Is this worth pursuing?

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Is this worth pursuing?

Postby dawolf » Thu Mar 12, 2015 11:26 pm

There's a really nice lady who has been working as a trainee at my workplace. We're a similar age and we've always got on pretty well but it seemed to grow more during the last month as we became more comfortable and were laughing/bantering more often with each other. We seemed to have a certain connection. I would joke saying that she was working me hard by making me do things and she was suggesting that secretly I liked that. She seemed to e-mail me a bit more often than my colleagues too.
I was close to asking her out but then I found out that she's in a long-term relationship with a guy and has been with him for about 5 years. I only found out from checking casually if she was with anyone. She never spoke to me about what their relationship was like, apart from saying that she doesn't spend that much time with him at present as she's working so much.
She's just finished at our place and is moving on but she will still be around the area for another few months. I suggested we swap phone numbers and she gave me hers so I guess that's a fairly good sign. She appreciated a leaving card I bought for her and hugged me.

What are other's thoughts? Would you think it's worth me pursuing things more with her or just remain friends? I'm a little hesitant as firstly she's in an established relationship and secondly I'm not even sure if she likes me as anything more than a colleague/friend. Previously I've not been that great at spotting if a lady likes me in a romantic sense.

Thanks.
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Re: Is this worth pursuing?

Postby Mrdad » Mon Mar 16, 2015 11:17 am

As you say it is very difficult to tell if a woman is flirting or just being friendly, as I'm in a similar position although in with someone she is friendly chatty, and asked why I haven't popped in for a coffee, I guess im being stopped by what might happen. In your case regardless of if she is flirting or not she is in a relationship. I think if she had mentioned being unhappy in it she may have been looking for a way out, alternatively she may have been flattered by the interest, and as a result may be a bit more open than normal. She may just be a naturally friendly flirty type. My only advice would be to keep it as friends and see how things go, there isn't more you can do. If you make a move you run the risk of losing her friendship. And see how things go!
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Re: Is this worth pursuing?

Postby rufio89 » Mon Mar 16, 2015 5:07 pm

In short, no, it's not worth pursuing.

We have no way of knowing without talking to this woman whether she's interested in you romantically or not, but at the end of the day, that's not the point.

She's in a long term relationship that she hasn't mentioned to you which could be for any number of reasons. To me the most likely of these are:
a) She does have feelings for you and doesn't want you to know she has a boyfriend
b) She doesn't see you in a remotely romantic light, didnt realise you had feeling for you and didnt consider it worth mentioning.

Either way, there's no benefit to you asking her out. If she's in a happy relationship then - sorry - you're out of luck. If she's in an unhappy relationship then you need to give her time to end it by herself. You dont want to be the "other man" while she cheats on her boyfriend (I hope!) because that sucks for all 3 parties involved, and you dont want to be the cause of them splitting up because it's going to cause loads of drama.

Stay friendly with her, chat on Facebook or whatever, give her the occasional text to see how she's doing and maybe sometimes meet for coffee but don't think of it as laying the groundwork for somehting more. She might be happy with her boyfriend and never leave him. She might leave him and still not be interested in you, we dont know.

If you want to be her friend, carry on - you never know, she might feel the same, break up with her boyfriend and there's your shot. However if you're not genuinely interested in pursuing a completely platonic friendship, I'd suggest just wishing her farewell and moving on.
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Re: Is this worth pursuing?

Postby Tarantula » Tue Mar 17, 2015 12:49 am

Agree 110% with Rufio.

Basically, she's got a boyfriend. End of story.
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Re: Is this worth pursuing?

Postby David020549 » Tue Mar 17, 2015 4:17 pm

No, just being friendly, enjoying a bit of attention, her boyfriend is the one at present. Move on.
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