Crush or obsession or something

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Re: Crush or obsession or something

Postby Mrconfused74 » Thu Nov 05, 2015 12:13 pm

So this week, I've stepped back, only waved a few times even if she has first, I know it's not being true to myself, but I guess if I back off, and don't allow myself to be out there, she may either get the hint and the friendship will end, or it will make her think, maybe not what I need but short of telling her how I feel and that I don't think it's right to talk anymore, I'm not sure what else to do? Any ideas welcome. I've not allowed myself to be I a position where I might be invited for coffee, or offered help, but there is always a part of me that'll be concerned for what she's going through, specially coming up to Xmas. If I could just switch off my feelings it'd be easy, but as I've been told here if it was going to happen it would've, so, I should accept its not, and move on, but still be friends?
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Re: Crush or obsession or something

Postby Nomad » Sun Nov 08, 2015 11:29 am

Yes, you must move on. Still be friends? How can you. You need to just move on completely. It is so hard when you are the one 'in it', and you can't hear us advising that you move on, but it is so clear from the outside. One day that will come clear to you too. You are compromising your own happiness by giving yourself and not receiving anything back. You are clinging to the idea that one day she will change and instead of using you to boost her own self esteem she will notice you for you. I'm really sorry, but that is not going to happen. You have to grab reality with both hands and walk the other way. As for worrying about her... that is not your responsibility.

I've watched a friend for YEARS go through exactly the same thing as you. Living in limbo and clinging to blind hope but not accepting reality. The best thing that ever happened to her was last month the other person moved away. Finally she is free. She lived in the same state of mind as you, and would not listen to everyone's advice. She can see it now.

Dont let it be years of your life, move on.
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Re: Crush or obsession or something

Postby Mrconfused74 » Sat Nov 14, 2015 5:14 pm

You know, I was talking to someone the other day, and I said to them if it hasn't happened now it's not going too!! ( may have been on here) and a light seemed to go on in my head. And reading through all the comments I realise I should've taken the advice sooner. The last week or so I've hardly seen her, not made myself available to her although we chatted maybe twice in those weeks, I've not been round. So I guess saying it has made me realise. I'm still finding it hard to just walk completely but I guess if things go on as they are that will be easier. So thanks Nomad for being there, and helping, hope things are well with you, I'm here now and then be good to hear from you x
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