He wants sex, I don't...

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He wants sex, I don't...

Postby Rockford » Sun Jan 18, 2015 12:47 pm

I just feel i dont really have anyone to talk to about this-
Moved in with my boyfriend in a new property (we lived together previouslly)
Just moved back to the area my family are from...
We have been together 3 years.... There is a bit of history with us, I had an eating disorder in my teens and have never fully recovered from the mentality of it- (although am now at a "healthy" if slightly over weight) i suffer with self esteem, self worth and mild depression... I have always enjoyed sex... And used to be quite adventurous- but gained 3 stone several yeara ago.... Lost majority of the weight but still not enough.... There have been cheating scandals with us (from
Him- kissing, not sex) which was tough but we have been working through this-

We do bicker like any couple, but the area that seems to be a constant issue is sex!
I am 29 he is 24, i never want to be touched- our night time routine usually consists of him always initiating sex, which of course i enjoy and we do have, but always feels on my part... Boring, monotomous , because i just want iT over... In the moment is great - but every once in a while like last night for example- we talked if sex theoughout the day and were flirting with each other, i made all my preperations, lotions and potions etc.... Then as the night grew closer i couldnt think of anything i would want less!! Got in to bed ans the usual started,,,, i suppose i should of just said i wasnt in the mood.... But he always manages to get me in the mood so i let it happen, after he had finished pleasuring me, i just suddenly felt guilty... Now i would have to have sex and i really didnt want to... He could tell something was wrong... I felt like crying as felt terrible... We got into a massive argument- why isnt he allowed to touch me, he tells me everyday i am beautiful, he finds me so attractive etc .... He always has to initiate it... He said "its like im trying to push him away" It ended with him telling me to "F myself and F this so called relationship" he left the room i cried feeling terrible jumped in my car and deove off for several hours- got back in later and just went straight to sleep....

I know sex is an important part in any relationship... But i dont feel remotley sexual!!! Dont feel attractive and dont want to be touched or thought of in that way.... I love him and find him attractive and i completly understand how this rejection (constant rejection) would make him feel... But at the same time i dont know what to do.... We have talked in the past about this, but never really seem to come to a genuine answer.... Then obviouslly i imagine him going off and finding someone who can give him these things that i wont - due to our past and infidelity issues- when we are happy we are good- but sex seems to be the elephant in the room... If i physically hate myself this much how the hell can i expect anyone to love and be attracted to me?! How does this work?!? How do i stop this self destruction?!?
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Re: He wants sex, I don't...

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Jan 21, 2015 4:06 pm

This could be a hormonal issue so first go to the doctors and tell them
If the tests all come back normal then i would go for some cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Your past troubles and current state of mind about yourself may have a lot to do with you not wanting it but actually enjoying it when you do.
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