Help advice needed

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Help advice needed

Postby Hero2512 » Sat Jan 10, 2015 8:11 am

It's all a mess
Hi I have been with my girlfriend for 10 years we have a 13 year old step daughter and a 7 yo son.

Things started about 12 months ago when she said she didn't feel as happy any more, me being me started to get suspicious and became insecure as I couldn't see why.

Then two weeks before Christmas my partner told me she wanted me to go after Christmas.

I pleaded and begged her she was wrong and that we could save the relationship she told me she didn't know weather she loved me anymore

We continued as normal throughout Christmas still sleeping together her asking me to do silly things like tickle her feet after work everyday.

Then on Monday gone I done something that I massively regret I put a anti theft app on her phone

The next morning I was in work I had a look and the was messages from her to another woman asking to meet up about 10 and a reply asking if she had any stockings and heels to go with her underwear, she said lol maybe I'll show you one day

I called the number and a guy answeared

As you can iMagine I went straight home before 10 to confront her and all he'll broke lose she denied cheating saying it was just banter

She then said I was leaving you tomorrow anyway and that is the bigger problem she took the kids and went to stay in her sisters

She called me later that night and explained who and how and what went on and maintained it was just banter part of me wants to believe her all the time I'm am still saying we can save the relationship

The next day I asked her to come home and I would spend a couple of days at my mums as it would be easier for her to get the kids to school.

Whilst I was at my mums she shut me out completely and refuses to talk to me. She was demanding I find somewhere to live and was pretty adamant on this I gathered my thoughts and realised even if she hadn't cheated on me she had emotionally betrayed me

So I went home and told her I would not be moving out the house she is the one that's wants to go she is the one that wants to break the family up so if that's what she wants I'm not stopping her, she threatened with the police to evict me and everything telling me to man up and do the right thing and move out

She left again to go to her sisters with the kids

I feel bad for staying in the house, but I could not cope with the fact I lost my love of my life, my kids and my house all in one day

She is now making out I have made her homeless( despite me saying this is her house as much as it is mine and the kids)and is so bitter and angry towards me.

I still love her I don't know why but I do and I think she was just expecting me to roll over and jump whenever she called.

Have I done the right thing
Any advice would be very welcome
Hero2512
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Re: Help advice needed

Postby sjimoh » Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:11 pm

I don't know if I am the right person to advice you at this moment in time, as I am in a mess myself. May be it's just a way to make myself feel better.

It's my view that you're doing the right thing. She chose to be homeless and have the kids in this circumstances. You have to speak with your wife in a relaxing environment about why she felt that way and want to break up the family. Take her out somewhere fun to do this without the kids.

Try to understand the important stuffs she wanted all the while that you may have not done or things you're doing that is drawing you apart. Then over time judge whether you love your wife enough to fulfil all this needs if any for as long as it may take. But don't rush into decision.

I wish you the best
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Re: Help advice needed

Postby David020549 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 11:01 pm

Funny, a friend of mine is in exactly the same situation, wife had been niggling for a couple of years, then bang she flipped, no reason he is a nice guy. Of course women have all the advantages, they will almost always keep the house the kids everything and all you will get is a summons for maintenence. You might get access but she will put every obstacle in your way week by week, there is no answer she is in control and once she is established in her new life you will be history.
Personally I that situation I would go and live abroad which makes it a clean break and no maintenence for her, revenge ?, yes, hard on the kids but if you stay she will poison them week by week.
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Re: Help advice needed

Postby Minna » Wed Jan 21, 2015 6:36 pm

Hi Hero. I have just read the reply from David. I appreciate what he is saying, but he does sound bitter (not a criticism, just an observation). Should you find that, eventually, you and your girlfriend split up, please don't lose your children as well. It may well be that she will 'poison' your children so that they are against you. What I suggest is, if you love them, still try your very best not to lose touch with them. Send them birthday cards and birthday gifts (even small thoughtful ones). There is a chance that they will still receive them, despite your girlfriend.
Perhaps not when they are tiny - as your girlfriend may just get rid of the gifts etc before the children know they have got them - but as they grow they will hopefully realise that your girlfriend is sabotaging your contact with them. When they are older and adult and they hear that you have tried to keep in touch, you can honestly say to them that you did try desperately and, because of this, and hopefully, they will want to be part of your life in the future.
If you just move away and ignore them, then I'm afraid you will have lost them forever.
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