6 yrs on and no change

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6 yrs on and no change

Postby yorkshirelady » Fri Jun 26, 2015 1:44 pm

I looked at my last post from2009
And i was asking Advice about my Husband not wanting sex as much as me anymore. to my Horror the reason i came back to this problem page was because its not changed a bit. in fact worse he's so Grumpy. when his dad past away in 2008 i understood things would change as his mum has a few medical conditions but in 2011 i was diagnosed with A lung condition copd . but im only in the early stages. but i need more help. but none of my 4 children help me and now my husband is always to tired to help ME. BUT HE HELPS his mother and a friend who has a van that my hubby takes care off as he`s a Mechanic . my hubby has told me if i wasn't sex`s all i have to do is touch him down there( genitals) but surely he should want to make love to me anyway?. he has said he has a lot on his mind. but when i read what i had posted last time on here it seems nothing has changed . were now 48 (well in August i will be) i've even told him i think i need sex more than him now yet when we were in our 20/30s he couldn't keep his hands off me. im not good looking anymore i had 3 pregnancies and 4 children by him. but had to have c-sections but sadly i never got my figure back and when i was diagnosed with my lung condition i stopped smoking im only 4"ft 10 and weigh 15st so im very fat and ugly from when he met me a size 10 and 8st .he isn't romantic with me anymore either. i dont expect flowers and chocolates every week. but the last time i thought he had bought me some beautiful flowers. turned out he had also bought his mother some because, it was the Anniversary of his dads Death.my own mother is in the early stages of Myeloma (cancer) i was so up set i took a few days off work . he asked me when i was going back to work not because he was concerned just so he could tell work as he drives me to work.he hasnt always like DIY or gardening but he would do it when needed. i stripped the wallpaper from my Dining area 3 yrs ago and asked would he decorate its still got blank walls .im now on Antidepressants but dont get support of him.iv wondered if he `s depressed but he says he isnt. we`ve been married 23 yrs and together 26 (june 25th 2015) but im not sure i can carry on this was. iv even thought of an affair but the stupid thing is im still in love with my Husband .sorry i didnt mean to go on i just dont know what to do. :cry:
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Re: 6 yrs on and no change

Postby snail » Fri Jun 26, 2015 10:09 pm

It sounds like you've both had an awful lot to deal with, and you probably both feel ground down with worry and exhaustion.

I think I would concentrate on losing weight - not that it will necessarily make that much difference to your husband's behaviour towards you, but it will make you feel so much better mentally and physically. From there everything might pick up and other things seem more possible. Of course you can't exercise very easily with the COPD, but what does your doctor say - can you do some gentle exercise? And could you join your local Weightwatchers? You'd also get some extra social contact and support that way as well.
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Re: 6 yrs on and no change

Postby David020549 » Sat Jun 27, 2015 7:33 am

Sorry you feel so low, being treated like an unloved doormat is no fun so you need to take positive action. As Snail says loose weight, that is 80% diet and 20% exercise so cut those calories right down, no booze or chocolate and make sure hubby sees you dieting, when he gets his normal meal take a tiny portion yourself and a glass of water. Join a weight loss group of course also do some stretching and bending exercise at home, again make sure he sees you, the bedroom is a good place and you may well be surprised at the interest it creates. Maybe you will get few unwelcome comments but stick at it, when he realizes you are serious he will be interested and that will make you feel much better.

Future health prospects at your weight are concerning you are already probably borderline diabetic and getting joint pain, hips and legs especially, unless you loose a lot of weight soon your mobility will get much worse quickly. Regardless of hubby's attitude that is going to make you feel even worse.

The best of luck be positive and persevere you can do it
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Re: 6 yrs on and no change

Postby buddhababe83 » Sat Jul 18, 2015 4:30 pm

I'm sorry you are still having a bad time. I would disagree with the other posters. I think that the priority is to try and build up your self-esteem and the weight will then take care of itself. You deserve to be in relationship with someone who puts 'you' first and who cherishes you. From what you say that is not the case with your husband. As you have said nothing has changed since 2009 and I feel that nothing will change unless you change your approach. It would be a good idea if your both go for relationship counselling; you can go on your own if your husband is not prepared to go with you. Hopefully that will help you to see that you deserve better. You are bound to still have feelings for your husband after being together for 23 years but you can move on and find a better relationship for yourself. That begins with having a better relationship with 'yourself'. Once you have that, then the problems you have with your weight will take care of themselves. I have been were you are and believe me there 'is'light at the end of the tunnel'. Life is too short to be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. good luck with it all. :)
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