She wants to go away

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She wants to go away

Postby Good Ole JR » Fri Jul 11, 2003 2:40 pm

Hi there,

My problem is a bit trivial my fiance and i have been together almost one year and ever since we moved in together she constnatly tests me to see what my reaction is, her exhusband tried to control her and i am nothing like him i am placid and believe she has her own life.

The thing is she wants to go away on her own without me and leave me at home to look after her 14 year old son when i told her that i didn't want her to go, mainly becuase of the way she told me as opposed to ask, she flipped, we made up and i am willing to let her go but am scared to let her i never want to stop her doing anything but am i being a fool? surely we should be going away together and not seperatly i thought that is what being a couple meant.

Any advice woudl be gratefully received.
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She wants to go away

Postby Good Ole JR » Fri Jul 11, 2003 2:54 pm

Sorry folks i shoudl have also said that she is divorced an in her 30's and i have never had a serious relationship and am in my 20's but the age difference does not bother us and everyone has accepted it becasue we do make each other happy 99% of the time but there is the odd occasion when i stop and think hang on a minute do i really need all this agro? Then i think how much she means to me and realise that being without her isn't an option and i can put up with anything if it means i spend my life with her, she is my world.

I suppose my real problem is that i don't want to risk losing her by letting her go but if i don't then i may lose her anyway, besides that there is the fact that i have to look after her 14 year old son who is a good kid but very boystrous and can do my head in!

Any advice much appreciated.
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Postby misatok11 » Sat Jul 12, 2003 10:15 am

You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel and the strain you sometimes come under, if you haven't already.
She may be enjoying the freedom with you that she never had before and making up for it now. You are obviously a caring partner but stress the point about how you feel.
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Postby Lorelei » Sat Jul 12, 2003 11:53 pm

I think she has the right to go away but she does NOT have right to decree that you should look after her son without even asking you! You should never try to control a partner but you do have to stand up for yourself. Maybe she feels that she can treat you like this because you're a placid person or because you're younger but she'll never take you seriously or treat you with the respect that you deserve unless you assert yourself and make it clear that, although you're willing to let her live her own life, when it infringes on yours you're not going to stand for it! Best of luck! You're obviously a strong person, you've embraced a situation that most guys of your age would run from and you've made it work, I'm sure you're sensitive enough to realise that just because she's older, it doesn't make her the more mature party. That might well be you and so you'll have to talk to her and make her realise that compromising isn't being controlled and that she is very lucky to have such an understanding partner! Hope it all works out!xxx
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