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My issue

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 9:35 am
by Yorky111
Hey guys,

I just joined this forum mainly just to vent my situation, I have already had advice off family and friends and its not really advice I'm looking for, just a place to talk I suppose.

Anyway, I have been going out with my girlfriend for 4 months and the first few were really great, she was really into me and excited about me, always wanted to do things with me and we was really happy. We have met each others family and get along with them great, we are both the same age and both doing in life career wise what we want to be doing. It really is a great match, we always said from the start we would be honest with each other and that has always been the case.

Since Christmas I have noticed she has been a little off and feeling down about things, we had a few talks over the past few weeks and she is not sure how she feels about me any more and that she thinks she rushed into the relationship. The problem is that she was in a long term relationship that ended a couple of months before we got together. We talked about this at the very start and I have always understood her feelings in the matter. Last week a few days passed while she and I were working and we hadn't seen each other but stayed in touch, then 2 days ago we decided a break for a week would be the best course of action, which I will go into in a minute. I should also mention that I lost a close relative at Christmas and this has added a bit of pressure to the relationship as I was very upset at first. It has been a rough few weeks for me emotionally and she has been absolutely amazing in helping me get through it.

When we decided on the break she told me she feels awful about the situation because its not fair on me and it was clear she is feeling a little confused right now. She told me she is not sure if she has spent enough time on her own and that she needs to have a think. She hasn't missed me the past few times we weren't together and said that she wants to use this break to take her time and hopefully miss seeing me. I was upset when this happened but I agreed and said it was a good idea because I believe it is something she needs and with the pressure of the last few weeks I can totally understand why she wants this.

My real problem I suppose is just my situation in dealing with this, I keep feeling anxiety about what might happen and keep contemplating the "What if she breaks up with me scenario". We are meeting after a week to talk about things and it just seems a lifetime away. Like I said, its only been a couple of days and its been so difficult for me. I trust her and I know she would never hurt me during this time apart, my only concern is what if she isn't missing me. What if after this week she decides its over. I keep getting urges to text her or talk on Facebook when I see she is active but I am resisting this urge because I respect her decision. I almost sent flowers to her because we were going to go for a meal for our 4 month mini anniversary but I decided against it because I don't want her to feel like I'm bugging her or interfering with her time apart. I really miss talking to her but like I said, I will respect her decision and I want to use this time to gain perspective on the relationship and find a way to move forward when we meet back up.

We seem a really good match for each other and I do feel a lot for her after a short amount of time, I haven't been in a relationship for a few years because of my career and this is the first time in a while I have genuinely trusted and cared for a woman in a long time. I don't really know what I want from saying all this, I'm just finding the time apart really difficult, we used to text a lot and I think I probably was in contact a little too much and bugged her a little bit. She said that I haven't done anything wrong but I feel that I didn't help the situation either. I do plan on working on this and I think this break will help towards that and may even be healthy for the relationship. Its just all the "What if's" keep entering my head and taking my focus off everything.

Sorry for the massive essay folks

Re: My issue

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 1:25 pm
by Bel Bel
All i can say is it appears she is being honest with you and better this way than for her to have an affair
If she does get to the end of the break and decide it's not for her you will just have to accept and deal with that at that time
Worrying about it now will not change a thing but get anxious and pressuring will certainly bring about the end
I know it's hard but you have to be respectful of her wishes and just wait it out.

Re: My issue

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 2:16 pm
by Yorky111
Thank you for the reply. Indeed, I am not worried about her having an affair, I would be very surprised if that was the case. I trust her 100% and if that was the case I believe she would have ended it rather than have a break.

Yeah I agree that worrying about it won't change anything and I'm just torturing myself by putting myself in that situation, its just my mind always thinks back to this situation and fills me with dread. Waiting it out is the hardest part, couldnt sleep last night and haven't eaten for 2 days. I know staying healthy and keeping energy up is important but i just have zero appetite.

Re: My issue

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 4:15 pm
by Bel Bel
try to fill your time up with activities, especially ones that will wear you out so you might actually get some sleep

Re: My issue

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 5:58 pm
by Tucco
I would add that you both seem like mature sensible and respectful people, although it is hard you are doing the right thing in not making contact and respecting your GF wishes, this I believe will help you in the end as she will see you have stuck to the agreement.

I hope you get the result you want, let us know the outcome.

Good luck.

Re: My issue

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 12:47 am
by Yorky111
Yeah I will let you know what happens, I played football today after work which has worn me out so hopefully will get some sleep now.

This really is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, never been so excited about a girl and would hate to lose this. I just hope she clears her head and is willing to continue with the relationship. I have already thought we spent a little too much time together for this early in the relationship so going to suggest twice a week or something.

Just 4 more days to go.....

Re: My issue

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 8:58 am
by David020549
This is something guys have to get used to, seemingly getting along fine then click she goes off you, no reason, no logic even she does not know. One friend of mine had a boyfriend for 3 yrs then dumped him for no reason, met another guy, married in 6 months, had kids, still together.
A separation is a good idea maybe she will return, maybe not, hope it works out but if not there are plenty of fish out there.

Re: My issue

Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 11:10 am
by rufio89
David can you please stop posting things about how "this is what women are like" it's not helpful and frankly it's just not true. Men and women are capable of treating their partners badly, and men and women can both be treated badly.

Yorky -

as the other posters have said, you just need to give her a bit of time. It sounds like she's being fair, and I honestly do understand how hard it must be for you, but all you can do is wait it out. If you bug her during this time it's likely to just drive her away.

Just try to keep yourself busy, if you're struggling come on here and vent it out to us. I really hope this works out for you, good luck.

Re: My issue

Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 11:46 am
by Bel Bel
Also if she comes back then you need to ask her what changes she would like to see, don't just assume

I think David has had some bad experiences that have tainted his view of women a bit so he will be on the harsher end of giving advice

Of course it is entirely possible that this girl wants to let you down gently and she won't get back with you but either way you can't hurry the process

Sometimes people do seemingly change their minds about relationships and it can seem like a bolt out of the blue but this usually means there is a problem the person doesn't want to admit to

I hope it does work out for you