What are the signs?

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What are the signs?

Postby SamMos76 » Mon Mar 30, 2015 2:49 pm

Hi, I'm kind of unsure if this is the right place for stuff like this but hear goes,
In my village I bump into a lady every so often, and we sometimes stop and chat, nothing unusual just general stuff.
Anyway I was walking my dog the other day and she calls to me from her garden to say hi, we talk as usual then offers me a coffee. I go in and we chat in the kitchen then invites me to the lounge. She sits on a sofa and the only other place to sit is next to her, so I do. To cut the story short it wasn't till I left I realised that as we chatted she started to twirl her hair in her fingers, not just once a few times, and also when she say she sat with her legs crossed one leg outstretched. I have seen that these might be signs a woman is flirting. But I didn't think much of it as she has a bf, although they don't live together, she was previously married too, she is 45 I'm 39 by the way. She has given the impression she's not always happy, and also has never done the hair thing before. I was just after some advice before our next meeting. Thanks
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Re: What are the signs?

Postby snail » Mon Mar 30, 2015 9:23 pm

Well to be honest it's hard to say. I don't think general gestures - fiddling with hair, the way you sit etc - mean anything significant. She might have sat that way because she felt like it, and she might have twirled her hair because she was feeling tense about something that day. I think asking you in to her home for coffee is actually a much more significant act - it shows she wants to go from being a casual acquaintance to something more. But given that she has a boyfriend and she knows you know that, it is reasonable to assume she only wants friendship, and you should act on that basis. I think it's for her to let you know clearly if she wants romantic or sexual contact. The first definite move really has to come from her, and she will know that.
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Re: What are the signs?

Postby SamMos76 » Tue Mar 31, 2015 10:47 am

Thanks snail, it didn't even crossed my mind that her inviting me in was the biggest sign, having not dated or interacted with women like this for a long time, so I was more focused on those things people associate with flirting, perhaps I noticed as she'd never done that before. I fully accept that she is in a relationship, and wouldn't do anything to spilt them up. So yes friendship is as far as it goes, on my part anyway, I was just trying to get a woman's point of view on her actions. I will continue to see talk to her, and if invited in I will as I enjoy her company and she enjoys mine. I'm too old to be interested in a fling so if something happened I'd like it to be in the right way, not just casual. And thanks for the input.
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Re: What are the signs?

Postby David020549 » Sat Apr 04, 2015 8:42 pm

Sam
It is pretty clear this lady has her sights set on you, wether she has a boyfriend or not you are the target. It is your decision but if you want to resist her advances do not go inside the house again because one of two things will happen. Either she will seduce you, or will get really upset and may shout rape when you reject her.
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Re: What are the signs?

Postby SamMos76 » Sun Apr 05, 2015 3:27 pm

Seems a bit extreme David, I mean rape? Really? She really doesn't seem the type, and like I said I enjoy her company and friends is how it will remain but in the future who know. And as snail said it's difficult to say if she's flirting, you seem to think she definitely wants me! How can you tell?
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Re: What are the signs?

Postby David020549 » Sun Apr 05, 2015 5:32 pm

Sam
Offering a cup of coffee in the kitchen is one thing that is friendly, in the lounge, all legs and hair twirling that is flirting, the next time it could be a leaky tap upstairs in the bathroom needs fixing. Now if you really don't want to get involved then keep clear, dont think you are too old to be interested if she makes a move you will be!!.
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Re: What are the signs?

Postby SamMos76 » Sun Apr 05, 2015 6:45 pm

See I thought the same, about the legs and hair, then when Snail said she may just sit like that, and be tense about something so twirled her hair, that also made sense, which is one reason I posted, as I'd always associated them with flirting. ( yes Google is a wonderful tool) , but I don't understand why it can't be possible that even if she's flirting it's harmless, and should I risk losing a friend, over something that might be harmless.
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Re: What are the signs?

Postby snail » Mon Apr 06, 2015 9:02 am

Some men see women (and doubtless it works the other way round as well) as sexual objects more than they see them as people. Thus everything the woman does is seen as something to do with sex or sexual behaviour in some way. And her actions are seen in a very simple and mechanistic way (e.g. "she's twirling her hair so she must be flirting with me" - as though she was a car and it was in the manual). As a woman, I have grown to wearily accept that some men are like this and will never see me as a person, but I wouldn't listen to their advice, or you will fall into those traps yourself, and it doesn't make for happiness. Have you wanted to have sex with every person you had coffee with? Do you want sex every time you touch your hair or uncross your legs? If someone turns you down sexually, do you accuse him or her of a serious crime in order to get even with them? Of course not, and neither would most people.

This woman is an individual - we don't know what she's thinking. Inviting you in for coffee shows she wants to be more than casual waving acquaintances, but we don't know any more than that. I think there's a good chance she does see you as a possible sexual partner, but we just don't know. Given that she has a boyfriend, it may never have even crossed her mind that you might have thought she was flirting by inviting you in. Many people barely think about sex from one year's end to another - we're all different.
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Re: What are the signs?

Postby SamMos76 » Tue Apr 07, 2015 10:12 am

I accept all that. She may just want to be friends, and I'm happy with that, im not going to risk losing a potential friend, on the outside chance she might want more. there must be lots of people that have fallen for a friend in some way, and have done nothing about it, for fear of losing that friendship. When I first started talking to her, yes I was attracted to her, she is beautiful after all, but I also got to know her as a person, so it's not just a physical attraction.
But on the flip side, some guys, especially ones like me, look for certain things, that a woman might do, as a sign like the hair, or legs crossing, because we want to feel attractive to other woman, not like we will be alone for ever. And regardless of whether anything it will come of it, it does make me feel good to know a woman does find me attractive. Who knows what may happen in the future, maybe nothing, maybe I'll have made a good friend, that can give me female advice in the future, all I know is that at the moment I'm happy.
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Re: What are the signs?

Postby SamMos76 » Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:38 pm

Hi, been a while since I've been on and thought I'd update things. Well I've been chatting to this woman more and also been in for coffee more times, once when her eldest was there so it doesn't seem as if she is trying to hide me from anyone. We have opened up a lot more about personal stuff, and whilst she talks about her bf it isn't in a very positive way like they went somewhere nice or he got her something. In fact one day I said she seemed a bit 'grumpy' and she said no that's when he gets home. Anyway she asked if I wanted to go to an antiques fair one time and I said sounds interesting, she does this for work by the way, but it wasn't open that day, anyway the weather was better recently and I said if she ever wanted to go if be happy to, and we planned to go the next day. Had a good day lots of chatting some accidental bumping nothing out the ordinary, then when walking slightly behind me she grabbed my arm, like she stumbled, could've been genuine or not! Yes I'm still looking for signs. Anyway the chat whilst not getting flirty we have gotten to know each other better and laugh quite a bit. So she tells me she told her bf we were going out, and spoke to him after she said he'd asked how it was and maybe he should take a day off to go with her one time? Could that be jealousy! She has said he has his own place and that, and also when she said work was slow he might have to keep her, he didn't say much, she also says he doesn't really get on with her kids. Sorry to go on but I guess I'm just clutching at straws, whilst I enjoy her company now and again I think maybe there is more to it! Others I think no just friends.
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