What to do

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What to do

Postby Sam74 » Wed Feb 25, 2015 9:12 pm

I'm not usually one for chat rooms but I think I need some advice on something .
Bit of background, I live with my wife of 20 years and our 3 boys, 5,8, and 12, although we live together we are basically just together for the financial support, and for the boys. Some might say that's unhealthy but we don't argue and things are very amicable. So to my dilemma, Im a builder and have been working on an old house for a few months now, there is a neighbour who I've seen whilst there, and she is very attractive, I know she has a partner as she has said in a few occasions how in helpful he is with her children, ( they aren't his). So after a while I got talking to her more through the days some days she would just say hi others maybe just wave. So I'm chatting to her and she was saying things were tough as she is self employed too and only just gets by, then she said something I thought unusual, she said if things don't improve she might have to sell her body? Now I'm sure she didn't mean it, but did she say it to get a reaction from me! I never said anything and she said wouldn't get much anyway. Now I'm by no means a good looking guy in my opinion, and this woman is very sexy like a woman that I think wouldn't look twice at me. But she's been friendly and smiles every time she sees me. I guess I'm wondering if there could be anything in it? Now even though I'm still technically married we both no it's only a matter of time before one of us meets someone, for all I know she already has. So am I reading to much into it, or could there be more ?
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Re: What to do

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Feb 26, 2015 12:34 pm

You say it's amicable but your kids aren't seeing a normal loving relationship. This will not help with their emotional development.

I certainly would not complicate things but having an affair.

You need to find a way to split up so you can both find someone you want to be with.

It will be just as devastating for your kids if you split when they are older, in fact often it can be worse. They will be very sad to discover there whole life has been a lie.
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Re: What to do

Postby Sam74 » Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:30 pm

Thanks for the reply, and I understand what your saying. But other than the fact we don't have Sex anymore our relationship is just like a lot of others. We still hug, and have family holidays and do everything we can with them. But like I said maybe we are just waiting for something to make that break. And maybe this is it, my wife had said in the past that if I had an affair aslong as she didn't know she wouldn't care, she went off sex about 4 years ago, and since we have slept together maybe 6 times. And if all this woman wanted was a sexual thing then would it be so bad? On the other hand I could just be thinking with my penis and she's just being friendly lol.
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Re: What to do

Postby snail » Thu Feb 26, 2015 7:38 pm

I agree with Bel Bel about the marriage. But with regards to whether this lady is interested, if that was all she said then I really don't think you can read anything into it - people often make jokey remarks like that.
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Re: What to do

Postby David020549 » Thu Feb 26, 2015 7:46 pm

As she has a partner don't do anything, she is probably joking with you. However you would be surprised how many single women are seriously looking fo a Sugar Daddy to help pay the bills, not quite selling their body but close. This is definitely not the sort of relationship you want to get involved with close to home however attractive she is.
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Re: What to do

Postby Mrdad » Thu Feb 26, 2015 9:54 pm

I'd agree, it's very difficult to know what a woman is thinking, she might just be friendly, and maybe a bit lonely during the day, and if things are going bad then she may just be pleased of the attention. We all have fantasies or mis read people in all sorts of ways, but unless she just tells you how she feels, then I would just continue being friendly, and enjoy the chats, it's often we find talking to strangers help out in our own lives, no judgement by them, just dealing with the facts. Enjoy it, see how things progress.
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Re: What to do

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Feb 27, 2015 4:14 pm

So let's pretend she likes you and you start a sexual thing.
What happens if she gets attached, falls in love, and tells your Wife (who doesn't want to know about an affair)?
You ever seen Basic Instinct. I hope your kids don't have rabbits.
Men can often detach emotion from sex but woman generally can't.

There is a reason your wife no longer has a sex drive and this is really what needs to be addressed if the rest of your relationship is as good as you say in all other areas
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Re: What to do

Postby Sam74 » Fri Feb 27, 2015 5:34 pm

Bel Bel, I get what your saying and thanks for being so blunt, my wife and I have been to a therapist, separately and together and it just seems as if she no longer has an interest in sex. It's not uncommon we was told that sometimes women feel that the need for sex is no longer there when they have become a mother, so I guess that is where she is at. I haven't pressured her, and she knows I miss it, but we still love each other. So I won't rush into anything, even more so as yes we have 4 rabbits lol! I've thought long about posting this on here, I thought people might be able to give a lot of advice either way. But thanks
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Re: What to do

Postby David020549 » Sun Mar 01, 2015 8:13 am

Sam, your wife is making you very vulnerable to the attentions of another woman, without a normal marital relationship most men eventually will have an affair. You and your wife have had counseling to no avail, at this point most wives would realize the problem and however unenthusiastic they were at least allow some intimacy. Research has shown that on average couples living together have sex about once a week, this of course hides a great variation but less than once a month was lower than one percent.
You are not even looking for another woman, just this one chance encounter that has got your attention, you may not regard yourself as appealing to women but there is no shortage of lonely females looking for a man, any man!.
As you say you are a builder I assume there is a modest income that pays the bills so if you get caught with another woman getting kicked out is going to have serious consequences. So unless you are making enough to pay for two households be very careful, a new relationship may well work out and make a new man of you.
So no real advice except the stakes are high so know where you are going, don't let things drift make positive decisions
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