Friend Zone!

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Friend Zone!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Thu Apr 30, 2015 7:56 pm

Ok I wrote a post here the other day about a woman I've got feelings for, but she is in a relationship.
Having been cheated on in the past I know what it's like, so won't do anything unless she becomes single, it got me thinking! Whilst you can't always help who you fall for, or when that may happen. Is it better to have a friend that you have feelings for, in the hope they might reciprocate, or just walk away, and lose them altogether.
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Re: Friend Zone!

Postby Bel Bel » Wed May 06, 2015 11:24 am

Only you can decide if it's worth the pain of seeing someone you can't have
Of course if this person does really like you but has a troubled relationship then maybe if you went out of their life for a bit they might get the inclination to sort their life out
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: Friend Zone!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Thu May 07, 2015 8:05 pm

I can handle the pain now, but for how long, I don't know. Over the past few days things changed slightly, she is going through a tough time with her family, and has told me, and the other day when I popped round we talked for quite a while, and unusually asked if I'd like a second drink. I'm usually the one that says I have to go, but she obviously was ok with me staying, and this being in the state I am makes me think even more. I have never nor intend to make a move, I can't say that if she did I wouldn't respond, but it's her choice. Maybe she is happy in her relationship, no it's just other things she has issue with, and perhaps can't talk to him about it. So I'm her shoulder so to speak. So today I took the decision to not acknowledge her.i often approach her to to chat, and she will approach me less often, and today she didn't take the initiative to chat. So I think perhaps it is just friends, or as has been the case she just wasn't up to talking. I'm going to do this for a while and see what happens, maybe she will come over, maybe she won't. But like you said she made need time and space to figure out what it is she wants.
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Re: Friend Zone!

Postby NMe1992 » Sun May 24, 2015 12:55 am

I fell for a girl once, I was in a bad position because we'd met on a night out and had a one night stand, we had a couple of dates after but she wanted just friendship, I wanted more, she was my first too so my emotional attachment was high, we became very good friends and were always in contact and meeting up.

Believe me when I say the 13 months I chased her were the worst, I tortured myself, I was miserable, I got paranoid, it's not worth it mate, I missed out on opportunities to be happy with other people, there were times when I'd go "Yeah but she did this" or "but set did that" her flatmate went on holiday and she invited me over for dinner and drinks and a film, I was there till midnight on the sofa with her and when the film finished she kicked me out!! It leaves you confused! Women know how to play the male friends feelings, they're not silly,

I made the difficult decision to discipline myself to break away, it was very very hard, and I nearly failed, luckily I met my ex who made it far easier. But in my honest opinion mate, you need to let go, no one says it's easy, but it'll benefit you and her! The girl i fell for, we never fell out when I broke away, I can honestly say when I see her now I can be fine with her and not be upset I missed out, and if you try buddy, you'll be the same
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Re: Friend Zone!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Mon May 25, 2015 10:45 am

It's good to hear it from someone who's had a similar experience, I guess the main differences are she wasn't with someone else, and we haven't been physical in Anyway. But it is hard to let go. I'd not spoken to her for a week she's waved or said hello but nothing more, and I was starting to think it was in my head, as surely if she liked me she would make more of an effort. But then the other day I spoke to her, I knew her dad was ill and asked how he was, and stuff, and she was very open about what was wrong, as she had always been. Then she said she was hot and took off her jumper! I guess we all get hot, but it got me thinking again why wait till I was there to do it? So I was back to square one. Maybe I was an idiot to speak to her, but you can't just switch off from someone, whether they are a friend or you have feelings for them. After all if I didn't fancy her, would there be a problem with me talking to her? And I know woman are good at playing guys, I've seen it often enough, but why would she do it? She doesn't need to to keep my attention I'm happy enough talking and being there for her, which is why I think there might be more! Anyway I won't see her for over a week now because of work so maybe that'll help.
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Re: Friend Zone!

Postby NMe1992 » Mon May 25, 2015 10:56 am

There's things in life we cannot choose; how we feel.

It sounds just like my experience, everything is clearer in third person, like your one with the jumper, I remember on a night out she came up to me in a dress with a small jacket, after we'd chatted and bought a drink she walked off to the dance floor and made sure I was looking when she took it off to reveal "a bit more" to me I persuaded myself she was teasing, but to my mates beside me, she was just taking he jacket off.
Your own thoughts lie to you, if she wants to be with you, she will be with you, when I met my ex she wanted me and my thoughts were so clear, she text. She called, she showed affection, she arranged to see me and then of course we became an item, she's either genuine and it's your own thoughts playing on you or she's controlling you because she knows how you feel.

I find feelings for a girl who doesn't give them back is like a drug, when she's gone and not giving you attention you get withdrawals and miserable, as soon as you get your fix you're happy and hopeful then the drop comes straight after
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Re: Friend Zone!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Mon May 25, 2015 12:26 pm

That's what I mean, you can't help who you fall for, it's determining whether or not those feelings are real, are just because your lonely or something, which is how I feel now. And as with the jumper thing she had plenty of time to take it off before I started talking to her, so why wait? It is as if she's
Playing me! She does make an effort sometimes but maybe not enough to think she's anything more than a friend! As for it being like a drug! That's exactly how it is, if I don't see her I'm miserable, when I was trying to withdraw myself from her, I was finding it hard not to approach or talk or even acknowledge her! But when I'm talking to her I feel happy, I'm not even if sure if it's more than friendship I feel, yes she's attractive, way out my league I'd have thought, so perhaps that's just how it is. If I didn't have these feelings I guess it would be fine to talk to her. Maybe a few weeks without seeing her might help!
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Re: Friend Zone!

Postby NMe1992 » Mon May 25, 2015 4:34 pm

If you're feeling anything like I did you'll need more than a few weeks, I went a month and a half and nearly gave in because if you're going to distance yourself from her you need to remember; you're doing it for you, don't distance with the thought of "Now she'll realise I'm gone and will be panicked and begging for me back" because that's what I thought and when she still never text or called I got angry that I wasn't getting the reaction I wanted.
Luckily a new career and finding my ex completely erased her from my mind.

And do you know what? That was 11 months ago, my ex only became my ex 3 weeks ago because she cheated and played me, and this original girl is now a genuine friend of mine giving me support and advice!
You have to just get your head around that a relationship will not happen, but what can I salvage from this?
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Re: Friend Zone!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Mon May 25, 2015 11:10 pm

The problem is I will always bump into her, I can avoid her to the extent of not approaching or acknowledging her, but I will see her most days! So in that respect its going to be hard! I did try but talked to her recently as I knew she was going through a tough time, and we ended up chatting longer than expected. But that's all it was, we talked, it's as if she uses me to have the conversations she can't with her partner, ones that might cause problems, and I guess that is what friends are for in one way, and I'm happy to do that, I just need to separate my feelings for her, from those of being there for her as a friend.
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Re: Friend Zone!

Postby dawolf » Sat Jul 25, 2015 12:27 pm

Hmm this is a difficult one and a situation which I have been in before a couple of times. It's hard when you have feelings. I tried to stay as friends with the women I liked and tried to support them but over time it just hurt too much and I became quite frustrated. Especially because it appeared that they were not very happy in their relationships and were not treated well by their partners. Sometimes I can't understand people stay with partners who are clearly negative, childlike and selfish but there you go. Only you can decide if you can remain as friends or if it may be better to just stop the contact.
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Re: Friend Zone!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Sat Jul 25, 2015 4:55 pm

That's exactly it, she even said one time, when I said she looked a bit grumpy, ' no that's when he comes home' so it's obviously not great. I do think some of it is she's scared of being on her own with the kids, but he doesn't seem to get on with them either. All I can do I guess is be a friend for her, and be there and if she notices that, and realises I want more who knows. But I'd rather have her as a friend than nothing. I'm coming to terms with the fact it won't be more than friends so it's getting easier.
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