Boyfriend problem. What should I do? HELP!

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Boyfriend problem. What should I do? HELP!

Postby LovelyLau » Sat May 02, 2015 6:01 pm

Hello everyone!

So really need some words of wisdom as I have no idea what to do.

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and in December, we moved into our own house.

What has come apparent over the past 4 - 6 weeks is that my bf is texting this girl every day without fail. If it's not texting, it's sending pictures via Snap Chat or through Facebook.

He used to be her team leader and then she left the company to go elsewhere.

When I have mentioned to him about him texting her, every day, I said to him that it seems strange. I never speak to my friends all the time. Or if I text someone, perhaps the text conversation lasts about 3 - 4 messages each and that's it for a few weeks. He told me I was being paranoid and that it is normal.

It got to the point where he was becoming very protective of his phone and he even put a code on it. Now every time she texts, he deletes all messages.

Because he was texting all of the time, I became very curious, so I checked his phone. (I know - I shouldnt have done but it's done now) When I checked his phone, it was the morning after he went out all the previous afternoon / night with this girl and other people who he works with.

One text message that I read said that he didn't mean to make the walk back to the car awkward but deep down, he thinks they both know how the feel. He feels guilty about feeling this way and that he doesn't want to break my heart. Later on the message went on to say that recently he has not been happy but he just has to settle. There was another message where she kept asking him to go back to hers...(he didnt)

Knowing this, I felt sick inside. I do not want to be second best!!

I generally queried about him being unhappy last week - and he out right denied it!! He said he was happy.

I was talking to him about this girl again and he said that they talk about random stuff. I saw another message ( i know i know...) and he said to her that I am aware that they talk but I think it's random stuff. If I knew what they were talking about I'd kick him out.

Seriously, how am I supposed to react to this? They talk throughout the day and it's very sexual what I have read.

How do I even approach the fact that I've read the messages to him? He's also going out drinking with her and others tomorrow. I dread what other confessions will be said this time...

His mum asked him outright if something was going on - he said no. And he told me about it and seemed genuinely upset she had asked him


Any words of wisdom would be appreciated x
LovelyLau
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Re: Boyfriend problem. What should I do? HELP!

Postby David020549 » Sun May 03, 2015 5:08 pm

If they are exchanging texts of a "sexual" nature and going out drinking and overnighting they are having an affair, probably casual. Maybe you can tolerate it, in which case make sure you protect your own interests, money, property etc, but unless he changes you will probably split up, then she will probably drop him, he will become homeless and ask to be taken back.
You don't mention kids, if there are any sit tight if not the house will probably be sold to split the value.
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Re: Boyfriend problem. What should I do? HELP!

Postby LovelyLau » Sun May 03, 2015 8:47 pm

He's out with her and his work colleagues now. Snap chatting started at 9am this morn!!

From everything I have read, I can't believe how 'normal' he has been acting. He talks about how much he loves me and our future (marriage, kids...) but how can he say this?!?!?

I need to sit down and speak to him. There is no good time but I can't waste my life with someone who would rather be with someone else.
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Re: Boyfriend problem. What should I do? HELP!

Postby Akidma » Mon May 04, 2015 11:40 am

Hi
Dump him and do it soon. Yes I know that isn't what you perhaps wanted to hear but it is sound advice. He is straying; playing the field but equally he wants to keep you nice and safe in the background. You have become, and indeed you are now second best because he has discovered another life without you. Trust me iif he is sending and receiving sexual messages from another female then he will not and probably cannot just leave it at that. In time he will seek a physical relationship with this girl and if you are still around he will inevitably cheat on you.
You seem nice, and I doubt you deserve the treatment this guy will put you through. The relationship you had is over so dump him and run, because there are blokes out there who would appreciate you. I would!
I wish you well.
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Re: Boyfriend problem. What should I do? HELP!

Postby snail » Mon May 04, 2015 1:31 pm

Akidma wrote:...playing the field but equally he wants to keep you nice and safe in the background...The relationship you had is over so dump him and run...

I'm afraid I would pretty much agree with this.

Please let us know how you get on, if you can.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Boyfriend problem. What should I do? HELP!

Postby 99probutchicoaint1 » Sat May 23, 2015 3:35 pm

what's happened since then? IMO kick him to the curb!!
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