Perfect boyfriend problems

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Perfect boyfriend problems

Postby nlh91 » Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:30 am

Hey guys, I'm just looking for some neutral opinions on something, as the people I'm close to I don't feel like I can share this stuff with. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months, he's my best friends brother and I've known him over ten years. He's 100% the perfect boyfriend in theory, he always spends time with me, shows me off to his friends, makes romantic gestures, has a decent job and is really affectionate. I'm just hung up on the past and have been since the day we got together, and I'm not sure if we should have in the first place. We started sleeping together occasionally, basically I cheated on my ex boyfriend with him one night when we had a massive row. Months went by and we hooked up again once, again after I had a row with me ex and we eventually broke up. I kind of broke up with my ex because I started to have feelings for this guy. One night, we were texting and planning to have a drink the next night. I was at my friends and he was at home, his ex is a friend of his other sister (I know, ridiculous situation) and she came round to his house. They ended up sleeping together. They had been broken up 8 months and hardly saw eachother so I don't know where this came from. My best friend told me in passing as nobody knew my feelings for him, but I told her how I felt as soon as she told me, and she told him. I was so hurt but then I realised he didn't know that I liked him, in fact I gave him reason to think he was just a friend with benefits. He's liked me for 8 years and his friends have made that clear to me but he never thought we would get together, so you would think that him sleeping with me would put him off seeing anyone else if he's liked me for that long...Now 5 months later I can't stop thinking about it. I got with him because I care for him so much, and I really thought it was a mistake and I could forgive it, but I don't think I ever can. Am unreasonable to feel like this? How can I let it go? I have OCD and I think this plays a part in the situation...but it's ruining my relationship!
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Re: Perfect boyfriend problems

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:00 pm

Yes you are wrong. You weren't with him and the times you slept with him you were still with your ex.
He owed you nothing at that point.
If you continue to dwell on this you will sabotage a great relationship and that would be such a shame.
If anything he should be the one who is worried, every time you have an argument you could go sleep with a friend with benefits (it's your history with him so why wouldn't you do it now)
If he can put the past behind him you need to as well.
If you have OCD issues either get some cognitive therapy (excellent if you can afford it) or go to the doctor to discuss treatment on the NHS.
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Re: Perfect boyfriend problems

Postby nlh91 » Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:21 pm

Thank you I really needed to hear that. My family live in the Stone Age and if I told them I wouldn't get the answer I needed. Just to add I don't make a habit of cheating. I wouldn't do this now but I can see why he would be worried, yet he isn't. I just need things to add up. I've had CBT in the past but I'm too weak minded, I can't work things over in my head like they ask me too, just go back to the negative all of the time. I have a history of depression and I'm considering going back on medication, I just hate the side effects.
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Re: Perfect boyfriend problems

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Oct 30, 2014 12:53 pm

There are so many medications and they improve all the time
Tell your doctor you feel you need medication but are reluctant because of side affects and hopefully they will offer something more suitable
Also if it doesn't work go back and swap to something else
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Re: Perfect boyfriend problems

Postby snail » Thu Oct 30, 2014 2:28 pm

nlh91 wrote:I've had CBT in the past but I'm too weak minded, I can't work things over in my head like they ask me too, just go back to the negative all of the time.


That sounds like you just need to practise it more. It IS hard for everyone but it gets easier the more you do it. It's all about breaking patterns and it depends on how firmly they have been established.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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