Page 1 of 1

Is it me? Help with girlfriend please!

PostPosted: Sat Jun 20, 2015 2:26 pm
by Lovehome
I need some help. I have been going out with a girl for 4 years. She suffers from depression and I suffer from anxiety. The reason we don't live together already is that my parent is living with me as they have no money. (I rent my place) But they are soon moving so I can then move in with my girlfriend. She currently lives in her own place which she owns. She lives miles away from her family so I'm really the only person she has here. She is very sensitive (very) gets upset with people very easily and can take things the wrong way. Over the past 4 years there has always seemed to be a lot of stress around her. She seems to fall out with people wherever she goes(not always her fault) but she's not able to just move on. She then wants friends to take sides which they don't want because it makes life difficult. So then she falls out with them. Although we have had many happy times, I do find her quite draining and makes my anxiety sky high. And then I tend to back away. It's not always been her fault, I have promised we will live together and have a baby. But then as soon as she has another upset or is in her place depressed with all the curtains shut, I start to think do I want to have children with this person? I love her very much very very very much, I'm finding it all too much. She won't have medication because of wanting a baby. She's recently been signed off work for 4 months. She has a good job, and still being paid. Although for two of those months it's full pay and then half pay. She does have money behind her and I have a full time job. She can't have children anyway unless we have ivf, or a sperm Donner as my sperm count is dreadful! (I'm not proud of this) one problem is that she basically told me she wants a child and is going too a clinic. And if I want to be the dad I need to decide. And so I agreed and we have a date to see someone about ivf. But today, after another episode of depression and now being off work etc, I told her that I was no longer sure that we should be doing this. But she's saying her depression is due to wanting a family etc. she's 34 by the way. So is it me? There has been so much drama since I've met her I'm worn out. But then I feel so guilty for thinking of ending it when I love her so much. My brain is turning to mush!

Thanks for listening.

Re: Is it me? Help with girlfriend please!

PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 5:17 pm
by Tucco
Hi there,
as no one else has replied I thought I would jump in, so where to start? First , anxiety, depression & for that matter a low sperm count are no ones fault, I am sure your GF does not choose to have depression anymore than you choose to have anxiety so no one can be blamed for those issue`s.
BUT having a new born will seriously ADD to these issues so if you are unsure please do not go ahead, I would ask your GF to get some medication for her depression and see how it goes from there, I would also be wary of moving in as obviously if things don't work out you could become homeless.
Please think carefully as to how you are going to proceed as young Children add a lot of stress to a relationship as I am sure others will tell you.
You have life changing decisions to make, think carefully and good luck.

Re: Is it me? Help with girlfriend please!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 23, 2015 3:58 pm
by Bel Bel
I agree with Tucco

You don't bring a child into an already stressful situation

You both need to get your disorders under control an perhaps have some couples counselling before moving in so your relationship is rock solid and you both know your expectations and requirements from each other

Re: Is it me? Help with girlfriend please!

PostPosted: Fri Jun 26, 2015 8:08 pm
by miaow
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. From someone with experience of going through two Ivf attempts (both failed) I must say the process is very stressful on any relationship and will only put add pressure to what already seems a stressful relationship. It can leave you with depression and anxiety issues, so I just worry that if your other half isn't in a good place now it will only make it worse. The hormones you inject for the ivf send you crazy and have plenty of side effects.

I agree with the others that a child is not going to resolve the issues you have. Maybe tackle the issues head on now, then when you are in a better place in the relationship consider having a child.

Best of luck.

Re: Is it me? Help with girlfriend please!

PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 4:54 pm
by Secretuk
Hello I'm new here and was sent a link to your post. Your problems sound very much like mine and I would love to hear what you have done to sort this out. I hope you are still active on this site?