how do you get over someone?

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how do you get over someone?

Postby lizzie2596 » Sun Nov 09, 2014 10:13 pm

I know this is a common problem, but I feel unable to move on from my relationship. We broke up about 3 months ago, after I'd found out he'd cheated on me again. The first time he told me he'd slept with his ex, and I forgave him, but I later found out about a couple more incidents with other girls for which I decided to leave. Despite all this, I'm still in love with him. The other day I found out he's been seeing a friend of his, a really pretty and nice girl who I always used to worry that he fancied when we were going out. I'm completely devastated, because it felt like every insecurity I had about our relationship turned out to be true, and that he never loved me at all. Even though I really loved him, I feel like I was just a rebound from his ex, and that he would have never gone out with me if the other girl he fancied had been single when he'd broken up with his ex. I feel like our relationship meant nothing to him, and I'm just some sort of stepping stone between these two relationships.
I know I'm being really self-pitying, and it's not attractive, but I also get annoyed that everyone feels sorry for me. A lot of my friends haven't had relationships and they've certainly never been in a situation like this. This was my first relationship, and any advice on how to feel better about things would be much very much appreciated
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Re: how do you get over someone?

Postby jen » Mon Nov 10, 2014 1:13 am

Hi lizzie. This may not be much of a comfort to you but I was in a similar situation myself a number of years ago. I think it's worse when cheating is involved as it's sort of like the rug has been pulled from under you. You don't have the various stages of the relationship going downhill, getting worse and then eventually the breakup. With cheating everyfhing can be fine then you're hit with a bombshell then it's all over. You hate what they've done and you feel so angry with them but the love is still there. Then you feel angry with yourself for still feeling the love part. The positive side is that you can take small comfort in knowing that you did the right thing by ending it. With regards to getting over it, everyone is different. I found that doing the things I enjoyed and spending time with other people I love helped a lot. For me I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and watched a tonne of boxsets. Then when I felt able I spent lots of time with friends, going out and doing the fun things I used to enjoy doing without him before the breakup. As I said though, everyone is different. Some people hit the town and immediately start moving on, other people prefer to be alone and not go anywhere. Just don't be too hard on yourself for not being over him. I would also suggest avoiding him at all costs which includes facebook, messenger and phone contact. I'm sure a lot of the other folks on here will have more suggestions as well.
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Re: how do you get over someone?

Postby lizzie2596 » Mon Nov 10, 2014 6:37 pm

Thanks, it's really helpful to hear people have been in similar situations, and I hope everything worked out for you when you were in that situation. I haven't really had much chance to move, even though I would like to, I feel like I haven't had much energy for socialising or talking to new guys. I'm starting to move on more now, it's just been difficult because we're both at the same college and I have to see him everyday. Your advice has been great though, thanks
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Re: how do you get over someone?

Postby jen » Mon Nov 10, 2014 7:52 pm

Thats really unfortunate that you need to see him every day. I was lucky in that respect as I didn't have to see my ex. You may feel the way you do now but trust me one day (possibly sooner than you think) you will start to want to get out and about. Until then just try and stay positive (easier said than done) and know that the pain will pass and one day you may be passing on advice to someone else going through this :-)
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