Hormones in the way

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Hormones in the way

Postby Nomad » Wed Jan 07, 2015 12:10 am

Any advice?

I feel a little bit like a teenager on this one and am in my late 30s but really appreciate others views. For a long time I have felt sort of physically numb, partly from breaking up from a relationship and partly from my reoccurring depression. However happily I seem to have finally 'woken up' again. This is a good thing as I know it means I am in a better state in my head, however I had forgotten what it was like to battle with hormones and sex drive.

Over and over in my life I have become clouded by my completely one tracked mind when I meet someone. We've all been there when some one seems seriously attractive but then quickly you realise it was just oyur hormones talking. I think I've even got into relationships before because the power of my sex drive at the start is so overwhelming and takes so long to calm down that I am convinced I must reaaaaally like them. When this happens I sort of feel like I have no choice but to get invovled. Then later when the relationship doesn't work out, I wonder what I ever saw in them. It's almost like I never learned as a kid how to tell the difference between really liking someone, and just feeling attracted to them. I'm embarrassed to admit I still think I may not know the differnce.

Can anyone help me with that? I've finally started dating again and I don't have a clue how to make the right decisions. I'm petrified of choosing the wrong partner (I had a long term relationship in my 20s but since them have had a series of disasters). There are all sorts of things that make me attracted to someone, often personality. For example I just went on a trip and got to know someone over the week. We hit it off and had a laugh and by the end of the trip I was starting to have naughty thoughts about him and wanted to be around him all the time. Now I am home he is on my mind a lot, and my sex drive is sky high. Now, I know it will wear off but it is very confusing, do i like this guy, or has it just been a while since I had any!. He is sweet but not a long term prospect. Or is he? How do I recognise the difference?

The other situ looming is with an old old acquatance/friend. We know each other through mutual friends and have recently decided to get together for a weekend and test the water. We've always liked each other and snogged often at events, but don't really know each other well. Ever since we were reunited a month ago I've been 'on heat ' again! So I'm petrified that when we meet up to 'get to know each other' my judgement will be clouded by my filthy mind rather than making a sensible judgement as to wether we should date seriously. (Ive even timed the weekend for when I have my period in the hope it will deter me from trying it on!).

Any ideas how to manage all that? The stupid thing is, when I get into any relationship it always has a steamy start but then my libido dies completely and I loose all interest. My libido is so effected by my mind. It drives me nuts.

Thanks in advance for any tips, or sharing if anyone has a similar experience. I so want to find a relationship but feel the red mist is back to confuse me!
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Re: Hormones in the way

Postby snail » Wed Jan 07, 2015 1:36 pm

I think, based on all the things you've written on here, your libido is (as you say) more about your mind than about your hormones. I think if you could sort out some of the underlying problems with things like the depression, the loneliness, and your tendency to be very polar - everything is either very much one way or very much the other way - it would probably be more steady, instead of fluctuating as it does.

That doesn't really help you here though, I know. Perhaps you could decide dispassionately in your head what a sensible time scale would be for starting sex and the frequency of sex in a new relationship, and stick to that no matter what, rather than going with your inclinations? And (apologies for being crude) but you could perhaps handle that restriction by masturbating, while thinking about the man, in every spare moment, as it were.
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Re: Hormones in the way

Postby Nomad » Wed Jan 07, 2015 2:58 pm

Thank you. Yes, the fluctuating does seem to be a theme. I wonder if I am bi polar but dont think the contrasts are enough (I have known others with this condition). I will keep working on the 'middle ground' and see if it has a knock on effect here too. In the mean time I am just going to have to be really careful I dont keep picking the wrong men!
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Re: Hormones in the way

Postby snail » Wed Jan 07, 2015 3:20 pm

I think having any emotional/psychological condition makes you prone to fluctuations - I know when I am depressed a small thing can upset me tremendously or, similarly, cheer me up to an irrational degree and make me laugh hysterically. I think one's mind and emotions just get tired and 'rigid' and stop being able to see shades of grey. People with genuine bipolar usually have other symptoms and often a family history of the illness.
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Re: Hormones in the way

Postby Nomad » Wed Jan 07, 2015 5:28 pm

You are right, it is not likely that I am BP. Thank you for your thoughts
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Re: Hormones in the way

Postby David020549 » Sun Jan 18, 2015 1:09 pm

I hesitated wether to contribute to this female subject but here goes. All us guys know you girls have hormones and that they make you unpredictable and all the other female traits. I would want to be warned that you have hormone swings and that the highs would be wonderful but to make allowances for the lows.
That way I would know it was not my fault, if the highs are as good as you say the wait would be worth it
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Re: Hormones in the way

Postby Nomad » Tue Jan 20, 2015 7:06 pm

Thanks David, only just seen this. It is always useful to get a man's perspective and I appreciate it. Yes, that is very good advice. I need to be open and honest about my swings the next time I am in a relationship. To be honest I tried to in the last one but he was not at all understanding, but I know now I was dating a narcissist so no wonder!

Thanks again. I will try to stay in control next time and not let it cloud my judgement.
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