Husband in love with widowed wife of best friend

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Husband in love with widowed wife of best friend

Postby clementineboian » Tue May 05, 2015 10:27 pm

Looking for advice on what to do!

My husband of 10 years seems to be going through a midlife crisis. His best friend died 4 months ago and he is now in love with his wife, whom he has know for 20 years. He announced to me a few days ago that he is in love with her and wants to leave his job, leave our marriage and move away to live with her.
We have a 7 year old daughter together and have had a rocky marriage from time to time but a fabulous sex life, even now.
His plan is to give 2 months notice on his job, stay here with us during that time and then move away to start his new life and return every other week to spend a few days with his daughter, who is the most important thing in his life.
Both of us are super conscious of hurting our daughter as little as possible during this time and making the transition of marriage breakup as smooth as possible.
He has offered to look after us financially as much as he can, bearing in mind he will be unemployed, and that I remain in our apartment with our daughter for now.
I have listened to everything he said to me but feeling very numb and heartbroken. He is cold towards me (except when we have sex when he is loving, affectionate and considerate), generally uncommunicative and drinking more heavily than usual.
A part of me wants him to leave now rather than in 2 months, but I understand his reasons for trying to make it as easy as we can for our daughter by going gradually.
I feel that his constant presence will not allow me space to get over this but I also feel that maybe he is having his cake and eating it too by staying in our marital home and conveniently moving in with his new love as soon as his job finishes. What is the right thing to do??
Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you.
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Re: Husband in love with widowed wife of best friend

Postby David020549 » Wed May 06, 2015 6:54 am

This sounds like a fait accompli, and he is not being very practical in his aims, if he gives up his job , moves away and is unemployed, setting up a new home is going to take all his cash. So unless his new love has a cash pile, support for you may not be much, you need to spend the next month or so getting your own finances rearranged without him. His attention is obviously comforting his new love in her grief but that may not last, in fact she may not realize what is happening, giving up work and moving away is not a rational thing to do.
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Re: Husband in love with widowed wife of best friend

Postby Bel Bel » Wed May 06, 2015 11:11 am

The atmosphere is going to be awkward and your daughter will pick up on it anyway
He is using you and your home. He loves this woman but is having sex with you, I bet she doesn't know that
The other woman is grieving and clinging onto someone close to her husband, this will be very unlikely to last
I would tell him to leave now
Sit and explain to your daughter dad has been upset by his friend dying and needs some time to come to terms with it and may not be at home for a while until he gets better
This is nearer the truth as he may well come back when he realises what an idiot he is being, especially giving up his job.
And NO he can't stay at yours. If he wants to see his daughter he can take her to where he lives. He is just using you as a second life that he has every other weekend but he is selling it to you as if it's about his daughter.
It will be much more confusing to your daughter if he is in and out. Clear boundries will mean she realises dad has left and lives here now not comes home occasionally to sleep with mum???? :evil:
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Re: Husband in love with widowed wife of best friend

Postby snail » Wed May 06, 2015 1:00 pm

Bel Bel wrote:The atmosphere is going to be awkward and your daughter will pick up on it anyway
He is using you and your home. He loves this woman but is having sex with you, I bet she doesn't know that
The other woman is grieving and clinging onto someone close to her husband, this will be very unlikely to last
I would tell him to leave now
Sit and explain to your daughter dad has been upset by his friend dying and needs some time to come to terms with it and may not be at home for a while until he gets better
This is nearer the truth as he may well come back when he realises what an idiot he is being, especially giving up his job.
And NO he can't stay at yours. If he wants to see his daughter he can take her to where he lives. He is just using you as a second life that he has every other weekend but he is selling it to you as if it's about his daughter.
It will be much more confusing to your daughter if he is in and out. Clear boundries will mean she realises dad has left and lives here now not comes home occasionally to sleep with mum???? :evil:

Agree 100% with every word of this.
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