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is this depression?

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 2:49 pm
by Tigger1974
Just before Christmas I met my partner, the attraction was instant for both of us and initially for the first 2 weeks we just text each other because I was working away over Christmas in Austria. Our texts were wonderful and we really got to know each other without actually being together. After Christmas we met up and started our relationship properly and it was every bit as amazing as we had hoped it would be. The only propblem on the horizon was his business, which was failing. He told me right from day one that he might have to liquidate and while he was worried about this it didnt stop us having great times together. However in the last few weeks things have got pretty bad, he is going through the liquidation process and has basically lost everything, his home, his car, his pride! and now lives with his Mom. I must just add that he is 49, I am 37.
Two weeks ago we went out for the evening, had a lovely night and went back to his Moms, everything was fine between us and we were actually planning what to do the following weekend. He was suggesting things and places to go etc everything was ok. Then I bought up his problems.....I said that if he wanted to talk I was there for him. I watched as the colour drained out of his face and he changed in that instant, told me that he was finished, that he had no future and nothing to offer me.....two days later he told me that , in his words " I cant be in a relationship at the moment" I was devastated but agreed to be there for him as a friend. I was clinging to the hope (and still am) that this is just a reaction to his life and business seemingly falling apart around him. we have met up since as friends and got on just as we always have but then he will go 2 weeks before he will see me again, he has days where we text constantly and then the next he hardly wants to speak to me? At the moment he is so distant and I just feel that I have to be so careful what I say. Other people have told me that he has told them that he thinks the world of me but has nothing to offer. He is a very proud man and he feels as if he has failed.
His Father left his Mother when he was 5 and his elder brother and sister went too so the family was split and they dont have a good relationship even now and his last serious girlfriend (who he was engaged to) left him too so hes never really had anyone in his life who has "stayed" apart from his Mom.
People close to him are telling me not to take this personallly and to sit tight because he will come around and I want to do this more than anything! He means the world to me andI know he isnt intentionally trying to hurt me but its so hard. I miss him so much but I feel his depression and everything going on around him are the cause of this seperation and Im just praying that if I hold on, even when it seems as if he doesnt want me, that one day he will come through it and come back to me. I have never met anyone like him in my life, he is very special to me and we evern talked about our futures together, prior to this. I cant see how he can switch off his feelings so quickly so I have to hang in there and just be there for him