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help with married man

Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 2:52 pm
by missjc7
12 years ago i became friends with a man i didn't know he was married at the time i was 18 and he was 19 years older than me anyway things developed and we ended up getting close and this resulted in sexual contact between us but not full sex, things continued on like this for around 5 years we would hang out and things would just happen between us anyway i fell head over heels in love with him and then i found out he was married and was devastated he apologised and said he didn't want to hurt me but he couldn't help doing things with me so i tried to end contact with him for the sake of his family but he kept pulling me back in and stupid me totally in love with him kept on giving in to him even though i know it was wrong.

Anyway 2 years ago i stopped hanging out with him but remained on-line friends but ever since then every day he messages me saying he misses me loves me and wants us to pick up where we left off but take things further as in have full sex whilst i know this is wrong because he is still married i cant help but want to see him as part of me still loves him he was the first person i had ever fallen in love with and was the last there has never been anyone else. I don't know how to get over him i know he's using me but part of me thinks that as he has been trying to get me to see him for the last 2 years does he really care about me ? how do i get over him? i think about him 24/7 :cry:

Re: help with married man

Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:34 pm
by Tarantula
You have all the information you need to make a wise decision.

Ok, so you were 18 at the time when he lured you in - you can blame teenage naiveté to a point - but you're a full grown woman now, it's time to step it up and stop hanging around as this guy's bit of meat on the side.

Is that really what you hoped for from a relationship?

If he was serious about being with you, he would divorce his wife - or at the very least separate - and then contact you once it was done. He's not making that effort. Why? Because he knows he doesn't have to. He's not stupid. He knows darn well that he can just send you a few messages and you'll come running.

Again, is that who you want to be?

Don't play with your life, this isn't a game, there are real people with real feelings involved. How can you think that your feelings for him justify what he - and you - have done? I feel so sorry for the wife. And I feel sorry for you, in a way, because for you to even be in this situation you must have some self esteem issues. Why don't you believe you deserve better, pet?

You've said it yourself. 'I know he's using me but....' there is no but. He is using you. What part of that is escaping your awareness? He doesn't love you, he just wants to get in as a tidy l'il escape from his adult responsibilities to the person he married.

Perhaps you're enjoying the ego boost of being the desirable Other Girl, but there's a fella out there who would commit to you properly if you stopped settling for this toe-rag of a man. He thinks he can say any old thing to you and you, sweetness, will give him whatever he wants. He doesn't need to commit or make a choice; you're making it so easy for him.

Is that who you really are?

Please think about his wife. Obviously he's not happy with her and there will be reasons for that, but instead of chasing your you-know-what, he should be attempting to resolve or else leaving his wife. You know, she's just the person he promised to be with and be loyal to.

Sounds like a catch. You get to decide who you're gonna be in relation to this highly unjust situation. I know you're probably going to go with him anyway, but please take a second to really think. The stakes are high and real. It's not a game of pretend. What you choose to do will have big repercussions.

Where's the solidarity, sister?

Re: help with married man

Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2014 11:59 am
by Bel Bel
Block him on all forms of social media
How do you expect to get over him when you are getting daily reminders.
If he would do this to his wife why wouldn't he do it to you? How do you know there aren't already others of you in his life?
If he loved you that much why hasn't he left his wife as Tarantula says?

Re: help with married man

Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 3:45 pm
by Minna
I agree with Taratula and Bel Bel.

If he was so unhappy in his marriage he would have ended it years ago. Actually, I suspect that his wife has no idea that he is unhappy (or it could be that he is perfectly happy, but he just can't resist the idea that he could possibly have sex on the side with another (younger) woman! The classic "having your cake and eating it"!). No wonder he is yawling round you like an old tom cat!!

Listen - if his wife were to find out about you I'm afraid that this creep would drop you like a hot potato! You are on a hiding to nowhere. Don't get yourself lumbered with this manipulative, selfish man! Give yourself some dignity and find a man who will love you and won't treat you as an "extra" in his life.