My boyfriend has secretly been filming me

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My boyfriend has secretly been filming me

Postby MRT » Sun Jan 18, 2015 1:54 pm

Hello all, feel like I'm in turmoil. Been with a brilliant fella for a couple of years. We were very good friends before anything happened. He was in a failing relationship and I was single, seperate from my husband and eventually widowed. My bf, who was my friend at the time was the most supportive person ever. His relationship eventually ended and a year later we started to become more than friends. It seemed like there was a real connection there & we've had some brilliant times together & I trust him like no other.

A couple of weeks ago I was trying to get to sleep the night before the first day back at work after the Christmas holidays. I was resting on his chest whilst he was watching TV in bed and after all the late nights was struggling to nod off but I was determined not to sit there gawping at tv all night. The tv was on and even though my eyes were closed I thought i "saw" a flash. I assumed it was the tv. Then it happened again but this time I could hear him fiddle with his phone. I wondered if he had taken a pic and thought oh no I don't like my pic being taken at best of times but then just put it down to him wanting a cute pic. Eventually I went to sleep.

A couple of days ago his phone was bleeping with messages whilst he was upstairs. I then remembered about the pics he may have taken so looked through his pictures. Yes there was a pic of me looking not so cute on his chest but all rather innocent but was horrified to find that the same night when I'd gone to sleep he was filming me under the covers! I scrolled back through the pics/camera roll and found a couple of others too and pics of me in various state of semi undress whilst asleep. I deleted them immediately. Initially I was mad and shocked. I told him my suspicions and what I had found. I asked him why and he said "cos I wanted to", "I wanted to see you". He said he'd done it a few times but had never done anything with them. I was so shocked I asked him to leave. We don't live together, he has his own place. Later that night my anger and shock turned to upset. I felt heartbroken.

Now I must add that I have previously consented to a couple of cheeky pics and that's why I couldn't understand why he wants to film me semi naked when he has got the full glory there at his fingertips!
I feel like it's a total violation to film me with my consent or knowledge. It's one thing filming someone snoring and laughing with them the next day but to film under the covers to me says its for sexual gratification that I was not agreeable too. If I hadn't been aware of the possibility of the pic I would never know about this.

Am I wrong for feeling like this?

I can't see that there's a future left, I mean I would never rest at night - what am I supposed to do, sleep with one eye open & confiscate phones before bed ?
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Re: My boyfriend has secretly been filming me

Postby sjimoh » Tue Jan 20, 2015 10:22 pm

I don't thing there is anything wrong with how you feel. I suppose it is a normal reaction.

I am not defending his actions but perhaps, he may be filming you in other to satisfy his sexual fantasies or desire while he's not with you. It is not for me to comment or guess whether or not he plan to abuse it.

I would suggest you had a frank conversion over it.
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Re: My boyfriend has secretly been filming me

Postby snail » Wed Jan 21, 2015 11:02 am

sjimoh wrote: perhaps, he may be filming you in other to satisfy his sexual fantasies or desire while he's not with you.

But if that were the case, he would want pics/films of her awake (which she has given him). Who is sexually aroused by an unconscious woman??

I agree that this is a violation. It is probably about control in some way. I think you may be right that there is no longer a future here, but given the history you have with this man, I think it's worth having another discussion about this with him, and seeing what he says about his motives and how you feel about what he says.
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Re: My boyfriend has secretly been filming me

Postby Thedogsmother » Wed Jan 21, 2015 9:06 pm

I think it is a complete violation of your trust and privacy. I think your reaction is totally justified and I would have done the same. It is weird and unsettling behaviour and from what you say, I think you're well rid! Ok so he hasn't done anything with the images, but the point is he had them in his possession without your knowledge or consent and he could easily have used them on social media sites or something like that. You must have been shocked, but I hope you feel better and more settled soon. Whatever he says it is shady behaviour and don't let him tell you otherwise. All the very best to you.
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