How to redeem yourself - Bunny boiler

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How to redeem yourself - Bunny boiler

Postby angel-in-love » Thu Jan 01, 2015 1:55 pm

Hi everyone I am new on here and need some help!!

I have been seeing this guy for around about 8 weeks now, all very whirlwind romance, 4dates in and we had booked a holiday together.

He was obsessed with me and I was slightly more reserved, until a few dates in I realised I was smitten, we then had our first little domestic and he seemed to realise he had rushed it a little, but by this point, I was at the same pace as he was.

He then seemed to back off, I just put this down to work and he was away in New York and had to make some important career decisions, so I carried on.

Then just before Xmas he said he needed some space and time, I had become too nice, needy, pushy and I craved attention and explanations too often and I was completely gobsmacked.

I then sat back and thought wtf.. he used to be obsessed, wouldn't go a night without seeing me or at least ringing and texting constantly! So I sat and read through lots of my messages to him and sat there and thought omg, I completely see it!! If he'd not reply id message again, or send another one saying 'you busy today' and begging to see him even if only for an hour or begging for attention, now I completely understand why this comes across to him as bunny boiler alert... but at first, I was only reciprocating how he was with me!!

He still very much wants to see me and last night I explained to him in full that I completely understand why he feels as he does and that as much as it came across in a very bunny boiler ish way that is not the case at all. I apologised and asked for a fresh start, I got no response but I did get a text and a phone call at midnight hopefully that was his way of saying yes.

I desperately want to redeem myself, I am in no way shape or form a bunny boiler but I realise my actions speak otherwise, its just been a whole since I have felt this way about someone and I am so embarrassed. How do I go about this now? Do I just leave him be until he gets in touch? I just don't want to make it any worse than it is.

Sorry its so long but I just want some outside opinions. Thank you
angel-in-love
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Re: How to redeem yourself - Bunny boiler

Postby Tarantula » Thu Jan 01, 2015 11:24 pm

Hiya

Read Gregg Michaelson's 'who holds the cards now?' - It's a short piece of writing, like you can finish it in an hour, and I read it the other day and it blew my mind - once you get past the cheesy preamble.

Basically, you need to start creating tension again; when you're too readily available, he feels locked down, and we all like to feel free - even if we're married with five kids.

So, you do this by essentially flipping the script on your normal behaviour (but in a non-catty way!) by NOT doing what you normally do, so the desired effect is him being INTERESTED in you again. Conveniently, everything Gregg recommends will also have you feeling great about yourself from its own side! You need to plug back into your OWN life again, and see how the energy shifts and he responds.

He's obviously still interested so you haven't blown it; now you need to create value by doing things a bit differently.

Really, read the book (more of a report than a book). It's so so good. The way it's written too is really easy and pleasant to read and left me feeling like wow yeah, I can do this and this is good for me to do!
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