My boyfriend and I.

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

My boyfriend and I.

Postby mariamaria » Sat Jul 05, 2003 6:12 pm

Hey everybody. I have a problem and I hope that somebody can help me with it. You see, my boyfriend lives in Middlesex and I live in West Yorkshire. That's like two hundred miles apart. We met on the internet and we love each other a lot. We've been together for over a year. The thing is that he said some things to me that really hurt me and have made me a bit worried and cautious. He told me that he doesnt want to move in with me and that he doesn't want to get married until he's like 40. I'm like, by then, my biological clock will have stopped ticking! I want to have children as I feel that this is the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I have a necklace around my neck that reads "******s B I T C H". It's because I'm so devoted to him that I would do anything for him. What can I say to him to kind of bring him around to my point of view so that I have a greater chance of persuading him to move in with me. I really love him and I'm not going to lose him over this. I just want him to move closer or to let me move closer to him so that I can see him more often than I see him now. I only see him once a month at the most at the moment. Can somebody please give me some advice as I am in desperate need of some wisdom?? Thanks a lot.
User avatar
mariamaria
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 570
Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2003 11:05 am
Location: Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, England, UK

Postby Llisa » Sat Jul 05, 2003 6:45 pm

HI hun,
I know you find me annoying...but I'm gonna try and help you anyways. Have you ever considered moving to where HE lives? I don't know if he has a job or whatever...I'm sure he does, but maybe he just doesn't want to uproot himself right now. Do you go to school? or do you work? You can always get a transfer with both things. You sound really devoted to him and you siad that you'd do anything for him...I think that YOU moving there would be a great big show of your love for him...more then words could express. Hope you can work it out.
Will be praying for you
User avatar
Llisa
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1509
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2003 6:01 am
Location: Right Here

Boyfriend trouble

Postby mixed up chick » Sat Jul 05, 2003 7:45 pm

Hey
I think Llisa may have a good point. You could move there.Im not sure of how old you are but if you are still quite young, you have to remember that right now he may not want to get married. In a few years though he might have completely changed his mind. Right now in his life he may just want to live as much as he can and party all night but In a few years he could realise that he wants to get married, have children and settle down. You could either wait a few years and see or look for someone else. This seems harsh but if you find someone now then you can get married in a few years and still have children when you are young. You have to remember as well you cant change your boyfriends mind if he doesn't want to change it. You have to respect his decision.
Goodluck
mixed up chick
 

Postby mariamaria » Sun Jul 06, 2003 10:05 am

Hey Llisa and mixed up chick. I would just like to say thank you very much for replying and giving me some advice. I have found your advice very helpful.

Yes Llisa, I do find you annoying, but I am extremely grateful for your effort towards helping me. I am very grateful and I appreciate your effort. Thank you. Yes, I have considered moving to where he lives but it's not an option right now as I am currently searching for a work placement for my modern apprenticeship and I don't think that me uprooting myself from where I currently live would be very wise considering that I am unemployed and don't have any money. I would love to move there if I could afford it. Maybe once my apprenticeship has finished, I'll transfer to Middlesex to be with him. He means the world to me, but doing that right now is not an option for me. Thanks for trying, Llisa. I'm 16, turning 17 on the 17th of July, mixed up chick. I didn't say that I wanted to get married right away. Heavens no. I want to get married sometime in my twenties. Maybe my mid-twenties, late twenties, that kind of thing. But not when I'm forty. I don't want to get married when I'm forty. That's just too old for me. By forty, I want to be married and to have had a child. My boyfriend does want to live as much of his life as he possibly can right now. He doesn't party though. He just wants to have his independence. Get his own place. Furnish it how he wants it to be furnished. He figures if we move in together, he won't get a say in any of the furnishings of the flat or the house that we might share. That is not true as my boyfriend and I share the same tastes in almost everything. I don't know why he says that I won't agree on anything he picks. To be honest, I don't want to find somebody else. I really don't. My current boyfriend means the world to me. He's my first love and he's the person that I lost my virginity to. He's also the person I have pictured growing old together with. You might call me immature or whatever because I think to far ahead or you might say that I'm too young to be thinking like this, but I am quite mature for my age at times and this is something that has never wavered in my mind. I have always been very strong and confident that we will grow old together and we will always be together. He is the one that I want to do everything with and when he told me the things that he told me about when he wants to get married and when he wants to have children etc, it just hurt.

Anyways, thank you guys for your support and advice. Any more suggestions and advice are welcome as I am still thinking about what Llisa and mixed up chick have said. Thanks you two.

Take care xxx
User avatar
mariamaria
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 570
Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2003 11:05 am
Location: Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, England, UK

Postby Llisa » Sun Jul 06, 2003 8:59 pm

HI hun,
Yes, after saying how old you are, I can see how my advice wouldn't work. Here's another twist on the idea then...Talk to him! You need to let him know what you're thinking, and how his actions are making you feel. Maybe he doesn't realize that you two living together is such a big deal. Tell him you don't care about how the flat is decorated, as long as he's in it with you.
But keep in mind that as much as you hate the thought, you MAY not spend the rest of your life with this guy. My last boyfriend I had...I was determined that I was going to marry him, and I knew he felt the same about me. But in almost under a week ,everything changed, and our relationship that had bene on for over three years suddenly came to halt and he dumped me. I was devestated of course, and still haven't completely gotten over it, but it just shows how things can change in the blink of an eye. I really hope that doesn't happen to you, but please don't go planning your life around this guy just yet. You're young and have so much to look forward to, just play it safe ok?
User avatar
Llisa
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1509
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2003 6:01 am
Location: Right Here

gobShite

Postby mikey » Thu Jul 10, 2003 3:02 pm

you are 16 and you want a man to move in with you and have his children.go back to the "edited for profanity" misatok11 15/07/03
User avatar
mikey
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2003 10:54 am

Postby tammybligh » Thu Jul 10, 2003 3:16 pm

Well that was very helpful wasn't it!!

My sister's been married for 10 years to a guy she's been with since she was 14. Just because MariaMaria is only 16, doesn't mean she's incapable of loving someone. Lets face it - your teens are a pretty emotional time!!

I don't think she wants to have kids right now, I think she's like to have the option in the future.

MariaMaria, I think the best thing you can do is tell him how you feel. If he's adament that he really doesn't want the same things as you, then it probably isn't meant to be. I know the idea of that is horrible, but in the end I think you'll probably end up resenting him.

Not very helpful advice I know, but it's a bit of a tricky one....

Good luck with it all, I sincerely hope it all works out for you x
User avatar
tammybligh
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 103
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2003 4:52 pm

Postby mariamaria » Thu Jul 10, 2003 3:23 pm

If things weren't meant to be between me and him I don't think that I could go out there and find someone else. I'm not attractive enough and I'm not confident enough to go out there and find somebody. What can I do?
User avatar
mariamaria
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 570
Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2003 11:05 am
Location: Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, England, UK

grow up

Postby mazzy » Thu Jul 10, 2003 3:31 pm

Grow up and stop feeling sorry for yourself .
you are 16 and you reckon you found love over the internet.i think if you can fall in love like that i reckon you wouldn't have much problem fallin for someone again.
If you feel your too ugly, don't worry there are plenty of ugly people out there lookin for love.don't aim to high.

Edited for profanity misatok11 15/07/03
mazzy
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2003 10:37 am

Postby tammybligh » Thu Jul 10, 2003 3:32 pm

First and foremost you need to build up your confidence. You should never feel that you're not attractive enough to go out with anyone else. If you were unattractive then why is your current partner with you..... people love you for who you are, not what you look like. I know that sometimes it doesn't feel like that, but believe me... it's true!

But I wasn't saying that you weren't meant to be together - I've just found that in the past, the healthiest relationships are based on similar interests. You haven't said how old this guy is.... if he's a similar age to you, then I suspect that he just means that he doesn't wants kids for a while. 40 is probably just a number he picked out of mid air. As for the living together - he hasn't said that he never wants to live with you, he just doesn't want to do it right now. Men are far more cautious than us in these sort of situations!!

Seriously - talk to him, find out if you have anything to worry about. There's not point stressing yourself out about this if there's no need.
User avatar
tammybligh
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 103
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2003 4:52 pm

Postby mariamaria » Thu Jul 10, 2003 3:44 pm

He's 19 and I'm 17 on the 17th of this month. He wants to live his life. Without me. Doesn't want me around. He told me so himself. So why I should stick around is beyond me. He tells me he loves me but he tells me that he doesn't know what love is. So I'm giving up. There's no point in putting all of my hope into a serious relationship such as this one when I'm screwed up in the head.
User avatar
mariamaria
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 570
Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2003 11:05 am
Location: Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, England, UK

Postby tammybligh » Thu Jul 10, 2003 3:50 pm

Nobody should go out with somebody who doesn't want them... you're worth so much more than that. You need to find someone who feels the same way that you do.

I'm sure you'll find someone soon x
User avatar
tammybligh
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 103
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2003 4:52 pm


Return to Girlfriends & Boyfriends - Husbands & Wives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests