Unable to Move On after 4 years apart

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Unable to Move On after 4 years apart

Postby Chrisk » Mon May 18, 2015 12:18 pm

Hi All

Brand new to the site today. And Im looking for a bit of advice from impartial folks about my situation and if anyone can advise me on what I could do to move on!

It s going to be a lengthy thread so apologies in advance. I will try my best to condense where possible rather than go on n on! So I ll begin at the start.

Seven years ago come June I found out my husband had been unfaithful. I can say that I didn't think our marriage was so bad that he made a choice to go elsewhere but it would seem it was. So I found out he left for a few days came back, then we split for a few months after that but he came back and we tried again. We tried until Sept 2010 when I thought we were on an even keel and came across him texting another female which he denied. Thing is I saw who he was texting so knew it was true. We split as despite her being a "friend" in view of past conduct on his part I couldn't trust him. It was a difficult time for both of us. We have 2 kids who were left with me. He came in n out to pick them up etc as you do and this went on for around a year. He eventually found someone else though was keeping it from myself and the kids. Eventually the kids were introduced to the new woman and they seemed to be ok with her. He has been seeing this woman for about 3 years now but throughout this time he has continually said to me he is very unhappy at what he had put me and the kids through. Despite this though he did still remain in a relationship with this other woman, by his way of it hurting her too as well as me.

Its now over 4 years ago since we separated and although I have been on countless dates and even in a couple of short term relationships I just cannot seem to move on. The idea of him being with someone else still cuts me to the quick. I feel sick to my stomach at the state of my life. Even when he s away from me he s on my mind constantly. I ve tried the whole dating site thing, getting out and about to meet someone else, but in all honesty its just not something I am able to do on a regular basis. I find myself bitter, angry, resentful, and just hurt so deeply I feel ill never heal. My youngest child is 10 so he s pretty much around for a good few years. He has built a new life albeit saying he is unhappy but even Im not that stupid to know that hes still having a life. I feel like Im stuck in a huge rut unable to get out of it regardless of what I do.

Im very unhappy which isn't fair to my kids. Anyone know how I can shut this out my mind? Or does anyone have he same situation as me??
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Re: Unable to Move On after 4 years apart

Postby David020549 » Sat May 23, 2015 6:59 am

I have been waiting for some other views on your problem, as none have been given here goes. You seem to have tried all the obvious ways out of this depression, even after 4 years is asking him back out of the question because it seems that you are still in love with him.
Because he sees the kids regularly he is still in your life on a week to week basis you need an all absorbing activity, a new relationship is what most would choose first but a new job, charity work, fostering, anything really as long as it occupies your mind 24/7.
A great many estranged partners have this problem, probably the majority men, the women would normaly focus on the kids, the house, friends and work, that would occupy them enough, sorry I do not have any mor constructive ideas.
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