Did he get bored of me and dump me?

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Did he get bored of me and dump me?

Postby Marina5 » Sun Jan 25, 2015 6:44 am

1) We dated for 4 months, got to know each other over the course of a year
2) We're teens (under 18)
3) His reason for dumping me was that he just wasn't ready for a relationship, but he said that we could still be friends
4) He seemed VERY INTO ME until one week prior to the break up, when he was a little less physically affectionate and didn't see me quite as often (but that could be because of parental intervention--see 9).
5) Up until MINUTES before the break up he texted me ALL throughout the day (as he always did after we started dating) asking about my opinions, interests, what I was up to, giving me updates about his life, saying good night, etc.
6) I was recovering from surgery... so maybe he just texted all the time because he felt bad for me? We discussed many other things beyond how I was recovering though
7) He bought me flowers about a week before the break up due to my injury
8) He always kept up with doing me little favors/being a gentleman
9) One of his parents (who he is VERY close to/who he allows to control nearly his ENTIRE life) made it clear they did not like him dating. They wouldn't allow us to be completely alone together.
10) He is very passive (conflict avoider) and aims to please his parents first and foremost
11) I was his first gf. As far as I know he hasn't dated in the months since.
12) I said I couldn't be friends for a while because I didn't trust him. He sent the last text saying he was sorry, and neither one of us has initiated contact since.
13) After, he didn't help me with my injury, but acted like a polite stranger up until last month. Now, he acts like I don't exist.
14) I've actively avoided him, making sure he was uninvited from a gathering of mutual friends.
15) When people ask his best friend what happened, he says it just "kind of faded"/"ran its course"
16) Due to mutual religious beliefs, it was never sexual

What was the primary cause of this? Did he get bored of me? Was he truly not ready? Did his parents make him? Thanks!
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Re: Did he get bored of me and dump me?

Postby snail » Sun Jan 25, 2015 11:36 am

I'm afraid no one knows what he is really feeling except him, so no one can tell you. Number 13 suggests to me that he has genuinely lost interest in you, but there is no way to know for sure. People are complicated and it's hard to work out why they do the things they do. One of the difficult things about relationships is that they can end and you don't always get the chance to properly know why. The other person will give you some kind of reason, but there is no guarantee that they are telling you the truth. It can, and usually does, go round and round in your head while you try to puzzle out what happened, what you did wrong etc. But to be honest it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that they decided they didn't want to be with you. It had a chance and it didn't work out, so that means it wasn't right, for whatever reason. In your relationships in the future, try not to agonise too much over why some of them don't work out, because it's usually for the best, and you usually realise that later on. Hope you feel better about it soon.
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Re: Did he get bored of me and dump me?

Postby Tucco » Sun Jan 25, 2015 5:55 pm

Hi there,

due to numbers 9 & 13, could this possibly be a cultural thing where the parents are able to exert a certain amount of control over their children?
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If he still liked me, would he have tried harder?

Postby Marina5 » Wed Jan 28, 2015 2:41 am

My ex and I are almost 17. After four months, he dumped me because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship.

I was SO SHOCKED because his behavior hadn't changed at all until the week before, when he couldn't hang out QUITE as often (but still did a fair amount) and was slightly less physically affectionate. Even up until MINUTES before the breakup he was still always texting me with interest in my life, opinions, saying good night, etc, and treating me with great chivalry and attention. I was recovering from surgery at that time so that behavior could've been out of politeness, but he'd always been that way after we became romantically involved and seemed interested in MANY things beyond my recovery.

I'm just so confused because he really seemed to be into even up to the end... but after the breakup I told him I deeply cared and he didn't either reciprocate it or deny he did too, just kept saying he was sorry but he wasn't ready (keep in mind this conversation was all over text). Maybe he didn't want to commit because we'd be forced to separate after graduation?

So either he stopped liking me, wasn't ready, or his parents influenced/forced him to end it. He's VERY DEPENDENT on them, LOVING them and allowing them to control essentially his entire life (i.e. where he goes and who he's friends with). And they didn't want him dating.

Also wanted to add that due to mutual religious beliefs, sex was never involved (in fact, he was VERY shy/nervous about affection, especially PDA around his parents. It seemed I was more comfortable going further than he was).

But if he truly still liked me, would any of that had mattered? I told him I couldn't be friends, so we've avoided each other and he hasn't had a gf in the months since.

You can vote A (he still liked me but had to break up due to parent/commitment issues) or B (he stopped liking me) Please be honest. Thank you!
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Re: If he still liked me, would he have tried harder?

Postby dirty little secret » Wed Jan 28, 2015 3:14 am

You are both still very young and he knows it.

I can tell that he is a good boy and he just probably just want to concentrate on other things other than girls. He is obedient to his parents which can be a good sign or not.

You need to stop obsessing about how he feels about you because this can be quite unattractive and maybe you are pushing him because of this. You are also young, you will meet a lot of other boys. Try to concentrate or refocus your attention on something that is more important. Boys like girls who has got their own interest or other stuff.

I think you need to move on. He's clearly not ready and it doesn't matter whether its his own decision or influenced by his parents.

Concentrate on other important things, you are young, don't waste time on this or else you will make mistakes like most of us here.

Good luck and all the best.
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Re: If he still liked me, would he have tried harder?

Postby snail » Wed Jan 28, 2015 9:46 am

It's best to stick to one thread per problem, Marina, so that all your information and replies are in the same place and people can see what has already been said by others. If you feel the need to bump your thread the best way to do it to reply to some of the responses people have made. I'll merge this thread with your other one asking this question.
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Is he losing interest?

Postby GigiBlake » Mon Feb 16, 2015 9:33 pm

My bf and I are sixteen. I'm concerned that he's losing interest because I'm injured, and he used to visit me about 3 times a week, and this week he only has twice. I asked him to come over once and he said he was sick and was helping out his parents with heavy-duty housework (which I thought was sketchy, since I didn't think you could do that with a stomach ache? But his parents are like drill sergeants and he's SUPER SUPER SUPER loyal to them and always doing work for them. He's very passive and always gives into them without argument. They've always been his number one priority, and their demands always cut into our dating time). He also said he was looking forward to his pizza dinner... would you still have an appetite for pizza with a stomach ache?

The next time I asked him over he agreed to come pretty quickly but left after about an hour and half since his parents needed his help again.

He was also less physically affectionate with me but I thought that might've been because my parents were around a lot of the time and he doesn't like to PDA in front of them.

Also, he still texts me constantly; we have conversations all day about our interests and he's always asking me about my life and opinions. He asks how I am and texts good night. But maybe he just feels bad for me since I'm injured? But he's always texted me that much in the four months we've been romantically involved, and our conversations go way beyond my injury.

We're abstinent due to his family's strict religious beliefs.

Am I being too paranoid? I don't want to call him out on it because I don't want to seem clingy. Thanks!
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