Dont' know how to answer him!

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Re: Dont' know how to answer him!

Postby Trevaskiss » Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:11 pm

He's more than aware that the majority of the problem is down to him. And he's admitted he's been a git for behaving the way he has about things.

Probably what I didn't say, and I'm not defending what he's done, is that he's had an extremely rough 12 months. He's normally the kind of guy that nothing bothers him, but this last 12 months has really affected him.

He's the one now who keeps apologising to me for the way he's treated me over everything, and he's fully aware that he has put most of the blame on me when he hasn't meant to.

I do believe the heart to heart we had on Wednesday night though was very long overdue and also very beneficial. No shouting, no swearing, just a real frank discussion about it.

Fingers crossed!
Trevaskiss
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 45
Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2015 3:15 pm

Re: Dont' know how to answer him!

Postby Tucco » Fri Jan 16, 2015 7:09 pm

Just to add my own little snippet,

How on earth can anyone get into a relationship with a 40ish year old and not expect any baggage or past partners ?

Good luck.
Tucco
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 61
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2011 3:39 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Dont' know how to answer him!

Postby David020549 » Sat Jan 17, 2015 9:56 pm

I did not realize that he was a newcomer to YOUR home I would have expected you to be more assertive from the start. It is good to hear that things are now better but if he reverts chuck him out straight away.
On a separate note there have been several posts where partners have snooped on each other, with bad results. Everybody has secrets and makes mistakes, either don't make them or set the password on your devices AND don't snoop on others.
David020549
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 345
Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:29 am
Gender: Male

Re: Dont' know how to answer him!

Postby Trevaskiss » Mon Mar 02, 2015 12:07 pm

Here we go again!

He's started again! I've done nothing at all to warrant him getting the way he has with me.

I realise that I've not exactly held a Mother Theresa life and my past has been somewhat shady, but as I try to point out to him, the past is the past, it should not interfere with our future.

However, this initial problem that I wrote about in the first place is still on top of the agenda - that and the fact that I've also in my past dated other females. He feels that he will have to look over his shoulder all the time, which I've promised him he wouldn't.

I wish he could see that he is the only one I want, and that I'm not going to leave him as soon as someone starts chatting me up. It's never going to happen!! Despite the way he treats and talks to me, I'm totally in love with him.

This morning, he was really horrible, calling me all the names under the sun because of my past and the mistake I made at the beginning. He said that by the time I got home from work, he would be gone and I'd never see him again.

Obviously, I did crumble again and tried to persuade him to stay and work this out - get help (which I know he won't as he's dead stubborn about that). And now I'm scared of going home and finding the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with gone.

Absolutely heartbroken.
Trevaskiss
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 45
Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2015 3:15 pm

Re: Dont' know how to answer him!

Postby snail » Mon Mar 02, 2015 4:42 pm

I'm so so sorry for both of you, but I really think you're going to have to let this one go. If he hasn't gone when you come back, I suggest you actually tell him to go. You can think of it as a break, for both of you to clear your heads.

I'm the same age as you, and I know, when you find someone as important to you as this man is, you think - it took me 20 years to find this man, I'll definitely never find one like him again, I'll never love as much again. But I think you can, I think if you were in the right place in your life for this relationship to happen, you'll be in the right place for another similar one to happen but without the problems. Find someone who thinks you're fantastic, not someone who is like this.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

Najwa Zebian
User avatar
snail
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4344
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:59 pm
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gender: Female

Re: Dont' know how to answer him!

Postby jen » Mon Mar 02, 2015 7:01 pm

I 100% agree with snail on this one. If he hasn't left then tell him to leave. If this is what he's like now then what on earth is he going to be like in 6 months or a year. I don't think he will have left though because he seems to thrive on trying to punish you when you've done absolutely nothing wrong. Whether you've been with one guy/girl or 100, it has nothing to do with him. You were under no obligation to tell him about your sexual past as it has absolutely no bearing on your relationship with him. Everyone has a past and he should love you for who you are not who you've been with. If he's not prepared to seek help and you don't stand up to him or kick him out he will just keep doing this to you. You've already apologised (although you really had nothing to apologise for) and reassured him to the best of your ability. This is his issue, not yours. I hope you make the right decision for you. You deserve so much better.
Formerly irnbrubar
User avatar
jen
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 314
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 4:01 pm
Location: Stirling
Gender: Female

Re: Dont' know how to answer him!

Postby Trevaskiss » Tue Mar 03, 2015 10:12 am

Thank you Snail and Jen.

No, he hadn't gone last night, infact, I found him parked outside work when I left!!! :o

We went back and had a chat and again he keeps on with this "If you loved me, you wouldn't have flirted about in the first place". I've held my hands up on more than one occasion about this, and said sorry more times than I've had hot dinners.

Eventually it got heated again, and led to him breaking down in tears and saying "Look what you and him have done to me, I hope he was worth it!"

He keeps on asking what was said that I had deleted, but it was so long ago and to be honest, not as bad as he seems to think. I honestly cannot remember what it was (this happened at the beginning of our relationship). Then he said I could pick up where I left off after he has left me.

I made it look last night like I didn't care, but it was tearing me apart inside. All day yesterday at work I was just crying, just couldn't stop.

This morning he said that i was as cold as ice, and that if I loved him, I'd have been more emotive than I am now. I just said that I'm sick of your games, and that I've got used to you leaving me and never actually doing it.

He's packed some stuff up this morning, but he's done that before. I guess I'll find out tonight what the score is. Although I did tell him that he had to leave today. Have some time out to think about how this is affecting me too.
Trevaskiss
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 45
Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2015 3:15 pm

Re: Dont' know how to answer him!

Postby snail » Tue Mar 03, 2015 12:13 pm

Trevaskiss wrote:
No, he hadn't gone last night, infact, I found him parked outside work when I left!!! :o

Well there's a surprise :roll:

I really think he needs to move out, so that you get a break. You can't go on like this. What happens after that, who knows, but being apart will probably clear up how both of you feel about going on with the relationship.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

Najwa Zebian
User avatar
snail
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4344
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:59 pm
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gender: Female

Re: Dont' know how to answer him!

Postby David020549 » Wed Mar 04, 2015 8:10 am

Sorry this has escalated further if he was waiting outside work for you he has a real problem and I doubt it will end easily. I hope it does not happen but he might start stalking you, so you are going to need to be really strong and there is no no way of predicting how far this sort of obsessive behavior will go
David020549
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 345
Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:29 am
Gender: Male

Previous

Return to Girlfriends & Boyfriends - Husbands & Wives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 2 guests

cron