Stuck in a 'single' rut, need advice

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Stuck in a 'single' rut, need advice

Postby Lovelylady » Sun Feb 08, 2015 12:26 pm

Hi all, I'm new to this page but from reading some existing threads you all seem a good bunch, and can hopefully help me!

I'm 33, work in the military and it's been 9 years since my last serious relationship! I get a lot of interest from men on base, but it's never the type I want. I'm always very weary of this, and never rush anything when I meet anyone, but as soon as my back is turned the guy will have a new girlfriend! Why? I don't know if I'm doing anything wrong, and I don't know what I can do differently. Is there anyone else that's ever been in a similar situation, and managed to turn things around??

It's really getting me down, I want children when I'm about 40 and would even consider paying for IVF if I'm still on my own then, so I'm not trying to find someone just for the sake of my body-clock. I just don't know why I can't meet anyone that's generally interested in me!
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Re: Stuck in a 'single' rut, need advice

Postby David020549 » Tue Feb 10, 2015 8:12 am

Form a male point of view your last sentance says it all, and I see it all the time. Men around your age have established themselves in the bachelor lifestyle and in the military that is probably more pronounced the in civvy street, most enjoy female company but do not want to share their lifestyle with them. Men don't have body clocks in fact the opposite probably applies, so it is nothing to do with you, there are droves of women in their 20s and 30s with or without children, who cannot keep a relationship together because modern expectations are so different.

Do men need women?.

Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear.
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Re: Stuck in a 'single' rut, need advice

Postby David020549 » Tue Feb 10, 2015 11:37 am

Since my earlier post I have recalled an American couple we met on a cruise last year, Roy and Arleen , he was a retired Marine Corps bird Colonel mid 70s, she an attractive mid 50s adoring wife. During the over dinner chat, we learned amongst the trivial chat, they met in a bar and had been married 20 yrs or so and had a son at university, and lots of other trivia.
Now wind the clock back 25 yrs, she was still chasing her dream, he was 50 or so about to be retired from his life in the military and they both found common interest and lived very comfortably ever after.

I think you would be much more likely to find an older man to pair up with, especially in the military where the lifestyle changes when they retire from the service. Maybe men do have a body clock and it starts ticking much later and they start thinking about the future.

A word of warning about having kids when you have a career, whoever you work for, despite all the legislation that is supposed to protect women you are likely to be quickly out of a job. At the next round of defence cuts there will be a redundancy list and you will be on it, try finding a decent job at 40 with a young child. Think on that I know several women including my own daughter who have had exactly that happen.

Happy hunting.
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Re: Stuck in a 'single' rut, need advice

Postby Lovelylady » Thu Feb 12, 2015 9:00 pm

Hi, thanks for the reply.

You're right, it's probably not what I wanted to hear, but it is what I needed to hear!

I agree about times changing; even when I was about 18, men my age were more chivalrous than men my age now. I just didn't want to settle down at 18! It really is a shame about today's lifestyles, and unfortunately it's not just men that behave that way, there are many women letting the side down too, and many give the 'impression' that women in the service are easy!!

I'm not too concerned about mixing children with my service career. My current contract will take me to 40ish, and that's when I plan to have children. I don't think I could handle going away for 6 months at a time, when I have a young child to leave behind. As much as I admire all the people that do. I'll have a house of my own, I'll have had my career, done all the travelling I want, and I'll be able to dedicate my time to having a family.

I have plenty of time ahead of me, so I really will take the time to meet someone worthwhile, and get to know them properly. I'll just take a step back from the 'beer calls' and find a few new hobbies and sports to enjoy for the last few years of my career,. Who knows, I may even find someone that shares the same interests that way!

Thanks again for the advice.
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