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Ex & Partner!

Posted: Thu May 14, 2015 8:56 pm
by MissMaybex
Hi there! I'm knew to this and there probably won't be much advice you could give to this situation, but I just need to let it out!

So 4 years ago I moved to America to live with and marry my ex partner. I was only 19 but was so young and wrapped up I thought this was the greatest thing of all time. Unfortunately as I am a huge family orientated person who had never not spoken to my family for less than a couple hours, fell into a mild state of depression and I couldn't cope anymore. I was only there for a year (we had been together 2 years prior) but I came to find out my ex husband (who is still my husband as we haven't yet finalised our divorce) for the person he really was. He wasn't anything majorly bad, we were just young, immature and incapable of married life to the point for my own mental sanity I had to move back home before I did something stupid. This was one of the only times of my life that was the darkest and scariest to which I'll never allow myself to go back to again. It was a bitter sweet process because I loved him and I still do. But he wasn't there for me when I needed him the most. I thought coming home would allow me to go back to the care free life that I had before to which it did but instead of taking time to myself 4 months later I began dating another guy (my ex husband and I had obviously broken up) and 4 months after that I found out I was pregnant. So life carried on and I love my little boy to bits and I'm still with the same partner expecting baby no 2 of which we planned. Although I am happy, I am not content. I feel I never got chance to figure things out, I never got the opportunity to try again with my ex husband and although I am greatly thankful for my little boy and his soon to be sibling, I can't help but grieve for the life i could have saved. I love my partner but I also love my ex husband. We still speak occasionally and are very much civil but we both still love each other a lot. I connected with my ex husband deeper, emotionally than I've ever connected with anybody else. I wouldn't change my children for the world as they've made me a better person and I love them so much! I'm studying in medical school and hoping to transfers to the U.S. To work and live out there with my family. But will I always long for my previous life? Will I ever feel content? I just love my ex husband and I can't help that. Please don't feel I'm being selfish! I enjoy the life I have with my partner but I long for my ex husband. Is that sad?