Trust Issues

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Trust Issues

Postby CLARKEYH1 » Fri Feb 06, 2015 6:54 pm


I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend now since October 2014. When we first got together we spoke about his ex girlfriend quite a lot and what she put him through.. She cheated on him twice to what he knows of and now finds it hard to trust other women. I totally understand that it must be hard for him as I would feel the same if I had been through what he had. The problem being is I feel like I am constantly compared to his ex and what she did. He is always checking my phone, going through messages, emails, photos etc. When I am on my phone or Facebook he is always standing over me as if he needs to check who I am talking to. I have a few male friends.. who I have known for a very long time (6 years +) nothing has ever happened between us and it never will. However he constantly questions me about talking to my male friends. During summer 2013 I went on holiday with all of my friends, yes some of my friends were male and some female. During the holiday one of the guys and I had a couple of photos taken together, with our arms around each other but nothing ever happened. I don't see that particular friend any more for several reasons one of them being it made my new boyfriend feel "uncomfortable". My boyfriend asked me his name and started looking through his profile on Facebook, he obviously saw the photos of us together and started accusing me of all kinds of things.. having a relationship with him, lying to him etc. I explained that I didn't mention it because I didn't think there was any point. None of my family know about him or anything I just put it down to having a laugh on holiday with friends, as I say nothing ever happened between us.

Last night we had a major row and I told him that I couldn't be in a relationship with him any more. He promised me he would try and deal with his trust issues and try to move on. He has promised me this before and so far it hasn't happened. I am so confused, I love him a lot but I just cannot put up with his problems. I have tried to explain that you cannot have a relationship without trust. He also promised me that today he would invite his mum round to try and talk to her about it... none of his family know what his ex did to him they all just think that they "grew apart". I am seriously at my wits end and I don't know what to do.... can anyone offer any advice?

Thank you
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Re: Trust Issues

Postby snail » Sun Feb 08, 2015 8:50 pm

If he has promised to change but then doesn't, and bearing in mind you've only been together for 3 months, then I would be inclined to think you would be better off out of this relationship. The only possibility I can think of is that you ask him to arrange some therapy/counselling to try to get to the bottom of his insecurity, but make sure he does actually book and attend an appointment, and not just make more promises. Also remember that you only have his word that his ex cheated on him - given that no one else knows about it, consider if that may be something he has invented in order to justify his behaviour.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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