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Day job, music and marriage problems

PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 1:39 pm
by orangepeel
I’m married and we have 2 children. Our relationship then later marriage was very tumultuous because abuse was involved. Although he has calmed down, there are some little abusive manifestations that have come up from time to time. I went through a depression because I was financially dependent on my husband. Then fortunately I found a good job, and I also work part time as a singer. (often weekends and at nights)

I had almost six months in which I combined day job (during the week) and concerts (during weekends), I had some days off. But needless to say it is exhausting, not easy for our family, but it has helped me complete my driver’s license (which can cost up to 3000 EUR in Germany) I still have a lot of debts to pay off so I would need to carry on with the concerts, but in a more moderate way (maybe 1 or 2 weekends a month).
Unfortunately, my husband who supported me when he could with the singing, is now fed up.
I have to mention that he has not been very consistent in supporting me. The same spouse that would happily stay home with the kids when I am gone, would turn ballistic and sabotage me by preventing me from going to some concerts or causing lateness. He once locked me up in our bedroom because he did not want me to go.

Sometimes he wants me to completely drop the music. Sometimes he suggests that I get back to working on my personal project (album and etc…) in order to have better control on my schedule. Sometimes he says he could deal with just 1 concert a month. He thinks I am over ambitious and that I put the music before the family, and that I should consider making some sacrifices for the well being of our family. He is very unhappy with his present job, emotionally drained by our debts, and wants us to start a brand new life in another country (he is applying for a new job and wants to get a degree to be competitive on the market).

On my side, I am not sure I want to follow him. He has been financially irresponsible, so I stopped trusting him and started developing a ‘fend for myself’ attitude. The extra money from corporate concerts has helped our family countless times. I am fortunate enough to be able to make extra music with my first love which is music, and to have a day job that keeps regular money coming. I worked hard and many years to get to this stage. Now he wants me to ‘find other ways to find extra money’ because I am making our home dysfunctional.

So I am very hurt and I feel very misunderstood that he expects me to leave all of that, when he gave me absolutely no reason to trust him over the years. He expects me to look forward, get over the past and learn how to trust him again. I have done that a hundred times and he failed me. How do I do that? Am I being selfish wanting to hang on to what I know is safe? Our daughter (10) is not happy either about the concerts... I feel torn and confused that my family feels this way about what has been my first love my whole life.