Should i give her a second chance?

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Should i give her a second chance?

Postby Tone89 » Tue May 12, 2015 10:55 pm

Hi all,

First of all, thank you in advance to whomever reads this - it is much appreciated. I really need some impartial advice from someone who has ideally been in a similar situation. I'll get right to the point.

I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months. Throughout our time together, absolute everything, was perfect. We cared for each other and I know that we both equally loved each other. Because I work away from where my girlfriend goes to uni( I would rather not disclose locations) it meant that we usually only saw each other on the weekends or holidays - nonetheless our relationship was solid and we kept in daily contact.

Last Weekend, I went to visit her in her home town. We decided to have a drink and go out on a Friday night to celebrate the end of term(she is still a student) and we ended up in a fairly big local club. It was only the two of us and our night was going great, we both had a lot to drink and she especially was quite drunk.

That's when it all started to go wrong. As we were dancing, she turned around and gave me her handbag and disappeared somewhere. I sat there and waited for her for 2 hours. The club started to close down and I frantically went into all the rooms, including both toilets, to look for her. I was informed that she had been chucked out because she was being sick.

I had her bag, her phone, keys and wallet with me and was worried sick. I panically went out trying to search her for her... I went back to her house to see if the was back home and...she wasn't. I spoke to her housemate and she also had no clue as to where my girlfriend was. That's when i started to get panically worried.

I took a cab to the local club where we went, in the hope that I will find someone there who will be able to give me some information. As I got out the cab, i saw my girlfriend kissing another man who also had his hands up her skirt. At the beginning, I wasn't sure if that was her and so i went to check and make sure. It was her.

I was so worried and distressed and when i finally saw her kissing another man, who was also touching her up her skirt - I lost it. I got in a fight with the man who was kissing her and his friends and I beat them up, really badly. I just... didn't know what to do. She was there next to me and looked absolutely smashed out of her face.

I thought the right thing to do would be to get her home safely, because she could not even walk. As i got her by the arm to take to the cab, the cowards that took advantage of her chased me shouting "Your girlfriend doesn't love you, your girlfriend doesn't love you". They didnt have the courage to fight me so they left us and we got back in the cab and I finally took her home.

When i took her home, I explained what happened to her housemate and told them that this was the last time they will ever see me or hear about me again and I left.

My girlfriend is now trying to get back in touch with me and is begging me for a second chance. She claims that she has no memory whatsoever of what happened and that she does not even know who that man was. She seems absolutely heartbroken and devastated, as I am, and is begging me to forgive her.

I am really struggling. I was really in love with this girl and I can't believe that she just left me... I was worried sick about her and yet i found her with someone else 2 hours after i lost her...

What do you all think I should do? Shall i forgive her? Please help.
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Re: Should i give her a second chance?

Postby David020549 » Thu May 14, 2015 5:05 pm

I am mystified here, you took her clubbing gave her too much to drink made her sick and somehow it's her fault.
I am quite surprised that she wants to see you again, however you did rescue her from those creeps who were no doubt intent on some serious abuse and you did take her home safely.

Of course give her a second chance she probably thinks you are a hero but go easy on the booze next time and I am sure you will have a good date. Remember 2 large glasses of wine will make most girls tipsy, 3 will make them messy especially if they are small.
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Re: Should i give her a second chance?

Postby snail » Thu May 14, 2015 7:25 pm

Yes, I would give her a second chance. If she really was very drunk (and it does sound like she was) then I can believe she had no understanding or memory of what she was doing.

Just make sure she learns a lesson from it not to overdo it again - apart from the damage to your relationship she could have been in very serious danger in that situation if you hadn't come along. She was very lucky to have you around.
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Re: Should i give her a second chance?

Postby Tarantula » Sun May 17, 2015 3:52 pm

I disagree.

It's not your fault that she got smashed - that's HER responsibility.

I don't believe that situations with her and the guy just HAPPEN, either. Smashed or no smashed, I've never personally been so drunk that I've kissed someone I didn't want to. Being drunk blurs your judgement sure, but there still needs to be some kind of consent happening - unless she's passed out on the floor and they are just on her.

And even in the case where she drinks to the point of passing out - it's not your doing at all, she is totally responsible for her own health and behaviour.

I don't think I would be able to get past it, personally. I'd permanently worry that the next time she's out without me (or even with me), she's liable to get herself in that situation again. At worst it's disloyal, at best it's immature and irresponsible.
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Re: Should i give her a second chance?

Postby rufio89 » Mon May 18, 2015 11:47 am

My view falls somewhere in between the others.

First and foremost you need to think - do you WANT to give her another chance, do YOU think she deserves another chance and do you think it was a one time thing?

I would wholeheartedly disagree with David - I think its her responsibility to take care of her alcohol intake and safety. That's not to say you should abandon her if she's hammered but it's also not your fault if she gets into a state. Lots of people go out and get into ridiculous messes, get hurt, hurt others, make terrible decisions etc, so she's hardly on her own on this.

At the end of the day, she shouldnt have done it, there's no 2 ways about that, but I do believe when someone is utterly paralytic they fall into traps they otherwise wouldnt. I'd hardly even call it making a bad decision because decision making has long since gone out of the window.

Regardless of what you decide she needs to be careful getting that drunk, she could have ended up in a much worse situation.

How are you feeling about the whole thing now some time has passed?
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Re: Should i give her a second chance?

Postby 99probutchicoaint1 » Sat May 23, 2015 3:59 pm

what I don't get is why you sat there for 2 hours? If my BF went missing for 20 mins I'd go looking for him? and it seems very fishy that she didn't come back to you either or bumped into you for 2 whole hours? was she very drunk when she left you? You need to at least have an honest discussion from her for closure sake anyway and tell her you want the honest truth about everything. Have you spoken to her at all?
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Re: Should i give her a second chance?

Postby NMe1992 » Sun May 24, 2015 12:36 am

I'd be careful with her buddy, what kind of a person is she? Does she love attention from men? Is she a natural flirt?

My ex-girlfriend text me saying two men had tried to kiss her on a night out, but on further talks through friends there, I discovered she'd actually got very drunk and kissed both of them and her friend had to stop them, I'd also only been with her for 6 months when this happened and I thought we were dedicated to each other, I gave her a second chance and she did it again! I was lucky that I regained some sort of control and kicked her out, but it left me broken hearted.

If you want my advice, you still have control, keep it that way, you make her prove that she wants you and no one else, don't make the same mistake I did, I took mine back straight away with no repurcussions for her.
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Re: Should i give her a second chance?

Postby Tone89 » Mon May 25, 2015 12:33 am

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your advice.

I somewhat agree with Dave - only to an extent though... I should have gone looking for her in those 2 hours and i should have taken her home when i saw her drink so much. The problem is that she seemed fine when she was with me - she did not give any signs of being paralytic or unwell...Either way I have a fault in this as well - possibly because i had never been in a situation like that before, ever. The bottom line i think, is that the main fault lies with her. I am not God and I will not judge others for what they do - but I do think its ones responsibility to look after oneself.

Anyway - some time went by and I have had time to think. I do like her and we have spoken since - she will come and see me to talk about it in person but I just don't think its worth the drama. When i spoke to her - she told me that she does not remember anything that happened that night(handy excuse) and that she has no idea who that guy was. Since then I have found pictures on Facebook(not a stalker - they were on her wall) with a guy who looks exactly like the guy i saw her with. Obviously, I can't be a 100% sure and I will probably never know the truth either way, but I will ask her when i see her in person. Seeing her reaction and emotions in person will give me an accurate indication, instinctively, as to whether she is lying or not. Truthfully though, i think trust is a big part of a relationship - if not the biggest. How can i be with someone who I do not trust? I don't think its possible. Luckily i have not been in trouble with the police as I anticipated i would be - at least that's a relief.

I think people can change and everyone deserves a second chance, sure. But change is something only a few people are capable of - and something tells me that me hoping for a change is naive. Maybe, i am just lonely as I have not had a girlfriend for quite some time and when someone is lonely - they usually tend to make mistakes.

It's quite a strange thing actually, because my previous girlfriend that I was with for 2 years ended up cheating on me with my best friend. Now I found someone who i really like and believed she liked me as well - and this happened. I heard it mentioned somewhere that If you get fooled once - then the shame lies with the person who has fooled you. But if you get fooled again, by the same circumstance or situation - then the blame can't be put solely on the other person - there is probably something wrong with me too. I don't say this to make people sorry for me - because I think that's pathetic. I say it because its worth mentioning. What is the point of finding someone broken and trying to fix them? Isn't it better to find someone who is whole and have a meaningful relationship that way? Maybe I just like finding broken people and trying to fix them.

Too much philosophy on a Sunday night(bank holiday) :D
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