What next?

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What next?

Postby pixieconfused » Sat Apr 18, 2015 7:57 am

Hi Folks, new here. I split from husband 11 months ago, lot of issues and i was trying to sort head round them, till Christmas lots of contact, I asked for space and no contact to decide what i wanted, this was fine, but he kept sending letters, calling house, waiting by car, coming to house, was stopping me going forward as to me I felt no respect in what I asked off him, anyhow up till Thursday all was limping along lol, but I was thinking he genuine in his desire and proof he was changing past behaviours , he approached me in local store and words were exchanged, he wrote to say sorry , tried calling, but i was honestly sulking, anyhow he called me and to me, pushed issue either we go forward or divorce, I was feeling particularly rotten health wise that day and really hate being cornered and so stupidly said divorce, slept bad, felt worse during day so later called him , very frosty reception and asked are you alone? he replied no, is it female company?, yes, so I hung up, he called me back and then actually passed phone to this woman, I went into panic attack, luckily friend was calling on house phone at time and she got me medical help, refused point blank to go to hospital. Any how I am trying to understand how the heck he went from me being his true love/soulmate/best friend/true love to me my friends etc to in space of a day having female speaking my name (he saw her briefly shortly after our split, he told her he wanted me, then we fell out he picked her back up then dumped again as we were still sorting things out) to her being in his company again, has she any self respect? let alone what the devil between him and I? So confused and no idea what to do next, sorry not giving full details at this point.
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Re: What next?

Postby Tarantula » Sat Apr 18, 2015 9:34 pm

Guuuuuuuurl let me tell you what you already know.

The only reason he messin' with this other girl is 'cos he can't have YOU. She's no one, she's a rebound.

It's fascinating how quickly our approach can change when our RESOURCES change. When she's literally in the room with him, all of a sudden he can AFFORD to be frosty with you. You rejected him, you opted for divorce. He's taking the short-term way out of his pain at being shot down.

The moment things go tits up with her (and they will), guess what? He gon' be back to kissing YOUR backside because really it's YOU he wants, not her. Don't worry. His 'feelings' for this other girl are very superficial. He's using her to inflate his damaged ego and to try to 'get one up' on you.

But what's really bad of him is, he's deliberately using her to twist the knife in you. Getting her to speak to you - what's the point? It's so FORCED, he's so DESPERATE for you to want him so that he can regain his sense of power and esteem.

Here's what you do.

Go NC. Go on, cut him off. Don't send him no more messages or phone calls, and see how quickly he shrivels and tries to come back once he realises that you're not interested in his antics.

This is so playground, and so obvious. Best thing you can do is simply nothing. I know it's hard, but doing nothing says 'I'm not trying to get you back.' Doing nothing says 'I'm not interested in your status with other girls.' Doing nothing says 'I've got better things to do with my life than play your stupid games.'

You want your life to look more dignified than his behaviour. When he gets a whiff of that, trust me, he will be back. Only thing is, you might not want him by then.
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