Heartbroken, girlfriend of 5 months split up with me

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Heartbroken, girlfriend of 5 months split up with me

Postby mcena1992 » Thu May 07, 2015 5:49 pm

Hello there, I am new to this forum. Im 22 and my ex is 21. We just split up yesterday and im absolutely devdevastated, I love her to pieces. Everything had been going along perfect for 4 months, speaking everyday, seeing each other 4-5 times a week, regular sex etc. However 3 weeks ago she said we felt more like friends than a couple and wanted to split up however that got sorted out and everything seemed back to normal. We went out for dinner and drinks the next night. Everything had seemed perfect again until Sunday (we even booked a holiday last week).. She suddenly became distant and stopped talking to me out of the blue. Tried talking to her nicely but to no avail, so was direct with her yesterday and asked is she acting like this because she wants to break up. She replied in such a selfish, uncaring way and said yea thats it over I was waiting on you finishing it. Im completely heartbroken, still love her so much and want her back. We had the perfect relationship a few weeks ago, what do I do? Please help. Thanks.
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Re: Heartbroken, girlfriend of 5 months split up with me

Postby David020549 » Sat May 09, 2015 9:57 pm

Sorry, this happens, she fell out of love with you. Maybe you were too serious, or not serious enough, or she met someone else, or 101 other reasons. Time to move on plenty of other girls out there, better luck next time.
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Re: Heartbroken, girlfriend of 5 months split up with me

Postby miaow » Sun May 10, 2015 6:10 pm

Sorry to hear this.

You are feeling low at the moment because you thought everything was okay and you thought you were both happy, when for your ex it wasn't what she felt. Whatever the real reason for her finishing it you will get over it and start to feel better soon I promise.

Try to keep yourself busy with friends to take your mind off her.
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Re: Heartbroken, girlfriend of 5 months split up with me

Postby mcena1992 » Mon May 11, 2015 12:38 pm

Thanks for the replies. I dont understand how she would book holidays off for us for her birthday a few days before, then on the Saturday she was out for friends 21st in london, texting me all day saying how much she loved me and how London wouldnt suit the 2 of us for our long weekend away and she said we should book up for Edinburgh within the next week.. Then from sunday onwards she was done with me? Im still distraught and so bewildered at why this has happened :(
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Re: Heartbroken, girlfriend of 5 months split up with me

Postby Tarantula » Wed May 13, 2015 1:11 am

This is a mystery. You deserve a better explanation. I'm sure she has her good points, but I'm gonna start by suggesting that maybe you can do better than someone who's so callous to not even tell you the real reasons.

Obviously my first instinct is, maybe she got someone else. But given what you said about frequency of contact etc, that seems unlikely. Think hard, is there anything in her behaviour that changed? Why did she say she felt like you were just friends (what kinda friends does she have, then, if she was sexing you that much?!).

BEST thing you can do is also the hardest, but best: do NOT contact her. From simply going no-contact, you will demonstrate boundaries, self-respect and clarity, which is attractive and will probably make her second guess her decision. Doesn't matter if you're secretly hurting inside; she's expecting you to react a certain way to this; do not react that way and if you have been, stop now. Show her you don't need her by your actions (or inactions) and, trust me, she will begin to wonder if she made a bad call.

It's annoying we have to 'play games' like these sometimes but by gum, everyone is doing it, let's all get with the programme. If you want her back, do not contact her. If you want to move on, do not contact her. There is no benefit to contact whatsoever other than possible short term relief in your quest for understanding as to why she ended it in the first place. But you shouldn't have to chase that down.

Literally do not contact her in any way or make covert FB updates about her or ANY of that for a FULL WEEK and then report back here on what's happened. If she contacts, do NOT reply. One week. Think you can do that?
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Re: Heartbroken, girlfriend of 5 months split up with me

Postby mcena1992 » Wed May 13, 2015 10:21 am

Hello, thats nearly a week already with absolutely no contact...not from her, not from me. Last I heard from her was last Wednesday saying she still wanted to be friends and I said no. Nothing from there, hopefully she is doubting herself because she said only a few weeks ago she has trust issues due to past relationships and that 'this one seems to good to be true, no one has ever been this nice to me before, ever'. I want her back
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Re: Heartbroken, girlfriend of 5 months split up with me

Postby Nomad » Wed May 13, 2015 1:46 pm

really feel for you mcena. Such a painful time for you. Many of us have been in the same situation, I know I have. All I can say is that those final comments from her suggest you really should try to move on. If she has these issues she needs to go away and work through them before she gets involved in a relationship. She is being incredibly unkind to you by dragging you along for her bumpy ride (not to mention incredibly cowardly in the way she dealt with the break up). If she has underlying issues and is not mature enough to get help with them, then she will just do this over and over again. She is taking advantage of your kind nature and your love for her.

You guys are so young. There is a whole life ahead of you and many more choices. You will look back at this and see it as a learning experience, even if you can't see that now. Try and find distracting things to do that you enjoy. Go and see movies with friends, play sport etc etc. Time will pass you you will be fine.

My advice from my late 30s and many break ups later is, before you get in too deep with someone and get cracking on the sex life, hold back, get to know someone and check out their emotional stability. Its all very well if you both just want something physical, but if you are looking for something serious, take care of yourself and take your time. The physical stuff can be very blinding otherwise. Four months may feel like it was a long time, but it really isn't. She is still experimenting with how relationships make her feel and that is damaging for you. Find the mature and emotionally stable ones!!
All the best x
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Re: Heartbroken, girlfriend of 5 months split up with me

Postby mcena1992 » Thu May 14, 2015 12:20 am

Thank you for your replies eveveryone, greatly appreciated and have been a great help at this tough time. Maybe I feel I want her back just because there is a hole missing just now I was used to...I know I can do better than her. Im a good looking boy, intelligent, have alot of friends and I am a much nicer person than she is, I get on with everyone. Maybe I should try move on, got a holiday and a few music festivals to look forward to this summer. Then maybe down the line when I have moved on and see me doing better for myself with a girlfriend who cares about me more she will regret what she has done.
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Re: Heartbroken, girlfriend of 5 months split up with me

Postby David020549 » Thu May 14, 2015 6:52 am

I think she already regrets it or she would not have contacted you, the problem is that she is obviously young and does not know what she wants. On one hand she likes having a boyfriend and on the other she also likes having fun with her friends, which accounts for her being excited before the 21st, elated afterwards then wanting you again days later. It is difficult for a girl to " let herself go" if the boyfriend or partner is about, it causes far too many complications, her friends say how much fun they had clubbing and she didn't go.
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Re: Heartbroken, girlfriend of 5 months split up with me

Postby mcena1992 » Thu May 14, 2015 9:42 am

She hasnt contacted me at all since we broke up and even deleted me off facebook. When I was going with her she deleted any girl I ever had a thing with. Think she definitely has jealousy problems bit when I was with her in person she was totally different and thats the reason I fell in love with her.
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