stuff which hapened before you met

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stuff which hapened before you met

Postby adrian101a » Fri Dec 19, 2014 1:40 am

Anyway the problem is that I have had a 20 yr run of bad luck, yrs of depression when nothing went right for me and I sank into a viscious circle , when i thought i was going to die alone penniless and unloved

then I found a business i am starting up and i approached the woman who is beyond my wildest dreams who is now my wonderful girlfriend who i fell in love with on first site, and want to marry -have to marry -

slight issue in that we are apart at the moment but she is moving nearer to me in 2015 so things can only get better then

the problem is each of us believes we are the lucky one and the other will leave us

one time when i was in england and she was in scotland i emailed her and as part of what i said - (in what i thought was a joke) i told her that i had deleted all my porn and she took it really badly that i used to like that stuff, and questioned me about whether i felt those women were sexy and it is a real thing for her to get over - i will never lie to her, and telling the truth is hurting her

the truth is that i have been deeply depressed for so long - when you think youre think youre going to die alone and unloved its terrible and it changes you
and then you come along and all i see is light then because of the darkness, the drinking, the depression, the self destructive behaviour and porn was a temporary unsatisfactory release those women were superficially sexy but not in any way what i am looking for

she comes back with stuff like
" Perhaps its a tramp like that you need - Hurt isnt the word. You don't understand because you can't"

if I cant help her get over stuff that I did before we met, she will end up pushing me away

I love her deeply and cant lose her -

what do i have to do
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Re: stuff which hapened before you met

Postby snail » Fri Dec 19, 2014 3:56 pm

I would suggest that you keep telling her what you have said here - that these women weren't what you really wanted and it was a temporary unsatisfactory release. A lot of women have trouble with porn and all the more so if they are feeling a bit insecure in the relationship or themselves, but ultimately she will probably come to terms with this. Most single men look at porn, after all, so whether it is right or wrong it at least isn't unusual. She may just need some time to get used to the idea.
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Re: stuff which hapened before you met

Postby adrian101a » Mon Dec 22, 2014 1:51 am

thanks i will try, and i am a stubborn git who wont be happy till i marry her and make her happy
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Re: stuff which hapened before you met

Postby David020549 » Fri Dec 26, 2014 8:03 am

I am afraid you have probably told the truth once too often and her confidence in you has gone, it will always be in the back of her mind spoiling the relationship. I hope the scar heals but if she has taken to taunting you about it it does not look very good, all you can do is be as nice and loving towards her as you can but don't shower her with gifts that will only keep reminding her.
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Re: stuff which hapened before you met

Postby adrian101a » Sat Dec 27, 2014 12:50 am

Im not sure if it's taunting

she has no one in Scotland she can confide in -she is very unhappy there and she's in pain -as she wants to move down asap
when we are together everything is fine,its just that it may take some time and being stuck where she is in her life up north is toxic for her

i need to work on helping her move down and just remind her - nice comment about showering her with gifts - i have no money till the business pics up so that wont happen anyways all i can do is be persistent and work

if any other women have had this issue I would love to know how you coped.

sausage men behaving badly and coupling has got a lot to answer for
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Re: stuff which hapened before you met

Postby jen » Sat Dec 27, 2014 1:24 am

I'm sorry but i don't think you have done anything that warrants her behaviour. At the end of the day most peple have or do watch porn. It's not necessarily about watching it just for the hot women/guys but more about watching what they are doing. It's not real life, it's fantasy. Some people watch certain movies/tv programmes for a bit of escapism from real life and some people watch porn if they don't have access to the real thing or watch it as a couple to try something new and spice things up a bit. Obviously someone who's a bit insecure or not in a good place like your partner seems to be might feel hurt or betrayed by you watching it but that's more about the place they're in or issues they have. You say everything's fine when you're together so it probably is more to do with the issues she's got going on just now rather than it JUST being about the porn. You sound like you're being a good partner. You watched porn. You didn't lie to her or cheat on her so i think you just need to carry on being a great boyfriend and the next time she brings it up just reassure her that you love her but don't apologise any more.
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Re: stuff which hapened before you met

Postby Tucco » Sat Dec 27, 2014 5:51 pm

this whole porn thing comes up a lot, I basically believe that men generally are stimulated by looking and seeing things and women generally by the thought of something ( I may not have explained that very well).
Whenever I have looked at porn I never compare any female to my wife or any male to myself (sadly) , I would not be able to remember what any of the actors looked like within a couple of hours watching, except for one guy who lives near me who I keep seeing in the pub now and again lol.
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Re: stuff which hapened before you met

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Dec 29, 2014 1:59 pm

you are absolutely rigth Tucco
"Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" is a great book is this exact subject of men being more visual
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