I always compare myself to others.. help?

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules

I always compare myself to others.. help?

Postby --pinky-- » Tue Dec 30, 2014 4:12 am

I will try to keep this short but there is alot of thoughts rushing about my head, I apologise in advance for any babbling.

I am having problems within my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together nearly a year. I'm 29 years old, he is 31.
We met online dating which a friend suggested to me since Id been single over a year and she said I 'have alot to offer' so I took the plunge and met the most funny, handsome and affectionate man. The 1st half of the relationship was amazing, out all the time, getting to know each other, meeting his friends and family, all great fun. However after a few months the cracks started showing and it is really testing us. My boyfriend tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful 100 times a day... but I cant accept it. I feel like I'm not worth loving.

In general, Ive always had these feelings that I'm not as good as other people. It stretches back to childhood. I constantly worry that he is mistaken and that he is better suited to other girls. Ive became obsessed with his ex and compare myself to her all the time because she is more successful and prettier than me. I'm acting like a complete lunatic and I cant even watch some tv programmes because I'm absolutely terrified that someone who looks like her appears. My anxiety levels have gone through the roof, last week I was so upset my doctor prescribed me diazepam.

We have had alot of discussions (and arguments) regarding this behaviour and my boyfriend has got really upset and wonders why I cant let him love me. He says that all he wants is to make me smile and to give me all the things I want in life so I can be happy. But I feel like I am destined to never be happy. My boyfriend has accepted that I have alot of issues with my self esteem but my jealousy is completely out of control! Ive made him get rid of dvds because Ive felt threatened by the women in them and I've woken him up in the middle of the night shouting because I was upset at the photographs I found of his ex online. I'm appalled at my behaviour and I dont know why I'm doing this?!?? Hes told me that he feels like he is walking on eggshells and he now worries that he cant go places or watch certain films incase something comes up and I go off on 1. That's incredibly unfair to him, I hate myself for making him feel that way.

He has opened up his life to me, shared everything he owns with me, gave me a new start because previously I lived at home (which is an incredibly hostile environment). I have this wonderful opportunity right infront of me, but constantly have this weight bearing down on me telling me that I'm not good enough.

I don't know whats wrong with me. I cant focus on the future because the past is controlling me. I dont want my boyfriend to leave me but I think hes better than me. I'm struggling and feel like a freak, its getting to the point where I cant bear looking in the mirror because I find myself so revolting, inside and out. I dont know what he sees in me and I dont know what to do. I'm 30 in a few months and cant even have a relationship properly
:cry: :cry: :cry:
User avatar
Just Landed
Just Landed
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 5:16 am
Location: scotland
Gender: Female

Re: I always compare myself to others.. help?

Postby Tucco » Tue Dec 30, 2014 3:46 pm

Hi Pinky,

quite clearly you need some professional help, you know this as it is quite clear in your post, you say you have always had these feelings and they stretch back to you childhood so clearly they need to be addressed.
It sounds as though you have met decent supportive person ,this will be a massive help when you are in the healing process, please go back to your GP and get the help you need.

One final thought, your boyfriend wants you so accept this, his ex is an ex for REASON!

Good luck .
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
Posts: 62
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2011 3:39 pm
Gender: Male

Re: I always compare myself to others.. help?

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Dec 30, 2014 3:52 pm


Something has made you very insecure.

He isn't with the ex so she can't be that great.

All these feelings and thoughts can be addressed and changed if you are willing to listen and do the things the therapist tells you. It sounds like you are ready for change.
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Location: Hertfordshire
Gender: Female

Return to Girlfriends & Boyfriends - Husbands & Wives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 5 guests