11 year lie

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11 year lie

Postby Torturedmind » Sun Jan 04, 2015 10:17 am

Relationship started 11 years ago, we both worked with a guy (a real player) I asked her if she had been there she said she hadn't (I always suspected she had tho) she got Ill and had a transplant 2 years in, I stuck by her through all the stuff that was going on.
Over the 11 years on a few occasions the player guy question came up again every time she furiously denied it even ending up with me apologising for accusing her!
A year ago I discovered that she had stopped taking the pill with out telling me 2 years previously!
And I have since discovered 2 months ago that something did happen with the player, she admitted that she had sex with him twice in his car! (Certain parts of the details don't add up time wise to me and it is wrecking my brain constantly!)
Now this did happen before we got together and I clearly love her but she has lied repeatedly about this for so long and with the pill thing it all seems doomed to me, I'm constantly thinking about him and her it wakes me up I hate it and it can't/won't let myself forget! She's made me feel like I'm going mad.
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Re: 11 year lie

Postby David020549 » Sun Jan 04, 2015 6:13 pm

What lovers your lady had before you is not your concern and you were wrong to make an issue of it, if she is faithfull that is what matters and if you loved her you should apologise. If however you are determined to continue with this obsession then leave and end the torment for you both, but after 11 yrs that is probably going to be a very expensive obsession
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Re: 11 year lie

Postby Torturedmind » Sun Jan 04, 2015 6:17 pm

So you feel that I am being unfair? What of the 11 year deceit and the attempt to trick me into pregnancy?
How do you suggest I can ever trust her again?
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Re: 11 year lie

Postby Tucco » Sun Jan 04, 2015 7:39 pm

Hi there,
I think you have been wronged on two levels here, I can understand your GF denying her tryst with the player initially but once things had gotten more serious between you she should have owned up.

As for stopping taking the pill, this should absolutely be a joint decision and you have every right to be angry.

You now need to make some serious decisions, you have invested a lot in your relationship but you obviously cannot fully trust your partner, you need to decide if you can get past both these issues or if you need to end things.

Good luck.
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Re: 11 year lie

Postby Torturedmind » Sun Jan 04, 2015 8:29 pm

Thankyou for your very considered response
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Re: 11 year lie

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jan 07, 2015 5:14 pm

I think the first lie was because she thought she would lose you
Then owning up would have caused you to know she lied and she knew the trust would be lost
Shew was younger and silly but this could be forgiven if she hadn't then done the thing with the pill
I agree this is a massive deceit and not something anyone should do. Bringing a child in the world without the others consent is reckless at the very least

Based on the pill incident I am not sure you can ever trust her but if you want to try then some serious couples counselling is the only way to proceed imo
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