Hubby and the bedroom...

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Hubby and the bedroom...

Postby miaow » Wed May 27, 2015 2:39 pm

So my hubby and I are both in our mid 30's, and had two failed IVF attempts in the past 12 months.

I have lost interest in any bedroom activity; its a chore which it shouldn't be. I appreciate the failed IVF's will have had a negative effect on my libido but my hubby has gained so much weight and when we do do it (sorry to be graphic) he finishes so soon then falls asleep straight away.

He has raised why we don't do it hardly anymore and I've explained my drive has just gone, ive even explained gently that when we do, I don't get any enjoyment and end up feeling resentful; he says it's because he loves me so much and he can't help it. I've not mentioned his weight, I don't want to hurt him but he is just piling it on and it's starting to turn me off.

Where do I go from here?
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Re: Hubby and the bedroom...

Postby Bel Bel » Wed May 27, 2015 3:08 pm

I think you could tackle the weight issue by talking health in terms of conceiving
Weight can have an adverse affect on fertility
Also exercise releases endorphins so why don't you suggest you do some activities together for him on the weight front and you to get your libido back
The problem is if you feel you have to have it to conceive then it will become a chore.
Once in the bedroom just say let's have more foreplay then i will get mine before you go to sleep 8-[ Make it jokey but hopefully he will get the hint
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Re: Hubby and the bedroom...

Postby miaow » Wed May 27, 2015 3:23 pm

Thanks for your reply.

The IVf problem is with me, so he wouldn't take on board anything about his weight affecting it. We could try more exercise and see if that helps, he needs to cut down on what he is eating:pies, desserts, take aways, can of beer very night etc.

We've been trying for 4 years so sex has become a chore, but until recently I've never not fancied him. I love him to bits but also worry about his health as well as our bedroom life.
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Re: Hubby and the bedroom...

Postby David020549 » Wed May 27, 2015 9:01 pm

Two IVF attempts and no luck, you are both fertile but if you are not Interested in lovemaking you never will conceive. So, solution one, get him in the bedroom as often as you can if you want a family, wether or not you really fancy him. Solution two both of you get as fit as you can, enroll at the local gym, exercise does wonders for the whole wellbeing, not to mention blood pressure, weight and hormone balance.
My guess is that if you see him really trying to change his lifestyle and get fitter you will fancy him a lot, then you will relax and conceive naturally. You don't say how fit you are, you need to be as fit as you can, if you can run 10k great keep it up if you can't use that as a target.
I say that because my own daughter mid 30s had put on weight, lost 3 stone trained to run half marathons, got pregnant very quickly and now is proud to be a yummy mummy.
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Re: Hubby and the bedroom...

Postby Bel Bel » Thu May 28, 2015 10:04 am

I would disagree with David
Get an ovulation predication kit so you only have to have sex when you at your peak time to conceive.

You could tell hubby you both need to start getting fit for when your child comes. You can say we need to start now not wait til we have the stress of a baby too. Tell him that kids even very young pick up on adults behaviour, it's called modelling, and will copy their parents so you need to start practising to be good role models.

Getting healthy can include changing your food habits. Let him stick with the one beer for now, don't overwhelm him with too many objectives.

Once pregnant you can ask him to support you by not drinking with you
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Re: Hubby and the bedroom...

Postby David020549 » Fri May 29, 2015 6:54 am

As Bel Bel says you could wave the calendar at hubby and say tonight's the night but that is probably not going to get a positive reaction from him. If he is hinting that more sex would be nice go that way and discretely make sure it coincides with the calendar.
One beer does no harm but being badly overweight in your 30s needs serious action, as a couple there are no kids to tie you to a timetable, get out of bed early and get some exercise.
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Re: Hubby and the bedroom...

Postby miaow » Sat May 30, 2015 8:08 am

My problem is I don't want to have sex with him, he leaves me unsatisfied and I don't find him attractive anymore. He would have sex every night if I waved a calendar at him or not. The weight issue is not his fault, it happens to us all we overeat and then next thing our clothes are too tight. I'm sympathetic to this and want to help him, even though it turns me off sex. The leaving me unsatisfied once he is 'done' I am not sympathetic to, I find it selfish.

I've taken your suggestion about encouraging exercise, we have a dog and I've said this weekend we will go on a long trek up in the hills to burn some calories. I agree that I need to probably join him on the exercise route, although my bmi is in normal range, it's not fair to ask him to lose weight by himself.
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Re: Hubby and the bedroom...

Postby rufio89 » Sat May 30, 2015 10:29 am

While exercise is clearly a good thing to do for a number of reasons (and it might improve your own sex drive a little bit as well), weight loss is 80% diet. Are you the main cook in the house or is he? Maybe have a look at what the two of you are eating, if you cook make it healthier and if he cooks suggest you have some healthier meals for a while.
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Re: Hubby and the bedroom...

Postby miaow » Sun May 31, 2015 9:14 am

Now I've said we need to get fit when we went shopping we bought healthy foods and have planned what we are to eat for the week. If we stick to this and keep up the exercise the problem may solve itself!

Thank you for all your suggestions x
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