Boyfriend watching sex scenes/nudity in films?

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Boyfriend watching sex scenes/nudity in films?

Postby Squishyxo » Fri Apr 10, 2015 12:42 am

Hey, not quite sure where to start with this as I feel it is quite complicated, but I appreciate whoever takes the time to read this and gives advice.

I am 22 years old, my boyfriend is 30. We have been together for nearly 7 months now. We have an amazing connection, He makes me really happy and we really enjoy the time we spend together. We plan to have a future together and really can't wait.

However I have some issues that I really can't help. I feel they are really getting in the way of our relationship, and I don't want them too. I suffer with depression, and has got really bad over the past few months or so. I am taking medication for it, but I feel it is not enough. I have very low moods everyday and low self esteem. It is really taking over my life and ruining it. I really need to find a way to cope with these issues but I don't know how.

It may seem silly, but one of my main issues is my boyfriend watching films/tv shows with sex scenes or nudity in. I have this automatic reaction of embarrassment, upset and distraught. I know it is in nearly everything these days, but I jjust can't feel comfortable with it. What makes it more difficult is that my boyfriend is a film critic, so he is bound to come across films with that kind of stuff in. I get upset at the thought of him looking at another naked woman while in a intimate moment. I get scared that he might be liking what he sees and is enjoying it. It makes me feel so low of myself. I'm not embarrassed by sex, I am quite sexually confident with him in the bedroom; But I just can't take him watching someone else.

I have been through some traumatic and horrible relationships in the past, and have really scarred me. I have been betrayed, lied to, cheated on and mentaly abused. 1 Ex in question, had an addiction to watching porn and films with sex/nudity in. I found out when I was on his pc one day and confronted him about it. I explained how it upset me and how it made me feel, and he reassured me that it wouldn't happen again. I believed him cos I loved him. I caught him watching porn again 3 times after that, in which he lied to me about it everytime. I found out that he would go and watch porn after I had left his, even after when we had sex! I just couldn't understand it. it made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him. What made it worse is that he lied to me about it, so it made me lose all trust. There would also be times that if we were watching a film and a sex scene popped up, he would get aroused and try it on with me.

I now cannot watch anything with that kind of content in. I explained everything to my boyfriend about it and what my ex did, which he was very understanding. Although when I asked him to not watch that kind of stuff he refused, and said that i can't tell him what he can and can't watch. He said if he agreed with me, then it is letting the depression win. Whenever I know hes watching something with that in, I get angry and it pushes me away from him. This upsets him because he doesn't understand what hes done wrong.

I know hes right that i can't tell him not to watch something even if it upset me, but its hard to not get the impression he doesnt care about my feelings. He says he does and doesn't take any notice if a sex scene comes on, he loves me, he only finds me attractive etc. I want to believe him, but because my ex said similar things, theres always that voice in my head that says "yeah but you have heard that before". I feel we can't come to an agreement because I can't believe what he's saying and he refusing to do what I asked him.

I really don't know how to sort this, but I really need to because it is effecting our relationship. Deep down I know I'm probably being silly but the feelings and emotions are so strong, it just takes over. I just want those feelings of hurt, disgust, embarrassment to go away and be able to watch anything with my boyfriend and not have a care in the world. Not one thought of "I'm hoping hes not enjoying this" or "I hope he doesn't find her atttractive".

If anyone has any adice on how to cope with this, or how to get over this it would be really helpful.
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Re: Boyfriend watching sex scenes/nudity in films?

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Apr 10, 2015 2:07 pm

i think as you have deep rooted issues you would benefit from cognitive Therapy
I believe you b/f lied to protect you regarding the porn although that doesn't excuse him lying because as you say then it adds mistrust to your problems
As for people in films, as he is involved in the film industry, he will know those images are airbrushed, have make up, lighting effects etc and in reality these scenes are not a thing like they get edited.
It is normal for guys to be more visual so him getting turned on by a sexual image is quite normal.
Reading "men are from mars and woman from venus" may help you with this aspect. He could read it too.
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Re: Boyfriend watching sex scenes/nudity in films?

Postby David020549 » Sun Apr 12, 2015 7:49 am

Most men view porn and we almost all admire pretty girls, and most women hate that, they want to be the whole centre of attention. I can understand that it is an irritation, look at it this way, those girls on film are not real they are images, they are all paid for the "performance", they do that to pay the rent, they would not look twice at your man in real life. If you make an issue out of it it will spoil the relationship for certain making you less attractive to him.

You have him here and now and he does want you, you may think that he is thinking of other women when you are making love, he is not, you are real and he is concentrating on you. Please accept that as long as he treats you well that he is not perfect, next time there is a sexy scene cuddle up to him and close your eyes.
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