in the end.

Remember, she may be the nicest person you've ever met - but that doesn't mean that she's the only nice person around. You never know, you might even meet someone on holiday 8)

Everything will work out in the end, it always does.

Good luck x
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Postby Llisa » Thu Jul 03, 2003 3:51 am

Hi Hun,
I can't really say much more ot you then these people have alreayd said, but one thing I want to touch on is your reference to ODing. My first boyfriend had a serious chemical imbalance in his brain that made him depressed all the time. (This was before I met him). He OD four times...all four times his parents got him to the hospital on time to pump out his stomach...thankfully. But it was SUCH an awful time for all his family and friends. Listen to me when I say that ending your life is never the solution to anything. It's such a selfish act. You end your pain but put way more people in much worse pain. Things look really bad now, but trust me, they WILL get better, and a few years down the road, when you're watching your beautiful wife and son play in the park...you'll be glad that you didn't make a stupid desicion of taking too many pills. k?
I'll be praying for you
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Postby paulg11 » Mon Jul 07, 2003 2:51 pm

well, just to let you all know that im no on holiday and its been a week since the witch hurt me. anyway, im so glad i got away. having a brilliant time and ive even met a lovely girl who wants to be with me. its so strange though kissing someone elses after 2 years of the 1 girl.
anyway, im still hurting slightly but i now know that there are plenty more fish in the sea and i will get over it, look back on this and probably be glad she did me the favour of finnishing as i may have found someone who really is my 1.
anyway, back to sunbathing and thanks for all your advice.
take care
Paul
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