partner and child issues

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partner and child issues

Postby ms2108 » Wed Apr 22, 2015 9:21 pm

Me and my partner both have children from a previous relationship however my daughter lives 300 miles away and so I only get to see her on certain occasions such as holidays and Christmas, my partner does not like my daughter yes she can be naughty at times but at the end of the day she is only a 5yr old child and my partners 5yr old son is also naughty at times and I accept that he is just a chikd,we have recently had twins and are expecting another set in September,my next time to see my daughter will be the summer holidays,I miss my daughter dearly and haven't seen her since febuary, my partner says I'm not allowed my daughter to come up as it will put too much pressure on her and if my daughter I must go to my parents house to stay with her and also we will be over, I understand that we have young kids and my daughter has always been used to having me alone but now with having new brothers she is finding it difficult but she is basically a good kid,my partner is saying that I have a responsibility to our kids and the kids on the way but I believe I have a responsibility to my daughter also,her mother and her friends are all making me feel like I am in the wrong but is it really so wrong to just want to see me child
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Re: partner and child issues

Postby ms2108 » Thu Apr 23, 2015 9:36 am

When I say she's naughty it's only little things,my partner does not like my daughter sitting next to me or walking with me,I only get certain times off from work also which means I get given my holidays and try to see my daughter then,the time I will have my daughter is over a month before the twins are due,I am also not allowed alone time with my daughter when I have her because my partner says I have other kids who are babies and can't exactly come to do these same activities with me
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Re: partner and child issues

Postby snail » Thu Apr 23, 2015 1:23 pm

Your partner isn't being either supportive or reasonable. Unfortunately this situation seems to be reasonably common (as I'm sure you know). Your obligation to your first child is as strong as your obligation to any of this woman's children and while I can understand her desire to keep you all to herself and them, and possibly to even sever the connection between you and your daughter, it isn't right and you mustn't let it happen. I also agree with you that alone time with your daughter is important. Given that you live with your other children full time and you only see your daughter so very occasionally, I think your partner should accomodate whatever you want that is practical. If she isn't willing to do this then I can't see how you can be in a relationship with her.
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Re: partner and child issues

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Apr 24, 2015 12:22 pm

ask her how she would feel if you split up and never saw the kids you have had with her?
I agree with Snail
Your poor daughter probably already feels second best to your other kids that get to be with you all the time
What pressure will there be if you are looking after tour daughter, i assume you aren't expecting your wife to.
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Re: partner and child issues

Postby David020549 » Sun Apr 26, 2015 6:48 am

When couples split up there are always losers and so often it is the children, your new partner is reacting predictably to your previous relationship. She wants you to herself and no divided loyalties, and from her point of view another woman's naughty child is intolerable and is not going to be accepted in "her" house.
As she has had twins with you and expecting another set, making an issue out of daughter visits is extra pressure she does not need, even if she does give in she will hold it against you in the future. You are about to be the father of 4 with her it is probably best to commit to that and restrict contact to your other daughter to a few meetings elsewhere, otherwise you may end up as an estranged father of 5 kids with all the other issues that go with another separation
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Re: partner and child issues

Postby flashcampbell » Wed Apr 29, 2015 4:28 pm

I can't believe you're even listening to her. Of course you can go and see your child and have her in your house. I wouldn't ask: I would just do it and she just has to accept it.

Her behaviour doesn't even sound naughty - just wanting to spend time with her daddy.

She can't expect her to be perfect anyway . I'm sure her son isn't and she's only five!

I think she's just jealous tbh
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