Constant fights. Is it over? I still Love her. please help!

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Constant fights. Is it over? I still Love her. please help!

Postby BrokeButStillInLove » Thu Apr 30, 2015 8:12 pm

Hello everyone!
I am new here and this is my first post here... I was brought here by unbearable pain I have been experiencing for the past well, almost 1.5 years... I met my girlfriend at uni and after we started dating she was initially treating me as a colleague or some sort of trial boyfriend. Later we fell in Love and we were happy, I am still in Love with her and I can honestly say that I have never met anyone like her (in good meaning). But now everything is falling apart, it is my fault. Before I met her I was noticing that I can’t stop watching porn but after we started dating it all went away, we were really happy couple… Problems started when she went away for holidays with her family and I was working, I flirted a bit on the internet with two friends (one was a bit explicit) and after my gf came back, she went through all my emails and Facebook and found these conversations… I thought it was over but we agreed that I will make it up to her and fix it. I was trying hard, I took all the blame and I didn't ‘cheat’ on her again I nearly failed my postgraduate studies due to talking till early morning with her, skipping lectures to see her when she was upset and I was there almost all the time when she wanted me to be with her… Now after over 3 years together (1.5 years )I am feeling really unwell, I feel anxious most of the time, got some health problems and I feel really depressed when we fight, although I very much love her and I want us to be together. She says that she loves me but also is now frequently very angry with me over nothing, tells me that she starts to trust me and then all the sudden that she will never trust me again but she still loves me and hates me, however she also says things that she only pretends to love me and she is with me because, she wants to find someone else instead of breaking off with me, then being single and finding someone else. I feel like all my efforts goes to nothing and she doesn't appreciate it but she just looks for yet another thing to fight over again, and another argument to show how bad I am and how badly I mistreated her. I accepted that it was my fault but taking all this harsh comments about me and blaming myself brings bad memories from school where I was badly bullied and as we fight, it comes back and I start feeling this emotional black hole and associating her with my old school bullies. I told her about my past and she was angry with me that I thought like that about her.

I don’t know what else to do, how do I prove her that I love her and that I am not cheating? (she has all my passwords and I guess she goes through my stuff often).
How do I keep her happy and safe?

And how can I safe our relationship?

I really care about her and I love her very much. I did stupid mistake long time ago and I didn't do it again, I was trying hard to fix things but now I feel like I don’t have strength anymore…


Any comments are welcome.

Thanks.
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Re: Constant fights. Is it over? I still Love her. please he

Postby Mrconfused74 » Fri May 01, 2015 7:49 am

The thing is you broke her trust. She was away, and for what ever reason you strayed, it might just be flirting but how far would it have gone if you hadn't been caught. Now she can't trust you, and that trust needs to be rebuilt. But every time you get a text, or a phone call, she will wonder who it is, if you hold on to your phone, or disappear if you get a text, she'll wonder who it is. And whilst it may all be innocent, she will remember that you betrayed her. It can take a long time to rebuild the trust, and whilst she may be able to forgive, she will never forget. You could be innocently talking to another woman and she will think your flirting, so you need to decide what you want to do. You could try and prove your faithful, or you can walk away. If she's saying she's only with you till she meets someone else, there may be some truth in this. Or she may just be trying to hurt you for what you've done. At the end of the day, if it is making you I'll it isn't a healthy relationship. Only you can decide what to do, but if your not happy, then break it off, better to be unhappy for a short time, than for the rest of your life.
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Re: Constant fights. Is it over? I still Love her. please he

Postby JBrammer » Fri May 01, 2015 9:19 am

Going through a similar situation myself - with trust being an issue, and fighting for my relationship - I should be able to offer some good advice.
But I know what it is like, and I'm afraid its easier to say things here than it is to do them.

If you're anything like me, you want to save the relationship, but the constant worries over it are nagging away at you and bringing you down.
You (and I) may being a bit stubborn about not wanting to give up the relationship - especially if it has been good in the past.

But you need to look here and now, and look ahead. If she is just with you while she is waiting for the next person, then it is doing nobody any favours. But did she mean it or was it said in the heat of the moment?
Sitting down, and being brave enough to talk through these issues - as hard as they will be - probably seems the best thing to do. Try and avoid shouting, screaming and getting too emotional as that will only stoke things up into another row.

I wish you all the best - and I should listen to my own advice as well
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Re: Constant fights. Is it over? I still Love her. please he

Postby David020549 » Sun May 03, 2015 5:24 pm

This is obviously causing you a great deal of stress and she has not forgiven you after many months, then it is probably best to end the relationship before it make you seriously ill. You will find another partner again, next time don't get caught doing anything silly, maybe when you say you are leaving she will change, but don't bet on it.
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